I wish you every good thing, Fragrancehound, and I hope that you cat turns out to be healthy. Whatever happens, please know that your love for your cat will be your guide as to what you will do - that and your knowledge of what you believe your cat would want you to do.

LittleOrangeKitten, I am very concerned for you, because your feelings seem to be so deep and so strong. Probably it is because, as you say, you have not been able to talk about them since the sad events themselves. I have an experience that has left me with guilt and self-doubt, too, and a great reluctance to talk about it, because I am afraid of being judged for my decision. (I decided, on behalf of my beloved Myrtille, to allow her to go on her own at home rather than be hastened along at the vet's, because she loathed the vet's so, and because she seemed to cling to and enjoy all the tiny things of her life that she could do, even as they became more limited. And yes, she did suffer - but I truly believe that if she could have told me in words, she would have made the choice I made for her. So I know what it is like to be left with feelings of guilt. You did so much for your Gideon, so very, very much. You thought you were doing the best for him by getting him vaccinated, too. I hope you will be able to let go of the pain and remember him with joy.

All best to both of you - Fragrancehound and LittleOrangeKitten.