Would this upset you?

[BOBS DAD]

Well Bob's dad I have been married 25 years and only married once...so my advice to all....Don't get married!

Good one CM!!! LOL! 22 for us and our first - at least that what my wife has always told me!

[K9soul]

I hope nothing I posted seemed criticizing or directed personally at you Lobodeb. My first post was regarding how I would if feel the particular incident you wrote about had happened to me. I couldn't really look at the whole picture of your relationship since I didn't/don't know what it is like, so the original question of if he was late with my gift and if it would upset me, my answer would be no.

My second post was addressing the idea of being a "settler" type due to my stance on the gift scenario, and how things would go if I forgot or neglected something etc. My relationship was much like sparks' and Glacier's description. We were each responsible for ourselves and had no set expectations. I didn't get him up for work or vice versa. Both of us cooked, cleaned, did laundry etc.

I suppose what has really come out of this is the obvious fact that there is no simple answer to something like this, it involves too many complexities, i.e. how is the rest of the relationship, how is the every day situation, does there seem to be mutual respect and so on. We each imagine the situation in the setting of how our relationships are or have been, and that ultimately reflects the answer we give.

[Sara luvs her Tinky]

No one should be allowed to post on this topic untill they have been married more than a year!! (that is supposed to be sarcastic and funny)

I agree with Lobodeb and a few others.

I was married for 4 years... I ABSOLUTELY HATE having my birthday's at restaurants.. and guess where my fabulous husband had my birthday party EVERY STINKIN YEAR??? A restaurant!!! Not that the thought didn't count but i think listening to me counts for a little bit more... Every year i would throw him really fun birthday parties with different themes of things that interested him... threw him a big surprise party for his 25th.... and he just could not throw me a party anywhere but a restaurant... and he NEVER invited MY family... It took him four years to finally quit buying me flowers for valentines day! I hate getting flowers and he KNEW that.. but every year he would get me flowers. Again.. it is hard to appreciate the thought when they just wont listen to you.

Marriages always start out new and you can overlook their mistakes and think they are cute and you are understanding.. but what i learned... if a husband or wife can't listen to their partner then you don't have much of a partner.. and being understanding only nurtures the spouse to not care about your needs.

I may be a bitter but oh well!! Some may not agree but they may have a spouse that listens and cares.

I'm sorry that things aren't going well for you Lobodeb!! My marriage failed and i wouldn't wish that on anyone.. I hope things get better for you two!!

*HUGITO is sooooo cute!!!*

[Cataholic]

Marriages always start out new and you can overlook their mistakes and think they are cute and you are understanding.. but what i learned... if a husband or wife can't listen to their partner then you don't have much of a partner.. and being understanding only nurtures the spouse to not care about your needs.

VERY good point there, Sara! Too often, it is the "understanding" spouse that looks back upon 5, 7, or even 20 years of marriage, in utter consternation when the other spouse is finished with them, wondering, "where did it go wrong? I was so understanding. I didn't do this. Or, I did this, and never complained". That's right. You didn't. And, he/she is going on, presumabley, to greener pastures, to <gasp> someone that holds them accountable for their actions.

I quit representing clients whose cases even smelt like domestic relations cases. I couldn't deal with the emotions that go with them. With the lying. The cheating. The unending question, "what did I do wrong?". Nothing. You married an idiot. A person that didn't have that inner voice telling them right from wrong, and a person that thought they could get away with treating you like dirt- cause you allowed them for ten years.

I have yet to meet someone that could "meet" my standards. Nothing to do with looks (since I ain't no looker myself). Nothing to do with money (as I am financially self sufficient). Nothing to do with much more than honesty, integrity, love of animals, family and kids, and an ability to function on their own- like **most** adults should be able to. So, those that might be snickering, "well, she is single, she can't be (knowledgable) (able to understand) (shoot, maybe even worthy, who knows?) (or, she must be soooo sad and bitter cause she is single)", I say that I wouldn't change my status, or change my lifestyle for all the tea in China. As I hated dealing with Loebedo's issues in date-hood, and I know I couldn't put up with it inside the contract of marriage. It would be nice, I suppose, to have someone else unclog my toilet or hang the ceiling fan, but, shoot, that is why God made tradespeople!

Lo- whatEVER you do, hold your head up, and remember: You are someone, on your own, irrespective of how someone treats you. Hugito needs a happy, secure mommy. THAT is the best gift you could give him.

[caseysmom]

Cataholic...the only thing I call you is SMART!

p.s. can you guys tell I am annoyed with my hubby today????