Would this upset you?

[Prairie Purrs]

I get the impression that a lot of what's bothering Lobodeb isn't so much whether he did "enough" for this particular birthday, but what he did (or didn't do) for her birthday this year as compared to what he's done in the past. And yes, if I were with someone who used to make a big deal about my birthday and is now making lame excuses for why he couldn't get me anything, I'd wonder what his problem was.

I think that how a significant other treats you at birthdays and other holidays can give you some indication of where you stand with him or her. If your SO is extravagant when buying for himself and cheap when buying something for you, that's not a good sign. If she tosses a tantrum if you forget the anniversary of when you first met, but she can never be bothered to remember your birthday, that's a warning. While my ex-husband and I were dating, he insisted two years in a row on celebrating his birthday by going to lunch with his ex-wife. I definitely should have read that sign!

On the other hand, if you have a generally wonderful SO who doesn't give a flying toot about material things and can't even remember his own birthday, then his failure to make a big deal about your birthday wouldn't be worth fussing about.

[Catty1]

I have NEVER heard her and her fiancee say they love each other or even say thank you, or anything nice to each other.

And they're getting MARRIED???

Tell her how much money she'll save on a lawyer if she breaks with him NOW!

[sparks19]

And they're getting MARRIED???

Tell her how much money she'll save on a lawyer if she breaks with him NOW!

PFFT he's the one thats gonna get screwed when they get divorced lol. She is spiteful like that and will take him for everything he's worth. but yes it's a scary thought that they are getting married and this is how they behave towards each other lol.

Catsindenver, you bring up a good point. I didn't get that from the post so I didn't think about that. if he did in fact make an effort before why has he suddenly stopped. What I got from the post is that he has never really put out much of an effort on holidays.

however, I do disagree with you on one point.

I think that how a significant other treats you at birthdays and other holidays can give you some indication of where you stand with him or her.

I think how a SO treats every single DAY is an indication on where you stand with them. If they only put out the effort on special occassions then isn't the gesture a little.... empty? I would rather him forget about my birthday and make his feelings towards me abundantly clear the rest of the year Then have a big deal made of my birthday just so he has a bye for the rest of the year and doesn't have to show how he feels until next year.

[Prairie Purrs]

Catsindenver, you bring up a good point. I didn't get that from the post so I didn't think about that. if he did in fact make an effort before why has he suddenly stopped. What I got from the post is that he has never really put out much of an effort on holidays.

however, I do disagree with you on one point.



I think how a SO treats every single DAY is an indication on where you stand with them. If they only put out the effort on special occassions then isn't the gesture a little.... empty? I would rather him forget about my birthday and make his feelings towards me abundantly clear the rest of the year Then have a big deal made of my birthday just so he has a bye for the rest of the year and doesn't have to show how he feels until next year.

Lobodeb's comment about what he'd done in the past appears in a later post, where she responds to some of the initial comments.

And of course it matters how your SO treats you day to day. But the topic seemed to be birthdays, so I was going with that.

[sparks19]

Lobodeb's comment about what he'd done in the past appears in a later post, where she responds to some of the initial comments.

And of course it matters how your SO treats you day to day. But the topic seemed to be birthdays, so I was going with that.

AH gotcha. I must have missed that post somehow. LOL this thread has been moving fast LOL

[timlewis]

I have to agree that its how they treat you day to day not just one or two days a year. If you are happy everyother day who cares about 2 or 3 days a year, a b-day is just another day and christmas well everyone thinks about what they are getting instead of what it really is. Everyone has forgot all about Jesus what about his b-day what did he get this year? If my wife got mad at me for not getting her something for her b-day then I might not get it just for the point because she shouldnt get mad. And personally I could care less what or if she gets me anything for mine or for christmas I am happy whatching her and my 2 kids opening their gifts. As long as they are happy who cares if i get anything i just like seeing my son and daughter and wife open gifts and seeing the smile on their face. Everyone is so caught up in material things we have forgotten about what matters LOVE do u love your husband or do you just want things? My wife cooks everyday and i could eat it off the floor my house is so clean (All The Time) and most important she takes great care of my kids. Not to mention all the small things she does and mentioned by someone before, i couldnt tell u the last time i had to get my soap out from under the sink if it start to melt away it suddenly just appears there and those little things is what matters the most. LOL not soap but little things that she does for me i couldnt live without her she makes my dinner for me everyday before i go to work, i use to take an apple and she would cut it up and put it in a little bowl for me, so why would i care if she remembers one or days a year. I tell u one more little story and ill shuttup, at sunday school they always ask if anyone has any b-days or anniversary and they sing to them. Well noone said anything and 2 or 3 days after we remembered that sunday was our anniversary and we hadnt bought anything for one another.

[Samantha Puppy]

There is nothing wrong in wanting your partner to be considerate of your feelings, likes, dislikes - of you, in general. If they love you, things that matter to you should matter to them. I too have a difficult time when I go out of my way to be sweet, thoughtful, or otherwise considerate of my husband and he doesn't reciprocate. Marriage is give and take, 50/50, and when it gets lop-sided too far in one direction, any human is going to get disillusioned and allow other issues to snowball into this one and get more upset than they would were it an isolated incident.

You're not being a diva. You're a woman.

[Cataholic]

I get the impression that a lot of what's bothering Lobodeb isn't so much whether he did "enough" for this particular birthday, but what he did (or didn't do) for her birthday this year as compared to what he's done in the past. And yes, if I were with someone who used to make a big deal about my birthday and is now making lame excuses for why he couldn't get me anything, I'd wonder what his problem was.

I think that how a significant other treats you at birthdays and other holidays can give you some indication of where you stand with him or her. If your SO is extravagant when buying for himself and cheap when buying something for you, that's not a good sign. If she tosses a tantrum if you forget the anniversary of when you first met, but she can never be bothered to remember your birthday, that's a warning. While my ex-husband and I were dating, he insisted two years in a row on celebrating his birthday by going to lunch with his ex-wife. I definitely should have read that sign!

On the other hand, if you have a generally wonderful SO who doesn't give a flying toot about material things and can't even remember his own birthday, then his failure to make a big deal about your birthday wouldn't be worth fussing about.

CID- you surely stated it much better than I, and I can tell I touched a nerve in several of you. For those of you that responded to my post, it is obvious you have a wonderful person whose worth isn't measured in one day's activity, etc. Nor, does it appear that the relationship is one-sided, especially yours, Glacier. You have a relationship that sounds nearly perfect.

What the OP was complaining about though, isn't what most of us were responding to. It sounds as if her husband isn't very receptive to her feelings, not very respectful of her feelings. And, that isn't right. If a particular day, event, moment, whatever is important to her- it is important to her. If a certain behaviour is important to her- it is important to her.

Frankly, when one party 'used to do' something, and then there is a change, this situation needs to be addressed, less it develop into a serious matter.

[Glacier]

Nor, does it appear that the relationship is one-sided, especially yours, Glacier. You have a relationship that sounds nearly perfect.

Oh, I wouldn't go that far! It's a good relationship and we've figured out what works for us to keep it that way, but it's far from perfect. Stuart lives with severe chronic pain. Some days that makes him less than fun to live with! I have no doubt that he wonders why he married me sometimes too!

I had really good relationship role models. My parents have been married for over 36 years. Things have not always been easy, smooth or even happy for them, but they've stuck it out, held on to why they got together in the first place. They maintain their own interests and friends, but are still each other's best friend. I want in my marriage what they have.

[Logan]

This year, I had the most disappointing birthday, ever. Did I overreact? You'd better believe I did! My husband thought that my birthday fell on Tuesday, not Monday, as he just got the days wrong, not the date. He committed to do something with his son on the night of my birthday, and it rubbed me wrong, and when he said "We didn't have anything planned that night, did we?", I responded with, "I guess not", and I ended up feeling horrible! My husband doesn't see his children very often, nor is he invited to participate in their lives very often, so I definitely didn't want him to feel guilty about choosing to participate in something his son had invited him to attend. He took my daughter and me out to a nice dinner the night before my birthday and brought me flowers and a special card the night of my birthday. That was enough for me.

He does so many other special things, throughout the year, that remind me that he loves me (so much more than I ever do for him), that I could never feel any resentment towards him. Good heavens, I have reported several things, right here at Pet Talk, that he has done, including a beautiful portrait of our RB Zipper, just this week (in Dog General), and also bringing me our puppy, Mack, after we lost our Zipper.

I think we all need to appreciate the little things and get over the things that don't really matter, such as our birthdays, anniversaries, etc.

Logan