Would this upset you?

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I guess I have a different opinion than most of the people who posted- I would be upset, and I can understand where you are coming from. I think the thing that would annoy me the most is that he said his cousin couldn't pick him up as an excuse TWICE. And the day before hand. There are other modes of transport in Chicago, like a bus.

I know that no one is perfect, but I do think it's important for people to remember things that are important to their loved ones. Of course it's not the end of the world but I do think telling him how you felt might be a good idea. Maybe he just "doesn't get it."

[K9soul]

I read through this last night before I went to bed and it's been going through my mind since. Probably more than it normally would, since my marriage has fallen through (not by my choice), and I have birthday and holidays facing me within the next few months for the first time by myself.

The thing that my mind keeps going back to is waking up to find the card by your purse. To me that would touch me the most and would mean the most to me. That he made sure to have a card and that it was waiting for you when you got up. Something like that would touch me deeply. Maybe that seems odd to some, I can't really put into words why THAT would be the thing that would stand out to me.

David wasn't great with birthdays, "special" dates and gifts either. It was something that never bothered me because I felt he showed his love for me in so many other ways throughout the year. Most the time he forgot to get me a card at all, and gifts were usually just us being out together and him telling me to pick up something I wanted. In the earlier years, he put more thought into those things, but as time passed he grew more lax about it and it was never something I made much of. The thing I did always wish was that he'd at least remember a card, or a note or something like that, but I never felt angry if he forgot. As I said he did so many other things, both large and small, that showed me my importance to him.

He made no secret of the fact that he really didn't enjoy the chore of birthday/Christmas gift getting and giving. It was a chore to him. The days crept up on him and he'd suddenly find himself the day before or the day of, with no idea what to do and I think it actually stressed him out to a degree.

Not to make it sound as if he was selfish and not giving of himself, he was, and is, a VERY giving and considerate person to those he is close to. Any holiday he is up at the crack of dawn and getting to his mom's house to help prepare and then clean up the meal for the large family gatherings. You never have to ask him twice if you need help with something, even now with he and I that's still true.

Anyway, to cut all these ramblings short, it's the little things that I always tried to look at, that meant the most. I never wanted him to do something for my birthday etc simply because it was expected of him, I never wanted anything he did to be because it was a chore or a task he had to get out of the way. When he did do little things, it was all the more special because I didn't expect it of him.

I guess finally, I just want to urge you, and anyone, to embrace fully the little things, and what you have. Treasure the love and companionship you have and don't let it be mired by failed expectations. It can so suddenly and so easily be gone tomorrow, and you will find yourself wishing with all your heart you had not spent the time stuck in resentment over things that really didn't matter so much.

I'd love to wake up on my birthday, and hear my husband tell me happy birthday and he's sorry he forgot to pick up a card, but that he still loves me.

[caseysmom]

K9soul, Your post was beautiful and so true. I have lost so many loved ones in the last few years I can really relate.

I hope you find love again soon.