Would this upset you?

[RICHARD]

My mom and dad were married for 53 years.

I don't think I ever heard about their anniversary or birthday plans.

While anniversaries and B-days are indeed special days, I think that they were more involved in the loving, happy marriage and raising 6 kids.

--------------------------------


Don't let one day ruin 364 other days.

Take a second and think about how many people out there will spend an anniversary alone.

This doesn't excuse your hubby's 'inattentiveness".....there are some people who just don't respond well to calendars....

[Vela]

Great posts K9Soul, Sparks, and Richard. I couldn't agree more. VERY well said. People aren't perfect and it we nitpick the little stuff to death, then we lose sight of the important things. It's just not THAT big of a deal and he DID get flowers and DID get a card ON the day of your birthday. The first year we were married my husband forgot my birthday. It's on Christmas and he just forgot. Well here we are 17 years later. That nitpicky little crap will destroy a marriage if that's all that seems to matter. Worry about the big things. The rest of it IS trivial. Is it worth having angry hard feelings over a birhtday present, to hold onto that and have it cause marital problems over THAT??? Real love is not about whether or not someone gets you the right present on the right day. We don't do valentines, saying Happy Birthday is enough for us, it's the things you do for each other every day that matter. If there is a problem there, then that needs to be addressed on its own, not the issue of presents. People put waaay too much stock in that kind of thing nowdays. I bet people who lost spouses this year would be thrilled just to have a hug or an I love you from the person they lost. Try looking at the positives, not the negatives, there are always negatives in life. It's not settling for less, it's realizing people aren't perfect and we ALL have faults, some of us just learn how to deal with other's because we have faults of our own and realize that no matter who we are with, they will never be perfect and do things exactly as we would like, but if you can't accept other people's faults, why the heck should you expect them to accept yours?

[K9soul]

Sparks you stated it a lot better than I did. That is exactly how our partnership was too, and how I feel an ideal partnership is. I just wanted to say I agree with every last word of your post. I would not do well with someone who had a set of expectations from me, thus I did not turn around have have set expectations from him.

I have found that living life in general that way is the best way to go. Going from day to day with a set of expectations only leads to disappointment and the inability to enjoy the "ride" so to speak. You get caught up in needing things to be a certain way and spend much of your time unhappy when it doesn't. This is something I have learned through personal experience.

[sparks19]

Sparks you stated it a lot better than I did. That is exactly how our partnership was too, and how I feel an ideal partnership is. I just wanted to say I agree with every last word of your post. I would not do well with someone who had a set of expectations from me, thus I did not turn around have have set expectations from him.

I have found that living life in general that way is the best way to go. Going from day to day with a set of expectations only leads to disappointment and the inability to enjoy the "ride" so to speak. You get caught up in needing things to be a certain way and spend much of your time unhappy when it doesn't. This is something I have learned through personal experience.

thank you LOL although I thought your post was much better

I have learned a lot through personal experience but mostly I have learned it through watching my sister. she is the most materialistic person I will probably ever know. Everything to her is about material things. She has to have the best of everything. I remember her starting a fight with her soon to be husband because she couldn't find her expensive towels and she threw a fit cause she couldnt' afford to buy new expensive towels. he suggested just getting some cheap towels until they had the money to replace the good towels. She FREAKED. she went off on a tangent about how she bought them to go with the bathroom and she didn't decorate that bathroom to just put crap in it (lol funny when referring to a bathroom lol). I was appalled. Does a $20 towel do something a $5 towel doesn't? lol. I just see how angry she is ALL the time, I have NEVER heard her and her fiancee say they love each other or even say thank you, or anything nice to each other. I refuse to live life being angry all the time.

[lizbud]

A line from sparks previous post stated "He ALWAYS does the laundry because he knows I hate doing the laundry" Thats exactly the kind of
"knowing" that I meant in regards to a "knowing " the other partners
feelings on remembering special days (birthdays, anniversery, etc)

The gift itself is nothing compared to the remembering how the other
person feels about it & making an effort to show they do care about their
feelings by remembering.

[sparks19]

A line from sparks previous post stated "He ALWAYS does the laundry because he knows I hate doing the laundry" Thats exactly the kind of
"knowing" that I meant in regards to a "knowing " the other partners
feelings on remembering special days (birthdays, anniversery, etc)

The gift itself is nothing compared to the remembering how the other
person feels about it & making an effort to show they do care about their
feelings by remembering.

LOL he only KNOWS it because if he doesn't do it then he runs out of clean clothes LOL. he does it because he knows I won't do it. LOL it really has nothing to do with knowing my feelings on the subject. It just doesn't get done.... but he never complains about me not doing it.

Also he did send her flowers and left her a card. That is remembering. How was he to know that wasn't enough? I think that is remembering how the person feels and he did make an effort. What I got from the post was the it was not enough of an effort.

You know what I got and what we did for our first wedding anniversary? I got a wonderful card and some nice flowers. that night we went to my husbands hockey game.... the same thing we did on our wedding night. BUT, I love going to his games and all our friends are there. I don't need extravegant gifts or to go to fancy places, I am a down to earth kinda girl and spending the night at my hubby's hockey game and having a few beers in the parking lot after is just my kind of night.

My husband was married before, she EXPECTED many things from him. she took many things for granted with him. she expected him to do everything with her family, yet she never wanted to do anything with his family. Now they are divorced and we are happier than ever because we can just be ourselves, we can make mistakes, we can screw up, we can forget things but it's ok because we always know the love is there. he NEVER forgets to tell me how much he loves me.

Glacier, Great post. That is exactly how it is here... sorta. Except my husband works and I don't at the moment. He is a much better cook than I am but I enjoy cooking so we almost fight over who gets to cook dinner LOL, sometimes (if the room in the kitchen permits) we will make dinner together. He was in the Army though so he is much neater than I am. he folds his clothes just so, I just fold em so they at least look folded lol. But he is a big boy, he is an adult. if he wanted a mother he would have never left home. I find people confuse Wife with mother too often. We are not there to "take care of them". Believe it or not, most men can take care of themselves just fine (although there is nothing wrong with babying them every once in while, God knows my husband takes care of me when i am not 100%). I am his wife not his mother, he knows that. I made that abundantly clear before we even decided to get married. He is much neater than I am though lol so he usually has to pick up behind me hahahaha. poor guy

[Vela]

A line from sparks previous post stated "He ALWAYS does the laundry because he knows I hate doing the laundry" Thats exactly the kind of
"knowing" that I meant in regards to a "knowing " the other partners
feelings on remembering special days (birthdays, anniversery, etc)

The gift itself is nothing compared to the remembering how the other
person feels about it & making an effort to show they do care about their
feelings by remembering.

I agree with you. The only thing in this instance with the OP is her husband DID remember, it really wasn't his doing that the flowers were late. A card and flowers saying I love you seem very adequate to me, and a thoughtful gesture, so to ME, it seemed odd that someone would be so mad about not getting another present as well. I could see her being upset if maybe he blew the whole thing off and didn't care at all but that's not what happened.

Glacier, great post.

[Pam]

I couldn't vote. I certainly don't think you are a diva, but I just don't see a problem with your hubby.

Jess (K9soul) has said everything I would say and more, and much better I might add. To be honest, I don't know why this man let her get away.

We are all human. We all forget. The fact that hubby had a card for you ready to view when you woke up and tried to send flowers would have been more than enough for me.

I don't know about anyone else but buying gifts for people is very hard for me. I often don't know what to buy and I put it off because I am always thinking that eventually I'll think of *the perfect gift.* This could be why your hubby waited so long. Years ago my hubby used to buy me perfume. Often I couldn't wear it as he likes much stronger scents than I do and sometimes the perfume he would buy me would give me a headache. He sort of lost his zeal after that because he was afraid of disappointing me again.

I am the one in the family who enjoys yard work. He works in the yard because he has to and I work in the yard because I like it. My birthday is in the fall, and one year he bought be a leaf blower for my birthday. I thought it was very clever of him and appreciated it very much. My co-workers at that time thought it was a horrible gift. They thought he should have bought jewelry or something more feminine. My point really is that we are all different and our relationships with our spouses are all different. I think it is more about how we are treated on a daily basis rather than what we give or receive on a special day.

[sparks19]

I agree with you. The only thing in this instance with the OP is her husband DID remember, it really wasn't his doing that the flowers were late. A card and flowers saying I love you seem very adequate to me, and a thoughtful gesture, so to ME, it seemed odd that someone would be so mad about not getting another present as well. I could see her being upset if maybe he blew the whole thing off and didn't care at all but that's not what happened.

Glacier, great post.

I couldn't agree more.

Also, I hope the OP Significant other doesn't see this thread. She didn't paint him in a flattering light and I know if it were my spouse saying things like that about me I would be very upset. and that IS a valid reason to be angry. I understand she was upset but I think saying things like that (even thinking things like that) really hurts a relationship. lobodeb, you say things aren't well between you two besides this birthday thing. I am very sorry I hope you guys can talk it out and get back on track.