joke thread

[AvaJoy]

Have you seen the newest Barbie doll? She is called Divorce Barbie, and she comes with . . . all of Ken's stuff!

And here's a couple for the youngsters:

Q. Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
A. Because their horns don't work.

Q. Why don't you ever see a dead crow in the road?
A. Because there is always one on a telephone pole yelling, "Cah- cah-cah!"

[Former User]

Avajoy, that Barbie joke is a good one!

In a large supermarket, a man approached a very beautiful woman and said, "I've lost track of my wife in here. Could you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asked.

"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

[wolf_Q]

I've read a lot of these jokes but not all of them so sorry if I post something that's already been posted...

This one cracked me up.

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F
are the letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out
what the letters stood for...
It is about time you became informed!

{A} - Almost Boobs...

{B} - Barely there.

{C} - Can't Complain!

{D} - Damn!

{DD} - Double Damn!

{E} - Enormous!

{F} - Fake.

[wolf_Q]

Kinda dumb...


A mama mole, a papa mole, and baby mole all live in a little mole hole.
One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup."
The mama mole sticks her head out the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell honey."
The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, to sniff the air, but can't because the
bigger moles are in the way so he says,..."Geez, all I can smell is.......


Are you ready for this....



Hold on....



Here it is.....



MOLASSES!!!!!!!

[wolf_Q]

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs, have a
new baby. The nurse brings them over a lovely, healthy,
bouncy, definitely Caucasian, white baby boy!
"Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents.
"What will you name the baby"

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
"Well . . . . . . . two Wongs don't make a white, so I think we
will name him Sum-Ting Wong.

[wolf_Q]

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
BUT. . ..
If it just sits in your living room,
Messes up your stuff,
Eats your food,
Uses your telephone,
Takes your money,
And doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free.

Then, You either married it or gave birth to it!

[Former User]

LOL, that's a good one! For me, it's not true though, LOL, phew!

[wolf_Q]

Top Ten Reasons God Created Eve...


10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden because he
wouldn't ask for directions.

9. God knew that someday Adam would need someone to hand him the tv.
remote. (It has been noted that men don't want to see what's on TV;
they want to see WHAT ELSE in on.)

8. God knew that Adam would never make a Dr.'s appt. on his own.

7. God knew that when Adam's fig leaf wore out, he would never buy a new one
for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage.

5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply, but he knew Adam would never
be able to handle labor pains and childbirth.

4. As "keeper of the garden", Adam would need help in finding his tools.

3. Adam needed someone to blame for the eating of the fruit off the tree
incident, and for anything else that was really his fault.

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone."

1. And the number one reason of all (drum roll, fanfare, etc...), God
stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared, "I can do better than that."

[anna_66]

Those are good ones Amy!



****************************
Two drunks were in a bar partying like fools. They were drinking boiler makers, buying rounds like there was no tomorrow. They were dancing, calling each other "professor," and generally causing quite a stir. When asked why such a celebration, they boasted that they just finished a jigsaw puzzle & it only took them 2 months! "TWO MONTHS?!" cried the bartender. "That's ridiculous. It shouldn't take that long!!"
"Oh yeah?" says one drunk. "The box said 2-4 YEARS!"

[ellensy]

LOL Gee, i love this thread

[ChrisH]

Me too ellensy.

[Edwina's Secretary]

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife
something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So
he decides to buy her a cell phone.

She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her
and explains to her all the features on the phone.

The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings
and it's her husband.

"Hi hun," he says, "how do you like your new phone?"
She replies, "I just love it! It's so small and your
voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't
understand though."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Walmart?"

[Former User]

Edwina's Secretary! That's a good one!

[lovemymaltese]

that one is funny, thanks for sharing!

[krazyaboutkatz]

These jokes are too funny.