I got several for you. Working on the boat, I hear a lot of funny stuff and I usually forget it and rack my brains trying to remember the things I overhear... But now and then, I remember!

One day I was in the galley chopping up onions and of coarse, they had gotten to me and my eyes were pouring. A deckhand walked in and said, "They say if you chop onions under water, they don't make you cry.... You ever tried that?"....

I never stopped chopping and casually said "No, I just don't think I could hold my breath that long!"....

That went right over his head.... ZOOOOOOOM!

************************************************** ***

Another time in the decklocker, the guys were discussing another deckhand who was constantly messing up whatever job he was assigned to do. One guy said "Talk about not being the sharpest knife in the drawer? Heck! He isn't even in there with the knives, he is laying over in the spoons and wondering where everybody went!"

************************************************** ******
Our engineer is a very proud southerner and never wastes the chance to point that out. We had a deckhand on from Ohio but now lived in the south near the engineer and the crazy engineer never wasted the chance to point out that he was a transplanted "southerner" but was still a real Yankee. There was much discussion between them as to rather he was a true southerner or a Yankee. As the transplant was leaving the table one night, I told him there was a fresh bread pudding in the kitchen, still warm, just out the oven... He stopped, looked confused and asked "What's that?".. Chief hit the table and aid "SEE THERE? YA SEE! A REAL southerner would KNOW what a bread pudding IS! I told you all... HE IS A TRANSPLANT!". He also said, "You can really tell a yankee from a southerner when they sign their name, a southerner just makes his "X" and that is all.... A Yankee makes his "X" and puts a circle around it. Yankess always try to outdo the southerners!"
************************************************** *
One of the deckhands (a guy from Mississippi) was saying he was looking for Jeff Foxworthys book of definitions and hadn't been able to find them anywhere. This same crazy chief told him, "They have them in all the Mississippi Libraries, don't you ever go to the library?"
***********************************************
The best one was....
We got this real young, cute, green deckhand that our Captain knew from childhood. Cuties little, most gullable thing you ever saw so I know they set this up to get him....

The Captain told him, "You know Chief has a 16 year old daughter that is looking for a boyfriend. She is really a beauty and I think she'd be perfect for you and you would be perfect for her. Why don't you ask the Chief about his daughter?'

So this kid RUNS to find the chief and says "Hay! I hear you got a daughter, tell me about her!"

Chief shoves his hands in his pockets, got a serious look on his face as he says "Other than her being ONLY 13 years old, WHAT do you want to know!?

He said the look on that boys face was priceless and he about trip all over himself getting out of there..
************************************************