Please keep Phred in your prayers.

[Cinder & Smoke]

Four a-klock Tuesday was getting closer ... tick ... tock ... tickity ... tockity ...
the Sandy Bag was *crushing* me.

In pops Nighty Nurse's Aid - with her *smiley* face in a fresh scowl.
HI, sez I - ya know what TIME it is?

Another nasty *scowl* as she announces "Yup, it's 4:10"

Uhhh, this Brick comes off at 4:00.
"Sez who?"
The note on my board - "Sandbag till 4:00"
"I'll have to check with your Nurse."

She stomped back a little while later and removed the SandyBag / Brick -
then pulled my dress down and *poked* the bandage a few times ...
"Gotta see if there's any 'seepage' or bleeding."

sez I.

I start to climb out of the big hole in the butt area of my mattress ...
"And WHERE do you think YOU'RE going!?"

Uhhh ... for a lil Hike in the Hall with Bear??

"Don't think so, Bud! You're on BED REST till 6:00!"

- - ... but she was a LOT Bigger than me,
so I stayed put with any eye on the clock ... tick ... tock ...

6:00 came and I discovered my dress was untied at the top - hardly suitable for a Hike in the Hall.
I *buzzed* into Nurse HQ ... "Yessss ... whadda ya want?"
Can you ask Connie (my 'Real' RN Nursey) to stop by - I need help with my gown.

Connie never showed ... I got Miz *Smiley* with another hateful scowl ...
WHAT's wrong with your gown?
It's untied at the top.
"I know - I untied it ... I'll tie it when it needs to be tied." *Smiley*

She wandered back about 6:20 ... "You wanna go to the bathroom?"
SURE! I almost (almost) *leaped* out of bed ... then discovered she was gonna
*watch* the big trip to the potty. I *went*, then came back to the bed to grab Teddy
and headed for the door and FREEDOM ...

"HEY! WHERE ya goin? GET back in bed, NOW!"

Bbbbuuutttt ... it's 6:30 - I'm allowed "out" now. I wanna take a Hike.

"I said 'BATHROOM at 6:00' - not hallway!
At 8:00 you can go anywhere ya want - *IN*side This ROOM!
Ya can 'hike' tomorrow! ... Back IN BED - NOW!"



Connie appeared about 9:00 (*Smiley* had gone home) and I pleaded my case with her.
Not impressed ... she said Doc R. "never" let's patients "walk" the day of the procedure.
NUTZ!
When are you going home? And who's your Relief?

"Jeanine comes in at 11:30 ... I see you in the morning."

... I lay quietly waitin for Jeanine.

Jeanine dropped in about 11:30-ish ... she was super friendly the night before ...
I and about 'needing' a Hike - that Teddy was getting bored.
Anyway, it was gonna be "Tomorrow" in another 15 minutes.
She went off to *look at my chart* ...

The "Official Word" scribbled by Doc R. was "NO ambulation till morning".

Sez I: Sooooo ... what'sa problem? "Morning starts in 10 minutes - a New Day!

She looked *up* for Divine Guidance ...
"OK, I give up ... I gotta go see some sick people - You anna Bear do whatever
you want - just don't let me *see* you guys outta this room!
And try to keep it to ONE trip around the block!"

DEAL!
Bear and I slipped into our suits and Took a Hike around the block.
The Plan was to do a fancy figure-8 through the Nurses' Station; then
reverse and repeat the journey before passing our room again.
Off we went ... Hmmmmm ... wonder why there's a "WET FLOOR" sign at both ends in the middle of the far hallway?

- - -
Answer: 'Cause the guy just drove the Rug Scrubber down the dang hall!
Slipper Sockz don't do well on WET Carpet!
Gave the Girls all a good .
One even offered that "THAT's why they put that SIGN up!"



Bear and I revised our route ... the "trail" we were leaving dried up during the second pass ...
Jeanine couldn't "see" we made TWO trips around the block.

We crawled into bed and I hug the soggy sockz up to dry on the bed railing.
Jeanine came in for evening pills and "noted" the Soggy Socks ...

"Lemmie guess - they're scrubbing the hall rug?
You guys have a nice Hike?"

Smarty Pants ... G-nite!

She got her revenge ... woke us up at SIX a-klock in the morning!
"Rise & Shine - you're due in X-ray at 7:00!
Get yourself cleaned up - da Bus will be here at 6:30!"

You allow 30 minutes to go down 6 floors in an elevator and wind thru the halls for a quarter mile!???
Jeanine just *smiled* and said G-bye - she'd be gone when I got back.

Da Bus pulled up - no Racing Stripes (or *dents*) showing; and the Driver wasn't wearing
a flame suit. I hopped on with Bear and we stopped at TV Central to swap the "local"
telemetry box for a Long-Range model ... then off to the express elevator ...

A very "sedate" trip to X-ray - don't think we *clipped* a single corner.
I got abandoned in the hall for almost a half hour - their excuse for a Patient Waiting Area.
Hopped off the cart, stood for 2 of the machine;
then lay on the cart for another 20 minutes for a different Driver to return and
haul us back to home on the 6th floor.

Breakfast had arrived ~~~ Rubber Eggs, tasty home fries, a cold muffin, juice, kawfee,
and a bowl of "porridge" that TWO packs of sugar couldn't help down.

The came The Blonde ... *perky* little thing - the Medtronic Rep to "check"
the Buzz Box and turn on a couple of features, then demo the "warning *Beeps*" da Box could produce if doom was pending. She *be-popped* in and asked:
"Are you Mr. Phred? I'm Suzie-Q from Medtronic!"

NOPE- he died last night and they hauled his ass outta here.
OMG!
I thought she was gonna *pass out*!
Memo to Self: DON'T joke with the Buzz Box Rep!

She finished her check-out and sent a couple of "Beeps" for me to hear ...
then seemed happie to be on her way! "Call Doc if you have any questions ..."

She'll remember THAT patient visit for a while!

Next up - *WAIT* and *wait* and freakin *WAIT* for Dear Doc to show up ...

New Roomie showed up around 2:00 PM - and was immediately hustled off
for some procedure.
We chatted a bit when he and Wifey returned ...
but he was tired and drifted of to La-La Land after he ate his cold lunch.

I made a few phone calls ... no problemo till Miz NOT *Smiley*, the Nurse's Aid gal, returned
in mid-phone call ...
"HEY! Didn't anyone tell you NOT to use that cellphone in here? QUIT IT!"

I hid behind the curtain for a couple more calls, then got back to "waiting" ...
All was well till "Mom" / Diana called and the darn cell *RANG* just as NOT *Smiley*
walked back into the room! OMG! ... This is gonna turn *UGGLIE!

"HEY! What'd I tell you about that phone!?
You'll goof up all the Telemetry in the hospital. QUIT IT!"

The *WAIT* lasted till 6:30 PM ... luckily they knew I was still there 'cause I got meal trays
for Lunch AND Dinner ...

In *popped* My Dear Doc - all *SMILEY* and Happie.

After a listen check with her 'scope, she lay down the New Rules ...
* NO using the left arm for a week ...
* NO Lifting or raising that arm above the shoulder for a MONTH
* NO Driving for a MONTH
* Keep it CLEAN - soap & water, then *pat* it dry - NO Rubbing!

Question?? Should I use antibiotic creme on the Zipper?

"Of COURSE not! BUGS grow in that stuff!
Didn't I just say SOAP & WATER!?"

And she wasn't in any mood to "negotiate" the NO Driving.

OK ... just Sign me OUTTA here!
That only took another half hour.

Unlike the last Hoppsbittle Exit (down the back steps led by my Nurse) ...
I opted for the Free Bus Ride down with a Real Bus Driver.
He finally arrived and offered a seat on his BigWheel Chariot ...
A final G-bye to Cute Nurse Connie and we were OFF to meet Unka Pat!

Teddy-E-Bear rode on my lap and made a few friends on the way down ...
da Bus Driver almost drove me into the front seat of Pat's Bus and helped toss
my satchel into the back seat, then bid us G-bye & Good Luck! Nice Guy!

A quick stop at Wally's Mart for antibiotic pills and Tylenol ... then to Pat's Place to
SEE THE KIDS Again!!

Quite the Adventure is was it was ...
And a SPECIAL THANKS to All the Pet Talkers who sent Notes, Cards, Calls, and PRAYERS!!

I don't think "WE" coudda dun it without all your Love & Support ...

THANKS, Gang!!


{{{HUGS}}}


/s the Bionic Boy

[shais_mom]

wowza
sounds like in the midst of the phone calls when you complained about the emails not getting thru you should have mentioned the Nurses aide.

yea - we used to have a no cell phone rule - there was a lady walking down the hall one day chatting away and I said "sorry ma'am there isn't allowed any cell use in here" and she looked at me and said "yea I know" - her daughters were aghast - MOM get off the phone. Her reply - "what's she gonna do shoot me?" turns out she used to work there and was a respiratory tech - so she knows all about heart schtuff. I have never said a word to another person about it I swore I would not put up with that again. Shortly thereafter - it was deemed safe to be on the cell phone in the hospital. Good thing since most of the nurses spend a lot of time on them talking to kids or boyfriends or husbands etc

[Bengalz]

Phred - don't EVER stop expressing yourself Reading your last post had me in tears of laughter - oh the images ......

I'm so glad you're feeling well enough to give us such a great play by play - must mean you're on the rollercoaster to recovery Be good, play nice and get some rest.

Hugs,
Betty

[Daisy and Delilah]

Rolling on the floor again Phred!! Too bad the hospital staff really didn't share your wonderful sense of humor Gosh!! Can't they take a joke or two?? What a thrill it is to be able to read your accounts of the adventure. Keep the stories coming. How are you feeling and how is it with only one arm? I can imagine it's a big pain in the........ I know if it were possible, all the PT'ers would form a great big nursing staff to make sure you have the best care 24/7. Too bad we can't all be there to help Take care and get better!!

[cyber-sibes]

Aw Phred, they'll probably put up a plaque in the hallway with your name on it for the "most memorable patient"! Try & take it easy.

[Barbara]

Oh Phred- you are the one who is sick and you get everyone rolling on the floor!
How come that nurses always are tougher than doctors?

I can imagine how much the kids were happy to see you (and Bear) again

[Cincy'sMom]

Phred, I work A LOT with Medtronic setting up the chemsitry test of their products to be sure they are safe for patient use. I don't know their sales people, but working with their engineerings, I found your joke very funny!!! They need to loosen up and laugh once and a while

[pitc9]

Oh Phred... I'm pretty sure that the nurses there will not forget you and may be talking about you for a while!
Glad to hear your tickin'!

[Randi]

Good grief, what an adventure you had!! But it was fun to read - better than ANY thriller! I'm glad you lived through it, it would have finished off everyone else. What were they trying to do? Test your stamina! When I got to the "WET FLOOR" bit, I almost fainted!

Well, I guess it was all for your own good. I hope you're feeling a lot better now, with your friends around, the prayer pups and Boots - and in your own bed!

Now, take it easy, get some yummy food, and keep that arm down!

[Pam]

"Are you Mr. Phred? I'm Suzie-Q from Medtronic!"

NOPE- he died last night and they hauled his ass outta here.
OMG!
I thought she was gonna *pass out*!
Memo to Self: DON'T joke with the Buzz Box Rep!

Phred I am sitting here in my silent house waiting for the rest of the folks to wake up. I am surprised no one has heard my outbursts of laughter. Your statement above, just about made me fall off the chair!

I can see everything you describe in my mind's eye and your writing is just *top knotch* and hilarious. I'm with Rachel.... an illustrated book filled with all of your humorous remembrances would be a treasure to have.

I can see that you are a patient that will have to be carefully watched. I guess there's no chance of getting the prayer pups to turn into attack pups should they see their Papa put the key into the ole ignition on the car. I guess we don't need to worry, though, because after this account you would never want to do anything that would land you back up in that hobspittle.

Thank you for such an enjoyable account this morning. I wish I was close enough to help in some way. Since I'm not, I can still send some healing prayers up from NJ that should arrive at heaven almost as fast as your hospital race cart could get them there. Get well soon friend!

[Bengalz]

I can see everything you describe in my mind's eye and your writing is just *top knotch* and hilarious. I'm with Rachel.... an illustrated book filled with all of your humorous remembrances would be a treasure to have.

I so agree - a #1 Best Seller on the New York Times list most definitely We'd all have to buy several copies to distribute to our friends

So could it be that this is your next career???

Hugs and prayers to you - feel better,

Betty

[momoffuzzyfaces]

We've been after Phred to put all his and the critters adventures in books for years. He could give the popular "Cat Who" series a run for the money for sure!!! His could be "The Critters Who" series.

The adventure of Bootz and the Klamz Juice is a classic!!!

Hope you are feeling better every day Phred!!!

[Logan]

I finally found time to catch up, and figured out that you expressed your concern about my Lilly before I even had time to catch up on you!

Thank you, dear friend. You have not left my thoughts, even though I have been distracted, outside of Pet Talk.

Logan

[Cinder & Smoke]

I can see that you are a patient that will have to be carefully watched.

I guess there's no chance of getting the prayer pups to turn into attack pups
should they see their Papa put the key into the ole ignition on the car.

Who, ME?

Came close ... needed sum Pillz, Dawg Food, an "ME" FOOD!
Was preppin for the Big Trip on Friday when ole Firefighter Donny called ...
"Shirley made some supper for ya - be over inna few minutes!

I was almost going to be late for the Dawg Food Shoppe if I left NOW ...
If I *waited* for supper - the KIDS would go hungry ...
I stammered that maybe I'd skip supper ...
Donny ain't *dumm* ... "You're GOING somewhere, aren't you!?"

He'd be right over, WITH supper, and TAKE me wherever I needed to go!
We got the Dawg Grub, Kat Krunch, Pillz, and ME Food ... and Donny hauled
it all upstairs, too!


Didn't have time to "call for a ride" on Saturday ...

All THREE of the flippin MUTTZ took an unauthorized "hike" around lunch time.
LOTTA *Hollerin* and Door **SLAMMIN** later ...

Mr. BAD Mutt Smokey was beatin feet from the west side neighbor's woods ...
followed a few minutes later by Miz BAD Mutt Cinder, at a medium trott,
returning from about the same direction.
Two IN, one still missing.

The Small, Fluffie, Hunter has been known to go that way ... OR across the Road;
OR up to the horse barn; OR who knows ...

I decided to "give" him 30 more minutes ... of *Hollerin* and Door **SLAMMIN**!

I was ready to dress up and start hikin when I heard **HONKIN** in the driveway.
Opened the doo to a neighbor from the Church Camp asking:
"Did you loose one of your Dogs?"
Yuppers, the lil Short, Fluffie One!

"He's down by the Camp - he wouldn't jump in the car with me!"

Sorrie Doc - we're going fur a BUS Ride!
I jumped in the Bus and followed the *Spotter* up the road ...
Half a mile to the Church Camp drive - and there's the Dang Mutt ...
wandering up their driveway ...

I pulled da Bus up alongside of him and hollered "Hey, BOWZ!"
He did a panic *look-around* as if to wonder if escape was possible ...
then just sort of *shuffled* my direction. I popped his door open and he jumped in.
We didn't "say" much on the way back to the Ranch!

I hope I muttered a "THANKS" to the Guy Upstairs.

It's gonna be a Loooooong month!


/s/ the Bionic Boy

[Pam]

Who, ME?


Was preppin for the Big Trip on Friday when ole Firefighter Donny called ...

Timing is everything, and Donny's is just about perfect. I know we are all so glad that you have lots of hoomans lookin' out for you and ready to bring hot chow right to your door. Now if only the dawgs would get the picture. Cinder, Smokester and Bowser Boy, the idea is to keep the hooman inside and resting. How are you gonna do that frolicking all over the neighborhood? Doncha know it doesn't take much for your lovable dad to *break the rules.* We need some cooperation here, you guys (oops, sorry Miss Cinder).

P.S. Ripley gave me the old Bowser *look-around* once when he backed out of his collar on a walk (we use a harness now). I had been chasing him down the street and was ready to go belly up on the sidewalk. A total stranger in a white SUV stopped and asked me if that was my dog. I must have looked close to death when I said yes. He asked his name and then very sternly called RIPLEY! Ripley's tail dropped like a bomb and he slunk over to me. I guess he preferred me to a stranger because this guy didn't look like he'd accept a *no* from Ripley. Sorry to get off track, but I will never forget the *look-around* look. Glad Bowser didn't need the help of my friend in the white van. He was sort of like The Lone Ranger only in a van and not on a horse.