Hubby makes me mad( good update first op )

[ashleycat]

Okay, calm down, folks.

Ashleycat, you have some decisions to make. Not regarding the bunny or the tattoo or the counselor.

First, you need to figure out what you want from your life. If you are that angry, and have been for a year, you need to re-evaluate things and take a good hard look at why you are angry.

Next, you need to figure out what you want from this marriage. And if you are not willing to work at it, both of you, then you need to not complain about it publicly. People here are willing to sympathize, but not to be doormats, or to advocate being doormats. A marriage is a partnership. If either of you is not willing to compromise, a marriage will never work, and you will always be unhappy.

Third, if you are going to a counselor that tells you your depression is caused by anything someone else does, stop going to that person. He or she is not doing you any good, and may be doing you harm.

In all these things, you need consider the impact your anger and unhappiness is having on your daughter, your pets, and your home.

We cannot help you make any of these decisions.

I have been trying to make things better with him. I'm always trying to talk to him and he agrees with almost everything I say. He always says I'm not asking for too much. I will try harder. I ask him what about me that bugs you? The only thing he comes up with, is that he would like for me to cook and clean more often and dance for him. I HAVE been doing the first 2 for him.

As for what makes me angry. HJe knows it. But he refuses to sdee it. He is passive agressive towards me. He says... well my co workers dont think I am PA.

I think I will find a real marriage counselor. Instead of bringing him to MY counselor.

[Karen]

I think I will find a real marriage counselor. Instead of bringing him to MY counselor.

That sounds like a constructive step.

[wolf_Q]

It saddens me that you are getting rid of yet another bunny. You had two when you joined here, what happened to them?

http://petoftheday.com/talk/showthre...ight=roby+drew

[ashleycat]

We just talked after him reading my letter.
he's letting me keep her because I explained how cheap it is to have her, and I have to move her out of the kitchen. Because he wants to get a dining room set.

He's letting me get the tat too, because I explained that they are small and next to my other one. He thought I was going to get something drastic.

He only doesnt want me wearing camis in public functions.

So we are better for now. We have counseling tomorrow.

About Robyn and drew. That is a long story, long ago. And I've learned from it. Nuff said.. Have you read that thread wolf Q? That was a small part of it.

[Catty1]

Good stuff!

As you mentioned - you may want to keep your counsellor for YOU - and discuss with her a referral to a marriage counsellor. I hope you two go to one.

Good luck, and keep us posted!

hugs

[ashleycat]

actually since I wrote him the letter. He's been happy and cheerfull. lol. In return.. I'm happy. for now. He's being overly affectionate. Which is weird. He has admitted he controls me. So that's step one.

[Samantha Puppy]

Well, pick a stance and stick with it. You can't play the victim for 8 pages and then tell us it isn't that bad. Which is it? Are you spineless miserable housewife with a husband who walks all over her every chance he gets, or are things really not "that bad"?

[Corinna]

I may get creamed for this but oh well. We have olny heard her side I have seen some people in Camis that really should not be . Perhaps Ashleycats has some fashion issuse that need working on. Perhaps some of the other issuses are not just his. I know I had some self realsation when i had been married a while, things that dateing were ignored but getting older and being a mom were not acceptable any more.
I am glad you are in therapy, I do hope hubby follows through and does too. A good couples counciler is a great idea is there one reccommended buy your church (if you have one) Hugs to you keep at it but you both must remember the Number one goal is a happy healthy relationship for your child.

[K9soul]

Ashley, I think it's really good that you are really trying to work through things, and that you recognize some of the reactions you've had in the past weren't healthy, i.e. the anger and acting out. It IS a very important step to recognize there are problems, because you can become so immersed in the way things are that it's hard to even see that things aren't going well. I know this from experience. It's hard to put into words, but I know how hard it is to start clawing your way out of a rut like that, especially when dealing with depression, which tries to sap your will and motivation every moment of every day. But I think you are really trying, and I hope you keep doing so. Don't ever give up. You can't make sweeping changes over night, and to expect that of yourself can drag you back down again, so try to savor and be proud of every triumph.

I think most important is to work on your own self-confidence and self-esteem. If you can improve these things, the rest will become easier. You aren't ugly or useless, and you have great potential! You have definitely shown creativity and talent in your jewelry and crafts. I think it'd be wonderful if you could look into taking some classes again or something to focus and motivate you. Have you ever thought about selling your crafts on e-bay? Setting yourself some goals and things to look forward to are very very important. Do you have any good friends or a support system? That could really help you as well. You don't need to answer any of my questions, I'm just trying to throw out thoughts and ideas . Keep meeting with various counselors until you can find one you really click with. I know how hard that can be too. I have had bad counselors and they make things worse. Don't let them intimidate you, if you don't feel like they are helping you, find someone else. If you can begin feeling more confident and better about yourself, your husband will probably be less inclined to exert so much control. As I'm sure you have experienced, when you have trouble with confidence and assertiveness, people seem to pick up on that and push you down more.

Do try to let go of past, mistakes, how things were, etc etc, and focus on the now most of all. If you make a mistake, just try to move on and not dwell on it, do better next time. None of us are perfect. You just have to keep trying and trying again. I still have to try hard sometimes to keep from slipping back into old habits, but it does get easier.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

The only thing he comes up with, is that he would like for me to cook and clean more often and dance for him. I HAVE been doing the first 2 for him.

Good to see he treats you with so much respect

Does he dance for you? Jeez, get some self respect girl and kick him into touch!!!

[JenBKR]

The only thing he comes up with, is that he would like for me to cook and clean more often and dance for him. I HAVE been doing the first 2 for him.

Dance for him? Are you serious?

[caseysmom]

Yeah I agree with the others, the dancing for him puts a whole different light on the situation for me.

[ashleycat]

for one. he doesn't get mad if I don't dance for him. It is a request ok.

I'm taking a break from the board. threatening cps is just over the line. They can come see for themselves. Nothing will warrant for cps. Stuff sounds bad here I agree. But it's not THAT FREAKING BAD. I've see way worse. As a child I sat thru watching my alcoholic step dad and his alcoholic girlfriend get into some pretty violent fights. Here.. it's nothing NEAR that.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

I've see way worse. As a child I sat thru watching my alcoholic step dad and his alcoholic girlfriend get into some pretty violent fights. Here.. it's nothing NEAR that.

Could explain why you put up with so much sweetheart but it still doesn't make it okay