I'm sorry to hear about all of your tragedies. I, too, have had many, but they are not the reason why I don't believe in the traditional sense. To be honest, no one knows why things happen for sure. We can have our best guesses, and claim it was because God loved/hated you, but that won't get you anywhere really. What I have done when bad things came my way, was just to say to myself that it could always have been worse and that I can either learn from this or continue to let it hurt me and tear me apart. I choose to learn. And that has nothing to do with religion, just life skills.
Also...if you never experience pain and sorrow, how can you ever truly appreciate how wonderful happiness is?
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