Would this upset you?

**caseysmom** · 10-18-2006, 05:37 PM

Sparks, Debbie is a very kind sweet woman. I think she just needed to vent.

**lizbud** · 10-18-2006, 06:20 PM

Whoa there sparkie.

I believe you are getting carried away with
this whole thing. How dare you be so presumptuous to assume you have all the answers & can lecture Lobodeb? Just let this go girl. Go read a book, or take a pill or something.

I thing you've spouted off long enough.Lobodeb
doesn't need your "advice" Get a grip. You answered the original question
so let this go already. Geeze.

**Samantha Puppy** · 10-18-2006, 06:30 PM

I don't see where your comments were necessary, lizbud. No one here has said anything inflammatory to or about Lobodeb or anyone else who has shared their thoughts on this matter. Honestly, I don't know sparks19 from Moses, but her post sounds like something I might've said had I had more time earlier today.

Lobodeb asked for feedback and advice. She got it. If she has an issue with anything anyone's said, how about letting her address it with them privately?

**sparks19** · 10-18-2006, 06:51 PM

Originally Posted by Samantha Puppy

I don't see where your comments were necessary, lizbud. No one here has said anything inflammatory to or about Lobodeb or anyone else who has shared their thoughts on this matter. Honestly, I don't know sparks19 from Moses, but her post sounds like something I might've said had I had more time earlier today.

Lobodeb asked for feedback and advice. She got it. If she has an issue with anything anyone's said, how about letting her address it with them privately?

Thank you. Seems if you have a differing opinion around here you are out of line LOL. I feel sorry that Lobodeb is so upset about something like this. However, re read the OP and tell me that is not out of line. i would enver call my husband lazy, stupid, say that he can't do anything right, and fault him for everything bad that has happened. Although she seems to have talked the same way about herself in that post. I have no doubt that she is a kind and loving woman. I never stated that she was otherwise, some people just jump to conclusions and read between lines that aren't there. Boy all that jumping must make people tired

Lizbud you are the only one getting upset here. I am not upset in the least. I just call it as I see it. I"m sure she is a very nice woman but I am not going to sugar coat it. I never said I had all the answers and I believe I said that if she has tried the communication approach already then YES she indeed does have a reason to be upset. if she has tried communicating with him about this then there is NO excuse for his behaviour (or lack there of). but she cannot expect him to know how she feels if she doesn't talk to him about it.

She said her birthday was a few weeks ago but she is still upset about it enough to post this and say such things about her husband. If she has been angry for that long there are obviously some deep seeded issues there and they aren't going to go away by her keeping them to herself (venting on here does not count. She needs to discuss this with her family).

Lobodeb, if you see my posts as whatever Lizbud sees them as then I am sorry. I just hate to see such torment in a relationship that it bothers you for weeks and causes you to feel such dislike towards your husband. I really hope you work this out, not only for your family but for yourself.

**BOBS DAD** · 10-19-2006, 12:24 PM

Originally Posted by lizbud

Whoa there sparkie.

I believe you are getting carried away with
this whole thing. How dare you be so presumptuous to assume you have all the answers & can lecture Lobodeb? Just let this go girl. Go read a book, or take a pill or something.

I thing you've spouted off long enough.Lobodeb
doesn't need your "advice" Get a grip. You answered the original question
so let this go already. Geeze.

Maybe so... I do think Sparks has been the most vocal and has seemed to suggest the most experience and bonafide answers to relationship issues.

Maybe Sparks could start a relationship/counseling website. LOL!!! Just kidding Sparks... do not take me seriously.

The only point I want to make here is that it is hard to offer any real concrete advice on this issue until you know a "whole lot more" about Debbie and her husbands private life. Which we certainly don't need to know and even then are likely "not qualified" to offer any real professional advice.

And just another point I'd like to throw in there. I would take anyone's involved, indepth assuredness opinions on the subject with a grain of salt - especially if they themselves have been married less than 10 years or have been married 2-3 times. Doesn't make them bad... just seems like less of an expert.

**caseysmom** · 10-19-2006, 12:35 PM

Well Bob's dad I have been married 25 years and only married once...so my advice to all....Don't get married!

**BOBS DAD** · 10-19-2006, 12:37 PM

Originally Posted by caseysmom

Well Bob's dad I have been married 25 years and only married once...so my advice to all....Don't get married!

Good one CM!!! LOL! 22 for us and our first - at least that what my wife has always told me!

**K9soul** · 10-19-2006, 12:52 PM

I hope nothing I posted seemed criticizing or directed personally at you Lobodeb. My first post was regarding how I would if feel the particular incident you wrote about had happened to me. I couldn't really look at the whole picture of your relationship since I didn't/don't know what it is like, so the original question of if he was late with my gift and if it would upset me, my answer would be no.

My second post was addressing the idea of being a "settler" type due to my stance on the gift scenario, and how things would go if I forgot or neglected something etc. My relationship was much like sparks' and Glacier's description. We were each responsible for ourselves and had no set expectations. I didn't get him up for work or vice versa. Both of us cooked, cleaned, did laundry etc.

I suppose what has really come out of this is the obvious fact that there is no simple answer to something like this, it involves too many complexities, i.e. how is the rest of the relationship, how is the every day situation, does there seem to be mutual respect and so on. We each imagine the situation in the setting of how our relationships are or have been, and that ultimately reflects the answer we give.

**Sara luvs her Tinky** · 10-19-2006, 01:08 PM

No one should be allowed to post on this topic untill they have been married more than a year!! (that is supposed to be sarcastic and funny)

I agree with Lobodeb and a few others.

I was married for 4 years... I ABSOLUTELY HATE having my birthday's at restaurants.. and guess where my fabulous husband had my birthday party EVERY STINKIN YEAR??? A restaurant!!! Not that the thought didn't count but i think listening to me counts for a little bit more... Every year i would throw him really fun birthday parties with different themes of things that interested him... threw him a big surprise party for his 25th.... and he just could not throw me a party anywhere but a restaurant... and he NEVER invited MY family...

It took him four years to finally quit buying me flowers for valentines day! I hate getting flowers and he KNEW that.. but every year he would get me flowers. Again.. it is hard to appreciate the thought when they just wont listen to you.

Marriages always start out new and you can overlook their mistakes and think they are cute and you are understanding.. but what i learned... if a husband or wife can't listen to their partner then you don't have much of a partner.. and being understanding only nurtures the spouse to not care about your needs.

I may be a bitter but oh well!! Some may not agree but they may have a spouse that listens and cares.

I'm sorry that things aren't going well for you Lobodeb!! My marriage failed and i wouldn't wish that on anyone.. I hope things get better for you two!!

*HUGITO is sooooo cute!!!*

**Cataholic** · 10-19-2006, 01:39 PM

Originally Posted by Sara luvs her Tinky

Marriages always start out new and you can overlook their mistakes and think they are cute and you are understanding.. but what i learned... if a husband or wife can't listen to their partner then you don't have much of a partner.. and being understanding only nurtures the spouse to not care about your needs.

VERY good point there, Sara! Too often, it is the "understanding" spouse that looks back upon 5, 7, or even 20 years of marriage, in utter consternation when the other spouse is finished with them, wondering, "where did it go wrong? I was so understanding. I didn't do this. Or, I did this, and never complained". That's right. You didn't. And, he/she is going on, presumabley, to greener pastures, to <gasp> someone that holds them accountable for their actions.

I quit representing clients whose cases even smelt like domestic relations cases. I couldn't deal with the emotions that go with them. With the lying. The cheating. The unending question, "what did I do wrong?". Nothing. You married an idiot. A person that didn't have that inner voice telling them right from wrong, and a person that thought they could get away with treating you like dirt- cause you allowed them for ten years.

I have yet to meet someone that could "meet" my standards. Nothing to do with looks (since I ain't no looker myself). Nothing to do with money (as I am financially self sufficient). Nothing to do with much more than honesty, integrity, love of animals, family and kids, and an ability to function on their own- like **most** adults should be able to. So, those that might be snickering, "well, she is single, she can't be (knowledgable) (able to understand) (shoot, maybe even worthy, who knows?) (or, she must be soooo sad and bitter cause she is single)", I say that I wouldn't change my status, or change my lifestyle for all the tea in China. As I hated dealing with Loebedo's issues in date-hood, and I know I couldn't put up with it inside the contract of marriage. It would be nice, I suppose, to have someone else unclog my toilet or hang the ceiling fan, but, shoot, that is why God made tradespeople!

Lo- whatEVER you do, hold your head up, and remember: You are someone, on your own, irrespective of how someone treats you. Hugito needs a happy, secure mommy. THAT is the best gift you could give him.