The power of PT Prayer is amazing...and I really need that right about now.

Long story short...I've been in a HUGE amount of severe pain lately and I'm having a hard time with my doctors. My Cedars doctors do not feel my pain is crohn's related (even though it all began at the same time, is in my abdoman and is effected by stress, eating, going to the potty, etc.) and thus don't feel the need to treat me.

My current pain doctor is becoming horrible. My meds aren't working and he made me wait 2 weeks for new ones. As a result I had to stay at Cedars for a week. When I finally got home and got the new meds (it was a trial period), I called for them to fill enough until my next appt on 11/10. I told the girl on the phone the dose that I was taking, the dose that was WORKING. I ended up in the ER again last night and found that the doctor LOWERED my dose from the initial trial period!!! I didn't look at the bottle because I had thought the doctor would have listened to me telling him what works!!!'

I went down to Cedars Pain Mgmt Center and my doc basically brushed me off. I'm trying to get into a Chronic Pain Managment Program at the Daniel Freeman Hospital where they'll take me off my meds and then start again, thus lowering my high tolerance and will help them work again, with fewer meds. I've been calling over there sinse Friday at 2:30 and the coordinator FINALLY called me while I was in my therapy session. I called him back not 5 minutes later (and again every 1/2 hour until 5:00p) and couldn't reach him.

I'm thinking things and acting in ways I don't normally act. This constant pain and the frustration have me not wanting to live any more. I've NEVER, EVER, EVER felt this way, but I'm just as a loss. I've done everything I'm supposed to do, and more and I'm not getting the help I need and deserve.

Last night the ER doc sent me home...I was still (and still am) in a ton of pain. He let me go home becuase Cedars told him it wasn't Crohn's related and its not life threatening. Meanwhile I'm in excrutating pain and want to off myself to make it stop, to get peace. I know that's not the answer, but I can only take so much.

Thankfully, I've found a really, really wonderful therapist and saw a psychiatrist today who prescribed some meds to help calm me down. I just hate that this is changing who I am.

I'm not getting support from my mother, in fact, its getting much worse and she's being mean and horrible. I have nowhere else to go, so if I bring anything up or disagree with her, she'll kick me out.

I really, really, really need prayers. I feel as though God is ignoring me. I've been praying so hard for the past 2 months and things just keep getting worse for me. I'm trying hard to keep my faith, but I feel ignored and not cared about. I know in my heart and head that's not the case, but I just don't get it.

Thanks for listening and for the prayers.

Hugs, Kelly