Quote Originally Posted by Cataholic
Exactly. It shouldn't be the only indicator. And, when all else is going right, it prolly isn't the only indicator.

I am single. By choice. And, I think I know why. I just see alot of 'settling for' type attitudes here. I am not into excusing other's behaviors, when I don't excuse my own. I wonder, for those that are more of the 'it isn't a big deal', or 'men are different' position, how things fare when YOU forget to do those little things...cooking, cleaning, remember his family's events, pressies for your kids, laundry, etc. How does that go over? How about if YOU "forgot" to remind him for the 20th time to get outta bed, its worktime would go over well.

Curiously wondering. I guess my point is, if I have a point, is there equality with the overlooking of 'faults' issue? (Equality not having a pure 50/50 meaning, of course, but, an equitable meaning)
I didn't settle for anything. I had a serious boyfriend who made a big deal out of special dates--remembered every birthday, gave extravagant gifts, even remembered things like the day we met ect. He was wealthy, good looking, my parents adored him. He was also a liar and a cheat. Couldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. Wasted 6 years trying to change that in him. I'd much rather have my hubby who can't remember his own b-day let alone mine, but who I can trust without question all the time. When Stuart does send me flowers or something, it's because he wants to, not because he felt he had to or because he felt guilty about something!

If I didn't do the little things in your post, Stuart wouldn't notice. He'd do them himself. At least once a week, he gets frozen pizza for dinner because I don't feel like cooking. Some nights he gets home first and he cooks dinner. I don't do, never have, never will do his laundry. He's a grown man. He can do his own laundry. He doesn't touch my washing either. It will be a cold day in hell before I try to wake him up 20 times for work. I get myself up and off to work. If he doesn't get up, not my problem. He can explain it to his boss, just like I have to on the days I hit the snooze button a dozen times. I'm not his mother and I won't treat him like a child. I don't expect him to take care of me. I have a perfectly good father who did a fine job raising all four of his kids.

We don't have a list of chores or other plan to divide things up. I make substantially more money than he does. I pay most of the bills, including the mortgage and all the vet bills. He maintains my truck and the house. Stuart is much neater than I am. If he thinks the floor needs washing, he does it. I would just step over the mess. I care much more that my dogs have a clean yard than I do about how clean my house is. He doesn't do litter boxes, scoop the dog yard, feed the animals or exercise them. He does build a phenomonal fence whereever I tell him I need one! He does make sure my ATV is running so I can get the dogs out and he is my "handler" in the winter when I'm hooking up a team. He does tons of stuff around the house so I can have enough time to take the dog team out and make sure the non-working dogs get out for their walks. In the end, it might not look equitable, but it all works out.

I don't remember his family's events. I might remind him that his step-mother's b-day is coming up, but I don't go out and buy her a card. I've never met anyone in his family but his father. Occasions mean very little in his family. They are a big deal in my family. I remember my family's special dates and mark them in a way that fits for the person. He doesn't enjoy big family holidays like Christmas. He often stays home alone and cares for the critters while I go see my family.

Stuart was away a couple weeks ago and left me a love note written in the dust on the TV screen and another one in the dog nose prints on the picture window. I left them there for ages because I smiled every time I saw them. Last night he was talking about getting me a diamond blade for my chainsaw. Not quite the diamonds most women want! I'd like a few sparklies myself, but I LOVE using a chainsaw and a diamond blade would make it so much easier and faster! That is what it comes down to--he does things consistently that make my life easier. Even on the days I want to strangle him, he doesn't intentionally set out to make me feel that way!

And really, if there is something I really want, I'll just go buy it myself!