I Just Put My Baby to Sleep

[elizabethann]

Thank you again for everybody's kind words. They mean allot to me. I am lucky to have friends like you, who understand what I am going through.

It's been a hard day. Last night was even worse. It was the first night without my Maxie. There was nobody there to sleep with me under the covers and in my arms. I took my digital camera out and looked at pictures and videos I have of Maxie and I cried myself to sleep. Luckily, Fenway was there to lick my tears away.

The thing is, I am responsible for Maxie's death. In July of 2005, he was diagnosed with Cardiomyopathy. I put him on a diet and in July of 2006, the vet said he was doing good & he had lost some weight. But then Cosmo got kidney disease & lost a ton of weight and wouldn't eat. So I bought Fancy Feast & fed him that. Cosmo would want to eat every 2-3 hours. So to fatten him up, I fed him that. And I fed Maxie too. It's like I put his condition on the back burner. It's like I forgot all about him. So I do feel responsible and I know I am partly responsible. For that, I will never forgive myself.

Tonight is hard too. Fenway is at my sisters and it's just me & Cosmo (like it was 6 years ago). I'm leaving for Florida tomorrow (which I have no desire to go to right now). It's so quiet in the apartment. It will be hard to go to bed again tonight. And I feel bad leaving Cosmo & Fenway.

I'm sorry if I sound like a big baby. But I just can't get over this. I'm even thinking of going to a pet shrink to help me through this.

In the meantime, is there any place on the web where I can create a video memorial for Maxie? I've seen some on this website that people have created in memory of their pets. Is this some kind of software you have to purchase? If anybody can let me know, I'd appreciate it. I tried to create a page on Catster for him, but for some reason, it's not letting me log in.

Thanks again for your kind words. They really mean alot. I'm glad websites like this exist.

This is Maxie sleeping in my bed:


This is Maxie and his buddah belly (which I will miss):


This is Maxie smiling:

[dukedogsmom]

What a sweet angel in that first pic. Where will you be in Florida? If you'd ask in cat general, someone there might make a video for you. I would but I'm not that talented. Trust me, I know how hard it is and you're not being a baby about it. It's been three months for me now and there's days where it's felt like I lost him just yesterday. Lots of time for us to heal is what it's going to take. That and the love from your other cats can help to fill the void at times. Good luck and know that we're here for you. Pms from some of your buddies here can help a lot, too.

[Daisy and Delilah]

I sent you a PM this morning but your box was full. I'm not sure if you saw my thread about it in General. I'm sorry that your trip to Florida is tomorrow. I know you don't want to go. Try to enjoy it a little if you can. I hope getting away makes you feel a bit better.

Maxie was such a beautiful boy. Thanks for posting pictures of him. Take care.

Terry

[jazzcat]

I'm so sorry about Maxie. Try not to blame yourself.

Rest in Peace Sweet Maxie.

[Marigold2]

I am so so so sorry to hear about your lose. How you loved Maxie and how he loved you. We lost our Cassiegirl five years ago and the pain you are feeling is so familiar to me. I cried everyday for a month I missed her so. For us adopting a kitten, Jake a Poo helped us heal. His silly antics and innocence was what stopped my tears along with my daughters.
Good luck to you. I realized after a bit that the greatest gift we can give to our loved furry children is exactly what most of us do, give them the best life possible and to not let them suffer. You did that. You were a great mom and Maxie knew that.

[chocolatepuppy]

I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner. I'm so sorry about Maxie. It hurts real bad, I know. Time will help to ease your pain. Maxie will always be with you, in your heart. {hugs}

[MidnightMoon]

I literally just joined...and I was reading your story and the wonderful words of all the members on here...and I was crying.

Maxie sounds wonderful! A lot like my baby, Gin...I can't imagine having to put a pet down. {{{{HUGS}}}} It will get better...and there will be new cats to fill your home with joy again...just give it time