Terribly worried about my daughter and grandbaby! *UPDATE Page 3*

[TFTpwnsYou]

Well, she could have asked for help just by confessing. People don't just do that who are into drugs. You could report, and maybe give her that shock. If she wants help, she will get it. If not, no matter how many rehabs or hospitals if the person doesn't want to quit for themselves you cannot make them. It's sad, but true. I'm sorry you're having trouble with things. If anything she might just turn around on her own. You never know. But good luck with whatever may happen.

[lizbud]

I am so sorry to hear about this situation in your family.All I can offer
is my prayers for strength & guidence for you in this sad situation.Whoever
described motherhood as" an endless ache in the heart" really knew what
they were talking about. ((Hugs)) Liz.

[kimlovescats]

Everyone has such good advice, but it's so hard to explain all the "why's" as to how some of them won't work, or how I've tried some of them. Let me try to cover a few of the main points that have been mentioned.

When Amy Beth called me and "confessed" these things to me, she was with her "husband" at the time. I didn't know it at the time, but when I almost had her convinced to let me take her to a hospital, she said she needed to talk to him first. I asked if he was there, and she said yes! I was shocked! It is after she got off the phone and "talked it over" with him, that her tune changed. I'm still not too sure of what this whole confession was intended to accomplishment. I have a strong feeling that she was forced by him to make this call. My reasoning on this, is that he has always been quick to call me immediately when they were having problems and "tattle-tale" to me about my daughter. So very childish, whether the things were true or not. Some of the horrible things she "confessed" to this week, were things he told me over a year ago in one of his "tattle-tale" phone calls. A couple of days after that initial phone call, after they had "made up", he called and apologized, saying he had lied and that it was wrong. As much as I would have loved to believed that he made the things up, they sounded too "possible" to me, and I guess my mother's intuition told my heart that they were really true. He apparently felt bad about snitching on her and tried to rectify the situation with a lie. So ..... apparently as some sort of bargaining power over her in their newest attempt to reconcile, he forced her to "confess" to me. I'm sure that he does this because he knows how I feel about him and his criminal record, and misery loves company!

Another concern of mine, is that they are trying to move from their little rental house into an apartment in the next week or so. The reason being that some guy threatened to harm Amy Beth when she decided to move back in. He was under the influence of drugs at the time, and they were hiding from him out of fear. Supposedly he has since "apologized" while sober, but they feel the need to move where fewer of their "friends" and "acquaintances" can find them! This alone tells me they are dealing with some dangerous people!!!!!

Trust me, I want to call so badly!!! I want to put this off on DCS so much, put it into the control of a system that knows how to handle it. My biggest fear though, is that they will find nothing of any real proof, and all I will accomplish is losing my daughter and my grandbaby!!!!! I don't want baby Jenna to go into a foster home either. That poor child never knows where she is going to be sleeping from one night to the next as it is! She has terrible nightmares all night long at every place she sleeps!!! Can you imagine what it feels like to have your grandbaby screaming and pleading in words that you can't even understand, right beside you in your bed ... and be powerless to help her! I just hold her and rock her and try to make her feel secure, until the next night when she is dragged somewhere else!

Also, Amy Beth just found another good job (CNA) and seems so hopeful that things are going to be better. I know it is another delusion, and it won't change, but I can't betray her just yet. I have to let her see that things aren't going to change, and then give her an ultimatum .... go into rehab or I call DCS. The other factor though, is even is SHE gets help, it won't change her husband. There is always a brick wall at every turn.

Kim

[catfamily]

Kim
I'm so sorry I missed this thread.First...I know how much losing your brother 12 years ago has devistated you.And I'm so sorry for that.I myself know what it's like to lose a dear very loved brother.
But your daughter really needs to get away from her husband.If not...if she herself CHOOSES to stay with him,you'll have to try to talk to someone who knows some angles on getting your grandchild away from both parents.Hopefully you can get both your daughter AND granddaughter away from that nasty man.He's a waste.And he's wasting both your daughter and eventually your baby grandaughter.If there is anything I can do to help..phonecalls...inquirys...anything,please let me know.I'm so sorry.This is so hard.Life is so hard.
Hugs and prayers.

[Anita Cholaine]

Kim,
I'm so sorry about all this. Everything I can do is to send my prayers to you and all your family. I really hope the best for you, your daughter, Jenna and everyone involved.

((((((HUGS))))))

[mustlovedogs]

How awful this must be for you! I am so sorry that this happened- hopefully everything works out soon! You will be in our thoughts and prayers- good luck with whatever happens!

[QueenScoopalot]

Kim you are one of PTs sweetest people, and you must be so torn up over all this. My biggest fear right now would be what if baby Jenna got her hands on the substances your daughter and deadbeat husband are taking? Children are so curious by nature that even the thought of that precious little girl being exposed to drugs is scary, and even worse is what if she consumes some herself? I think an intervention is critical at this point in order to protect Amy Beth & Jenna. Her husband sounds like he will never change, and your daughter & grandbaby need to get away from him fast. Keep the faith Kim, and prayers for your family that help will come fast before it's all too late. (((HUGS)))

[kimlovescats]

Well, Amy Beth left her husband AGAIN! She and baby Jenna moved back in with me this past weekend. She is working full-time as a CNA for an assisted living nursing home here in town. She works 2nd shift, so I put the baby to bed at night. I am very stressed having them here again, and it's not at all what I *want*, but at least I know that they are both safe.

Amy Beth convinced me that she was not *using* drugs on a regular basis ... basically just playing around with different ones as they were available. I know she certainly has no money for them now, and I know she isn't *hooked* at least for now either. I just pray that she never uses that mess again!!!! I won't be nieve though and assume she never will.

I know most of you probably think I am still enabling her by letting her move back, but the ONLY reason if because of Jenna. Trust me, I WANT my life back, time for me and hubby, and not to be raising an "adult" child and grandbaby. I just don't know what else to do at this point. The word "trapped" comes to mind.

[borzoimom]

Well, Amy Beth left her husband AGAIN! She and baby Jenna moved back in with me this past weekend. She is working full-time as a CNA for an assisted living nursing home here in town. She works 2nd shift, so I put the baby to bed at night. I am very stressed having them here again, and it's not at all what I *want*, but at least I know that they are both safe.

Amy Beth convinced me that she was not *using* drugs on a regular basis ... basically just playing around with different ones as they were available. I know she certainly has no money for them now, and I know she isn't *hooked* at least for now either. I just pray that she never uses that mess again!!!! I won't be nieve though and assume she never will.

I know most of you probably think I am still enabling her by letting her move back, but the ONLY reason if because of Jenna. Trust me, I WANT my life back, time for me and hubby, and not to be raising an "adult" child and grandbaby. I just don't know what else to do at this point. The word "trapped" comes to mind.

Actually I think letting her come into your home, where you can monitor what is going on is a good thing. I am sure she understands no drugs in the house, and working regular hours, you know she isnt getting them at work. Sounds like an improvement to me. And you are right- the baby is safer!

[Pam]

Kim, this post was good news to me. I would want her under my roof and AWAY from that loser, no matter how inconvenient things are right now. Kids move out and come back (it happened to me with my son after his divorce and he's still here. ) I would never accuse you of enabling her. If anything, you are freeing her from the influence of this guy and providing a safe healthy environment for your granddaughter. There will be time for you and hubby to be on your own. Right now your daughter needs you, even if it is mainly for purely financial reasons at the moment. Nevertheless, she is there every day and you can observe her and help care for Jenna. Once she gets her life and career on track she will probably want to find her own place (hopefully without him). Prayers still going up for you Kim and your situation. (((hugs)))

[Karen]

Can you work with a social worker, to find Amy Beth a place of her own, away from the abuser, but not dependent on you?

At least Jenna will have some stability for the next little while. Does your family have a pastor that Amy Beth might trust for some counseling, because having her NOT go back to the wretch may be very, very difficult.

[borzoimom]

bingo Pam!

[sandragonfly]

kim, I sure hope your daughter's husband doesn't know where you all live! will you all be safe??

yup, I thought of social worker too, but the problem is if your daughter has your shelter, they would probably won't help because of safety reasons (amy beth and jenna are not in danger) but not hurt to try! have you talked to amy beth about her and her baby living with you yet? if you haven't, you should and could you help her with looking for new, cheaper and safer place??

I'm sorry you're having all of this stress, at least they have a safe place to stay for a while - we all never stay on top of mountain for too long anyway.

try to take one thing at a time, and remember everything happens for a reason, always! hang in there, ((((kim))))

[Catty1]

Kim- this situation won't last forever - as your daughter feels better and gets some money put away, she will want to move on.

I think contacting a shelter regarding counselling would be a very good idea. Many women keep "picking" the same kind of guy for no apparent reason. There might be a group for young moms who are out of bad marriages/relationships that she might really get a lot from.

Also, some short-term family counselling might help - if you told your daughter you would go with her, that might encourage her.

It's temporary. It IS a strain. God forbid there is a next time, but if there is - you have the option of calling Family Services.

I am GLAD they are both safe.

HUGS!

[kimlovescats]

I appreciate the support on me allowing them to move back in! Pam, I don't mean to sound like it is a terrible burden, but she has moved "back" in and out again so many times now that I can't even count! This last incident is just the first time I have shared any of this here on PT!
Another big issue is my 17 year old daughter. She is in her senior year of high school and is feeling very frustrated with all the "attention" that her sister is getting. There was even a time when she threatened that she wouldn't stay with me any more (only at her Dad's house) if Amy Beth moved back in. I try and try to explain to her that it is "not that easy" to put your child and especially grandchild out on the street!!! So... hopefully that explains my reluctance to move them back in once again. Oh.... my dear hubby is getting rather tired of hauling all of their stuff from point A to B to A again every few weeks!

Kim