"I know I'm a big, scary, Black man..."

[K9soul]

I think it's very sad that you left him without any help simply because you perceived some insult in what I would have interpreted as him just trying to break the ice and alleviate any nervousness you might have. I'd be a bit nervous for any man to approach me in my car alone,but if he had come to me and said that I'd have smiled and laughed and said he's not scary to me and helped him. Helping our fellow man shouldn't be conditional, especially since he happened to choose words that he may not have meant in the way you took them at all, but that's my opinion.

[cassiesmom]

I think it's very sad that you left him without any help simply because you perceived some insult in what I would have interpreted as him just trying to break the ice and alleviate any nervousness you might have. I'd be a bit nervous for any man to approach me in my car alone,but if he had come to me and said that I'd have smiled and laughed and said he's not scary to me and helped him. Helping our fellow man shouldn't be conditional, especially since he happened to choose words that he may not have meant in the way you took them at all, but that's my opinion.

What's sad is that he felt the need to stereotype himself that way- as a big, scary, black man who would be perceived as a potential risk by a female in a car.

The unfortunate reality is that word gets around among panhandlers and soon you end up being asked for help by many because you helped one. Lobodeb, you did right.

[Twisterdog]

Flame me if you will, but here's my take on this:

First of all, it sounds like a bit of a canned line to me. Only someone with practice at panhandling, approaching cars, etc. would even think of that line, IMO. Most of us ... big, small, black, white, whatever ... don't think of things like that, we just say, "Excuse me.", "Pardon me.", "I'm sorry to bother you ...", etc. It sounds to me like he used that line to elicit just the response it did from you - surprise, shock, pity. It threw you off balance and made you think, "Hey, wait, I'm not racist. I'm not like that. I'm not what you think ... maybe you're not what I think, either." I know that sounds cynical, but having lived in large cities, I've seen a bit of this exact thing.

Secondly, if he was an upstanding citizen, and truly just ran out of gas, I do not honestly think he would be approaching cars like that. Especially a car driven by a woman. If you ran out of gas and had left your wallet at home, or even had no money for some reason, would you honestly walk up to a car window at a stop light and ask for help? That thought would never cross my mind. I would use my cell phone, use a phone in a business office, use a pay phone (surely he had a single quarter) to call myy friend, my boss, my roommate, my spouse, the police department, etc. I can tell you with complete certainty my husband or father or brother, if they ran out of gas and had no money on them, would NEVER walk up to a car stopped at a stop light with the window rolled up, driven by a woman, and ask her for help. Would any man any of you know do this? The ONLY people I've ever seen in my life walk up to cars were panhandlers or people selling newpapers, flowers, etc. That's simply not a "normal" way of getting help when you run out of gas.

I personally think you did the right thing by driving away. The situation does not sound at all to me like an upstanding citizen who simply ran out of gas.

We all feel sympathy and pity for the homeless, the poor, the addicts sleeping on street corners. I've bought food for people, and pet food for their pets before. But honestly, the best way to help people like that is to donate to organizations that help them in larger ways ... providing shelters, soup kitchens, drug and alcohol programs, etc. Homelessness, addiction, poverty are big problems, and the best solutions are big solutions, funded by small donations.

[cassiesmom]

Flame me if you will, but here's my take on this:

We all feel sympathy and pity for the homeless, the poor, the addicts sleeping on street corners. I've bought food for people, and pet food for their pets before. But honestly, the best way to help people like that is to donate to organizations that help them in larger ways ... providing shelters, soup kitchens, drug and alcohol programs, etc. Homelessness, addiction, poverty are big problems, and the best solutions are big solutions, funded by small donations.

absolutely
Lots of people and lots of need in the world.


Twisterdog, what is a flame?

[Twisterdog]

Twisterdog, what is a flame?

Sometimes when you post a strong opinion, that may not be the popular opinion voiced in a thread, lot of people respond negatively to it. "Flame" is just an internet term for getting criticized, perhaps rather harshly, for your opinion. It honestly doesn't happen much here, this is a pretty nice board.

[finn's mom]

Wow. The comments on this are fascinating. I don't think I would have rolled my window down in the first place. But, if I had, I don't think I would have taken his comment as a practiced line or as an insult. I've actually had men say that to me...not just black men, but, large guys in general. I had a situation where a big tattooed, leather jacket wearing scruffy guy came up and asked me to dance at a place I was at with my parents. He said almost the same thing "I know I'm a big scary tattooed guy, but, I just want to dance." I thought it was funny...and, in a situation such as the one being discussed in this thread, had I already rolled my window down, I probably would have smiled at the "big, scary, black man". But, again, I live in Dallas, I wouldn't have rolled my window down in the first place. For anyone. And, honestly, I have driven my car with the low fuel light already blinking, knowing that if I ran out of gas before getting to work, I would have been in trouble, because I had zero money. I don't know what I would have done if I'd run out of gas, but, I don't think I could have gone up to people's cars like that...

[cassiesmom]

Sometimes when you post a strong opinion, that may not be the popular opinion voiced in a thread, lot of people respond negatively to it. "Flame" is just an internet term for getting criticized, perhaps rather harshly, for your opinion. It honestly doesn't happen much here, this is a pretty nice board.

Okay, got it, thank you!

[IRescue452]

We've got several cases in the area of people claiming their car broke down and trying to get money from people. I wouldn't have opened my window much for anybody of any race. I get in the car, door gets locked, I go.

[Pam]

We've got several cases in the area of people claiming their car broke down and trying to get money from people. I wouldn't have opened my window much for anybody of any race. I get in the car, door gets locked, I go.

I have quickly scanned the responses and agree totally with this one. First of all with a cell phone he certainly does not need help from strangers.

Once I was broken down and waiting for AAA. A man approached my car and asked if he could help (talked to me through my window glass). He started the conversation with "you probably think I am a rapist" and sort of smiled and then asked if he could help. I didn't put my window down for two reasons: (1) the car had electric windows and my car was dead so I couldn't put the window down, if I wanted to and (2) I was not opening the door or window to anyone.....green, blue, orange or spotted! You did good. Scammers and creeps come in ALL colors. Better safe than sorry.

[Ginger's Mom]

Some of the comments on here are very interesting. I think a lot of the different perceptions come, of course, from our different experiences. I agree with most of those who have said that they would have believed that the person had some sort of "scam" or ulterior motive in his approaching Lobodeb. But then I am a big city girl, and have seen it all too often. At this point in my life my response would be to tell him that I would be happy to call the police and have them send someone around to assist him. I wouldn't necessarily leave someone in honest need out in the cold as it were, but I would not take the responsibility for this unknown person's welfare on my own.

Also, I found it interesting, I thought ES was speaking in more general terms, meaning she had encountered someone like him, not had actually (perhaps) had encountered the same person. Thanks for clarifying that Jen and Sara.

[momoffuzzyfaces]

What I find interesting is most people seem more worried about hurting someone's feelings rather than staying safe. Maybe it's because I'm from a smaller town where we don't have much pan handling going on but we do have cases of people disappearing only to end up dead in a field or river somewhere. To me there is not even a question in my mind what I would do.

Guess it's all perspective.

[lizbud]

What I find interesting is most people seem more worried about hurting someone's feelings rather than staying safe.

That's very true. Women more so than men I think.

[Pam]

What I find interesting is most people seem more worried about hurting someone's feelings rather than staying safe. Maybe it's because I'm from a smaller town where we don't have much pan handling going on but we do have cases of people disappearing only to end up dead in a field or river somewhere. To me there is not even a question in my mind what I would do.

Guess it's all perspective.

MOFF I agree with you completely. I love Court-TV and Forensic Files in particular. I think it is fascinating how sophisticated the methods have become to catch a killer but that's beside the point. So many people have met tragic ends by being nice to strangers. We can all still help by notifying the police or in some other way. Some of the most horrific killers looked like nice guys and were very polite.

[moosmom]

He had a cell phone. He could have called a buddy or the auto club or something or even a policeman would have helped him

That was my first reaction. I also don't open my window to ANYONE, regardless of their race, creed or nationality. WAY to many weirdos out there.

[sirrahved]

I assume anyone who DOES start a conversation like that IS a psychomurderer!