Would this upset you?

[sparks19]

The only thing I am wondering about.... re read the OP. do you think it is OK to talk about your husband in such a way. The feeling I got from reading that was the she is disgusted with her husband. perhaps it was just that she was angry but I have a hard time believing that such snide comments haven't been thought about before this. Perhaps he doesn't want to do special things anymore because he doesn't get the special treatment he used to. i dont imagine Lobodeb talked to or about him when they first got married the way she talks about him now. In that post alone she has insinuated (sp? lol) that he is lazy, stupid, incompetent, he can't do anything right. What a terrible way to speak about someone you are supposed to love

Again, I know anger can be a powerful thing and makes us say things we don't really mean but that was a very harsh post. I really hope her husband never reads this. I know my husband would be heart broken if I ever talked about him that way.

YES a marriage is 50/50 you have to give a little to get a little, and often it is hard to look at ourselves and see fault in how we are acting.

Lobodeb, you really need to sit down with your husband and TALK to him. No blaming, just talking. Maybe you will find out the answers to your questions. Maybe he is angry at you for some reason. but communication is KEY. If you are angry at him for something YOU need to tell him WHY. You need to tell him how it makes you feel when he does that. If that doesn't work I would seriously recommend marriage counselling. I am sorry if I am over stepping my bounds, I know I don't know you or your situation. this is just the impression I got from your post.

Don't EVER go to bed angry.

If something is bothering you, you MUST tell him. how is he supposed to fix it if you won't talk to him about it.

Life is stressful but you need to be there for each other, not battling each other. He should be your greatest ally.

If you have made every attempt to communicate with him and he is unrelenting and still does the things that upset you, THEN he has NO excuse. but if you are just leaving him to figure it out on his own then you are waiting for a frosty day in h*ll because men aren't mind readers lol Heck they aren't even lip readers (remember communication is not sitting down and blaming him. You can't sit down and say "you do this and this and this and this. you don't do this and this and this and this." have a REAL talk)


Good luck. I hope you guys can work everything out.

[caseysmom]

Sparks, Debbie is a very kind sweet woman. I think she just needed to vent.

[lizbud]

Whoa there sparkie. I believe you are getting carried away with
this whole thing. How dare you be so presumptuous to assume you have all the answers & can lecture Lobodeb? Just let this go girl. Go read a book, or take a pill or something. I thing you've spouted off long enough.Lobodeb
doesn't need your "advice" Get a grip. You answered the original question
so let this go already. Geeze.

[Samantha Puppy]

I don't see where your comments were necessary, lizbud. No one here has said anything inflammatory to or about Lobodeb or anyone else who has shared their thoughts on this matter. Honestly, I don't know sparks19 from Moses, but her post sounds like something I might've said had I had more time earlier today.

Lobodeb asked for feedback and advice. She got it. If she has an issue with anything anyone's said, how about letting her address it with them privately?

[sparks19]

I don't see where your comments were necessary, lizbud. No one here has said anything inflammatory to or about Lobodeb or anyone else who has shared their thoughts on this matter. Honestly, I don't know sparks19 from Moses, but her post sounds like something I might've said had I had more time earlier today.

Lobodeb asked for feedback and advice. She got it. If she has an issue with anything anyone's said, how about letting her address it with them privately?

Thank you. Seems if you have a differing opinion around here you are out of line LOL. I feel sorry that Lobodeb is so upset about something like this. However, re read the OP and tell me that is not out of line. i would enver call my husband lazy, stupid, say that he can't do anything right, and fault him for everything bad that has happened. Although she seems to have talked the same way about herself in that post. I have no doubt that she is a kind and loving woman. I never stated that she was otherwise, some people just jump to conclusions and read between lines that aren't there. Boy all that jumping must make people tired

Lizbud you are the only one getting upset here. I am not upset in the least. I just call it as I see it. I"m sure she is a very nice woman but I am not going to sugar coat it. I never said I had all the answers and I believe I said that if she has tried the communication approach already then YES she indeed does have a reason to be upset. if she has tried communicating with him about this then there is NO excuse for his behaviour (or lack there of). but she cannot expect him to know how she feels if she doesn't talk to him about it.

She said her birthday was a few weeks ago but she is still upset about it enough to post this and say such things about her husband. If she has been angry for that long there are obviously some deep seeded issues there and they aren't going to go away by her keeping them to herself (venting on here does not count. She needs to discuss this with her family).

Lobodeb, if you see my posts as whatever Lizbud sees them as then I am sorry. I just hate to see such torment in a relationship that it bothers you for weeks and causes you to feel such dislike towards your husband. I really hope you work this out, not only for your family but for yourself.

[BOBS DAD]

Whoa there sparkie. I believe you are getting carried away with
this whole thing. How dare you be so presumptuous to assume you have all the answers & can lecture Lobodeb? Just let this go girl. Go read a book, or take a pill or something. I thing you've spouted off long enough.Lobodeb
doesn't need your "advice" Get a grip. You answered the original question
so let this go already. Geeze.

Maybe so... I do think Sparks has been the most vocal and has seemed to suggest the most experience and bonafide answers to relationship issues.

Maybe Sparks could start a relationship/counseling website. LOL!!! Just kidding Sparks... do not take me seriously.

The only point I want to make here is that it is hard to offer any real concrete advice on this issue until you know a "whole lot more" about Debbie and her husbands private life. Which we certainly don't need to know and even then are likely "not qualified" to offer any real professional advice.

And just another point I'd like to throw in there. I would take anyone's involved, indepth assuredness opinions on the subject with a grain of salt - especially if they themselves have been married less than 10 years or have been married 2-3 times. Doesn't make them bad... just seems like less of an expert.

[caseysmom]

Well Bob's dad I have been married 25 years and only married once...so my advice to all....Don't get married!

[BOBS DAD]

Well Bob's dad I have been married 25 years and only married once...so my advice to all....Don't get married!

Good one CM!!! LOL! 22 for us and our first - at least that what my wife has always told me!

[K9soul]

I hope nothing I posted seemed criticizing or directed personally at you Lobodeb. My first post was regarding how I would if feel the particular incident you wrote about had happened to me. I couldn't really look at the whole picture of your relationship since I didn't/don't know what it is like, so the original question of if he was late with my gift and if it would upset me, my answer would be no.

My second post was addressing the idea of being a "settler" type due to my stance on the gift scenario, and how things would go if I forgot or neglected something etc. My relationship was much like sparks' and Glacier's description. We were each responsible for ourselves and had no set expectations. I didn't get him up for work or vice versa. Both of us cooked, cleaned, did laundry etc.

I suppose what has really come out of this is the obvious fact that there is no simple answer to something like this, it involves too many complexities, i.e. how is the rest of the relationship, how is the every day situation, does there seem to be mutual respect and so on. We each imagine the situation in the setting of how our relationships are or have been, and that ultimately reflects the answer we give.

[Sara luvs her Tinky]

No one should be allowed to post on this topic untill they have been married more than a year!! (that is supposed to be sarcastic and funny)

I agree with Lobodeb and a few others.

I was married for 4 years... I ABSOLUTELY HATE having my birthday's at restaurants.. and guess where my fabulous husband had my birthday party EVERY STINKIN YEAR??? A restaurant!!! Not that the thought didn't count but i think listening to me counts for a little bit more... Every year i would throw him really fun birthday parties with different themes of things that interested him... threw him a big surprise party for his 25th.... and he just could not throw me a party anywhere but a restaurant... and he NEVER invited MY family... It took him four years to finally quit buying me flowers for valentines day! I hate getting flowers and he KNEW that.. but every year he would get me flowers. Again.. it is hard to appreciate the thought when they just wont listen to you.

Marriages always start out new and you can overlook their mistakes and think they are cute and you are understanding.. but what i learned... if a husband or wife can't listen to their partner then you don't have much of a partner.. and being understanding only nurtures the spouse to not care about your needs.

I may be a bitter but oh well!! Some may not agree but they may have a spouse that listens and cares.

I'm sorry that things aren't going well for you Lobodeb!! My marriage failed and i wouldn't wish that on anyone.. I hope things get better for you two!!

*HUGITO is sooooo cute!!!*

[Lobodeb]

In that post alone she has insinuated (sp? lol) that he is lazy, stupid, incompetent, he can't do anything right.

I never said he was stupid, incompetent or can't do anything right. I did say he was lazy.

Lobodeb, you really need to sit down with your husband and TALK to him. No blaming, just talking. Maybe you will find out the answers to your questions.

I did sit down and talk to him, and that's when I found out that he couldn't get a ride. He then lied to me and said he asked my mom what I wanted. He claims that she told him she didn't know. That is a lie on 2 fronts. He never asked her, and 2, she kept a list of what I wanted so she would know.

Someone else suggested that I keep a wish list. I do. He must have forgotten about it.

But to answer your question, yes I am disgusted with him, but not just over this birthday incident. There is a lot more going on that fueled this blow out.

Thanks everyone for your opinions. I did ask for them, however, I didn't ask to be called names, but none the less, I put my business out there, so I'm fair game, I guess.

[caseysmom]

Debby, Sorry some are insensitive when you really don't need it. I am sending you a big hug okay? I hope your husband will come around and be more sensitive and caring, that adorable little boy needs his mom and dad.

[BOBS DAD]

Debby, Sorry some are insensitive when you really don't need it. I am sending you a big hug okay? I hope your husband will come around and be more sensitive and caring, that adorable little boy needs his mom and dad.

I concur...

I have posted on this subject and I don't even really remember what I said??? I do recall however, that I find your husband's excuse about "cousin not giving him a ride" rather weak.

I hope that you can resolve this issue as you and your husband feel appropriate, and get back on track, with "both of you" being happy with the outcome!!!

[sparks19]

I never said he was stupid, incompetent or can't do anything right. I did say he was lazy.



I did sit down and talk to him, and that's when I found out that he couldn't get a ride. He then lied to me and said he asked my mom what I wanted. He claims that she told him she didn't know. That is a lie on 2 fronts. He never asked her, and 2, she kept a list of what I wanted so she would know.

Someone else suggested that I keep a wish list. I do. He must have forgotten about it.

But to answer your question, yes I am disgusted with him, but not just over this birthday incident. There is a lot more going on that fueled this blow out.

Thanks everyone for your opinions. I did ask for them, however, I didn't ask to be called names, but none the less, I put my business out there, so I'm fair game, I guess.

I didn't know about the lying and that IS 100% unacceptable. Did you ask your mother about that? I hope you confronted him about that. I most certainly would confront my husband if he ever lied to me. It really sounds like there are some serious problems and I really do hope you can both get past this "rough patch".

I can understand somewhat about the driving though. I don't drive. i don't even have my license. i do NOT like to drive. I detest it. I sometimes feel bad because my husband has to do all the driving, but he knew about this before he married me. I am simply not comfortable in a vehicle ESPECIALLY to drive it.

I don't recall anyone calling you names I could be wrong but I just don't have the energy or ambition right now to go check LOL.

I have been in some TERRIBLe relationships. They were full of lies, anger, arguments, and hateful words. I will NEVER be in a relationship like that again. I will always tell the truth even when it hurts, I will not dwell on the past, and I will not manipulate OR be manipulated. I made it perfectly clear when my husband and I started dating that if he ever felt the need to disrespect me that I would make short work of that. I give him all the respect in the world and he does the same for me and I would not tolerate any different. Respect and honesty are expected, demanded, and always reciprocated (this goes for him and myself).

Bob's Dad. LOL I didn't take it seriously. I don't get angry (unless it is called for) A lot ofpeople read my posts and think I am upset or a real harda$$ but you can't really tell from a post (unless I used some choice words LOL) The only thing that matters in my life is my family, friends and all our well being. the rest is just too piddly to get upset about. I have a sister who is angry ALL the time and what a terrible way to live life. Life is too short to be angry. I always find your sarcasm funny and refreshing I grew up in sarcasmville LOL when visiting with my family you better leave your feelings at the door haha because we are full of sarcasm (amongst other things lol).

[caseysmom]

this seems timely....no offense to all the men on pettalk, they are all the best.



THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS



REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY

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NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
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Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays ---

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The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
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Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
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