Okay ladies and gents. How is this one..

A pirate walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy. The pirate has a wooden leg, a hook for a hand and a eye patch. The guy next to him looks at him and says "wow,you must of been throgh a lot of adventures,how did you get your wooden leg?" So the pirate says "Well I 'twas out at sea and fell into the water and a shark bit off me leg." "Wow!!!" "So how did you get that hook?" "Well" says the pirate,"it was a nasty sord fight with Black Screwy Joe,and he cut off me hand." "Interesting," said the man. "and your eye patch?" "Ahh," said the pirate "a bird pooped in me eye." "I don't understand," the man said. "Arr," said the pirate "it was me first day with the hook."