Hubby makes me mad( good update first op )

[Karen]

I think I will find a real marriage counselor. Instead of bringing him to MY counselor.

That sounds like a constructive step.

[wolf_Q]

It saddens me that you are getting rid of yet another bunny. You had two when you joined here, what happened to them?

http://petoftheday.com/talk/showthre...ight=roby+drew

[ashleycat]

We just talked after him reading my letter.
he's letting me keep her because I explained how cheap it is to have her, and I have to move her out of the kitchen. Because he wants to get a dining room set.

He's letting me get the tat too, because I explained that they are small and next to my other one. He thought I was going to get something drastic.

He only doesnt want me wearing camis in public functions.

So we are better for now. We have counseling tomorrow.

About Robyn and drew. That is a long story, long ago. And I've learned from it. Nuff said.. Have you read that thread wolf Q? That was a small part of it.

[Catty1]

Good stuff!

As you mentioned - you may want to keep your counsellor for YOU - and discuss with her a referral to a marriage counsellor. I hope you two go to one.

Good luck, and keep us posted!

hugs

[ashleycat]

actually since I wrote him the letter. He's been happy and cheerfull. lol. In return.. I'm happy. for now. He's being overly affectionate. Which is weird. He has admitted he controls me. So that's step one.

[Samantha Puppy]

Well, pick a stance and stick with it. You can't play the victim for 8 pages and then tell us it isn't that bad. Which is it? Are you spineless miserable housewife with a husband who walks all over her every chance he gets, or are things really not "that bad"?

[Corinna]

I may get creamed for this but oh well. We have olny heard her side I have seen some people in Camis that really should not be . Perhaps Ashleycats has some fashion issuse that need working on. Perhaps some of the other issuses are not just his. I know I had some self realsation when i had been married a while, things that dateing were ignored but getting older and being a mom were not acceptable any more.
I am glad you are in therapy, I do hope hubby follows through and does too. A good couples counciler is a great idea is there one reccommended buy your church (if you have one) Hugs to you keep at it but you both must remember the Number one goal is a happy healthy relationship for your child.

[K9soul]

Ashley, I think it's really good that you are really trying to work through things, and that you recognize some of the reactions you've had in the past weren't healthy, i.e. the anger and acting out. It IS a very important step to recognize there are problems, because you can become so immersed in the way things are that it's hard to even see that things aren't going well. I know this from experience. It's hard to put into words, but I know how hard it is to start clawing your way out of a rut like that, especially when dealing with depression, which tries to sap your will and motivation every moment of every day. But I think you are really trying, and I hope you keep doing so. Don't ever give up. You can't make sweeping changes over night, and to expect that of yourself can drag you back down again, so try to savor and be proud of every triumph.

I think most important is to work on your own self-confidence and self-esteem. If you can improve these things, the rest will become easier. You aren't ugly or useless, and you have great potential! You have definitely shown creativity and talent in your jewelry and crafts. I think it'd be wonderful if you could look into taking some classes again or something to focus and motivate you. Have you ever thought about selling your crafts on e-bay? Setting yourself some goals and things to look forward to are very very important. Do you have any good friends or a support system? That could really help you as well. You don't need to answer any of my questions, I'm just trying to throw out thoughts and ideas . Keep meeting with various counselors until you can find one you really click with. I know how hard that can be too. I have had bad counselors and they make things worse. Don't let them intimidate you, if you don't feel like they are helping you, find someone else. If you can begin feeling more confident and better about yourself, your husband will probably be less inclined to exert so much control. As I'm sure you have experienced, when you have trouble with confidence and assertiveness, people seem to pick up on that and push you down more.

Do try to let go of past, mistakes, how things were, etc etc, and focus on the now most of all. If you make a mistake, just try to move on and not dwell on it, do better next time. None of us are perfect. You just have to keep trying and trying again. I still have to try hard sometimes to keep from slipping back into old habits, but it does get easier.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

The only thing he comes up with, is that he would like for me to cook and clean more often and dance for him. I HAVE been doing the first 2 for him.

Good to see he treats you with so much respect

Does he dance for you? Jeez, get some self respect girl and kick him into touch!!!

[JenBKR]

The only thing he comes up with, is that he would like for me to cook and clean more often and dance for him. I HAVE been doing the first 2 for him.

Dance for him? Are you serious?

[caseysmom]

Yeah I agree with the others, the dancing for him puts a whole different light on the situation for me.

[ashleycat]

for one. he doesn't get mad if I don't dance for him. It is a request ok.

I'm taking a break from the board. threatening cps is just over the line. They can come see for themselves. Nothing will warrant for cps. Stuff sounds bad here I agree. But it's not THAT FREAKING BAD. I've see way worse. As a child I sat thru watching my alcoholic step dad and his alcoholic girlfriend get into some pretty violent fights. Here.. it's nothing NEAR that.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

I've see way worse. As a child I sat thru watching my alcoholic step dad and his alcoholic girlfriend get into some pretty violent fights. Here.. it's nothing NEAR that.

Could explain why you put up with so much sweetheart but it still doesn't make it okay

[ashleycat]

I know!!, that's why we are going to counseling. but all I'm saying.. it's nothing near that here. People don't need to get all bent out of shape. He doesn't YELL or raise his voice. He doesn't hit me. I don't hit him. I don't yell either. I get a lil tiffy. like a child. Ok, yeah I said it, like a child.

It is the internet, no one really knows what goes on. People are making it sound waaay worse than it really is. Bending stories around.

I do have a problem letting too much personal stuff out here. Who knows, maybe counseling will help that too.