Would this upset you?

[Cataholic]

I get the impression that a lot of what's bothering Lobodeb isn't so much whether he did "enough" for this particular birthday, but what he did (or didn't do) for her birthday this year as compared to what he's done in the past. And yes, if I were with someone who used to make a big deal about my birthday and is now making lame excuses for why he couldn't get me anything, I'd wonder what his problem was.

I think that how a significant other treats you at birthdays and other holidays can give you some indication of where you stand with him or her. If your SO is extravagant when buying for himself and cheap when buying something for you, that's not a good sign. If she tosses a tantrum if you forget the anniversary of when you first met, but she can never be bothered to remember your birthday, that's a warning. While my ex-husband and I were dating, he insisted two years in a row on celebrating his birthday by going to lunch with his ex-wife. I definitely should have read that sign!

On the other hand, if you have a generally wonderful SO who doesn't give a flying toot about material things and can't even remember his own birthday, then his failure to make a big deal about your birthday wouldn't be worth fussing about.

CID- you surely stated it much better than I, and I can tell I touched a nerve in several of you. For those of you that responded to my post, it is obvious you have a wonderful person whose worth isn't measured in one day's activity, etc. Nor, does it appear that the relationship is one-sided, especially yours, Glacier. You have a relationship that sounds nearly perfect.

What the OP was complaining about though, isn't what most of us were responding to. It sounds as if her husband isn't very receptive to her feelings, not very respectful of her feelings. And, that isn't right. If a particular day, event, moment, whatever is important to her- it is important to her. If a certain behaviour is important to her- it is important to her.

Frankly, when one party 'used to do' something, and then there is a change, this situation needs to be addressed, less it develop into a serious matter.

[Glacier]

Nor, does it appear that the relationship is one-sided, especially yours, Glacier. You have a relationship that sounds nearly perfect.

Oh, I wouldn't go that far! It's a good relationship and we've figured out what works for us to keep it that way, but it's far from perfect. Stuart lives with severe chronic pain. Some days that makes him less than fun to live with! I have no doubt that he wonders why he married me sometimes too!

I had really good relationship role models. My parents have been married for over 36 years. Things have not always been easy, smooth or even happy for them, but they've stuck it out, held on to why they got together in the first place. They maintain their own interests and friends, but are still each other's best friend. I want in my marriage what they have.

[Logan]

This year, I had the most disappointing birthday, ever. Did I overreact? You'd better believe I did! My husband thought that my birthday fell on Tuesday, not Monday, as he just got the days wrong, not the date. He committed to do something with his son on the night of my birthday, and it rubbed me wrong, and when he said "We didn't have anything planned that night, did we?", I responded with, "I guess not", and I ended up feeling horrible! My husband doesn't see his children very often, nor is he invited to participate in their lives very often, so I definitely didn't want him to feel guilty about choosing to participate in something his son had invited him to attend. He took my daughter and me out to a nice dinner the night before my birthday and brought me flowers and a special card the night of my birthday. That was enough for me.

He does so many other special things, throughout the year, that remind me that he loves me (so much more than I ever do for him), that I could never feel any resentment towards him. Good heavens, I have reported several things, right here at Pet Talk, that he has done, including a beautiful portrait of our RB Zipper, just this week (in Dog General), and also bringing me our puppy, Mack, after we lost our Zipper.

I think we all need to appreciate the little things and get over the things that don't really matter, such as our birthdays, anniversaries, etc.

Logan