Three steps forward, two steps back...

**moosmom** · 10-02-2006, 06:48 PM

I had my therapy session today. I walked out of there unable to breathe because I cried to much. Out of sheer desperation, I called my older (and only) millionaire brother to see if he could help me. I told him that Sue backed out. When I tried to explain why, he cut me short. "Bottom line, how much do you need??" I told him that if he could just pay my rent for a year's lease, I'd be well on my way. Otherwise my mailing address would be E36P48 (my license place #) "Donna, you should still be looking for a job!" I could hear the agitation in his voice, even though he stayed pretty calm. What the hell does he think I do everyday? Sit on the couch and eat bon-bons???

Then he told me I should think about getting a roommate. A roommate for what?? To live in my car???? That option is too far down the road. I have to find a place first and figure out how I'm gonna pay the rent before I can think about a roommate. I'm glad my therapist was there when I called. She said I handled it very well. I was NOT going to sob into the phone and it took everything I had to not cry. I told him I called around and found a couple of retail stores that need help so I'll have 2 part-time jobs to support myself. He cut me off again and said he has to talk it over with wifey-poo first and would call me tonight with the answer. I've got a knot in the pit of my stomach right now.

Subsidized housing has a 2 year waiting list.

I know all about the Social Security nightmare, having gone through it with my daughter. So I'm prepared to be rejected (I'm used to being rejected).

I got a phone call from an adult apartment complex. Minimum age is 55. So close (53 years and 8 months and the one time I WISH I was older) yet so far away.

In between and rock and a hard place yet again. I also called one complex on West Street in Hartford (not a great section, but not in the schkeevbag slums). Studio apt. $550/month including heat and hot water and they accept cats. Another one is in the suburbs (Plainville), $565/month not including utilities (electric heat and hot water). The guy I spoke to was wonderful, very upbeat. I told him my credit sucks but my background check is impeccable as I am a former Aux. State Trooper. He said cats are welcome as long as they are indoors. Works for me. I'd rather risk paying the utilities and know I'm in a safe neighborhood than having them paid for and worrying about whether my car will be there in the morning. I told him about asking my brother for help. He said that they have other options and not to worry.

*sigh* *looks up in sky, waiting for something else to hit her*

Catty1,

I don't have a sponsor. I just call my friends Davidp and Catnapper, and it passes. Besides, I have no money to drink. It's gotta go into my gas tank.

I'm sorry I'm ranting so bad. I don't mean to whine on like I have. I just wish my HP would lighten up a little and cut me some slack.

Thanks everyone for being there for me. Yes Kim, I did chuckle at the Crack Ho remark AND the bartering idea, although the thought HAD crossed my mind.

**momoffuzzyfaces** · 10-02-2006, 07:17 PM

I'm glad you won't be shocked by what you will be getting into with SS. I was!!! Odd thing about disability, you really need to apply at least a year before you really need it!!!

Prayers continuing!!!

**Catty1** · 10-02-2006, 07:41 PM

I'd rather risk paying the utilities and know I'm in a safe neighborhood than having them paid for and worrying about whether my car will be there in the morning. I told him about asking my brother for help. He said that they have other options and not to worry.

WELL - if this guy is upbeat and has other options, what are the options? Clean ones, I hope!

(just teasing).

Tell him you don't do windows!

I know you have a lot going on - but I wish you could find a meeting to go to once a week, even, just to feel grounded every so often!

HUGS

**moosmom** · 10-02-2006, 08:48 PM

Well, he called. "Here's the deal, Donna. We'll send you $400/month for 6 months. This way, you can contribute $150 out of your BB&B check towards the rest." I reminded him that I still had a $300/month car payment. I tried very calmly to explain that I also needed one months security and one months rent. "You didn't tell me that!!" Where did he think I was going to do, pull it out of my ass?????? I'm just so worn down, I told him I'd call him in the morning. He said "fine" and hung up on me. I was stunned. Back to square one. Then I got to thinking...so I called him back. I asked him if he could possibly pay off my car note ($2,000) along with the $400/month. He said he had to think about it (in other words ask wifey-poo) and not to go off the deep end tonight(what the hell is THAT supposed to mean???) and to call him in the morning. If he can do that, I should be okay.

I also called my roommate and told him what was going on. He said he hadn't given his notice yet to his landlord and was on a month-to-month basis with them. I explained what happened over the past couple of weeks (he's been gone). I didn't want to tell him, but felt I should under the circumstances. He mentioned to me that he and his partner had a condo for rent. He's going to look into that for me. He told me not to panic, that I stil had two whole months. I told him that wasn't alot of time when you have nowhere to go. He'll be home tomorrow night.

I'm physically and emotionally exhausted right now so I'm taking my meds and hitting the hay.

Now I'm beginning to understand why my father couldn't stand my brother. He can be SUCH a jerk at times. I feel like my life has become a soap opera lately.

**Catty1** · 10-02-2006, 09:01 PM

You can choose your friends...your relatives are wished on you!

But you chose us on PT and we chose you - SO THERE!

I think it's good that you told your roommate - tell everyone who might help. People generally LIKE to help!

HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS

**moosmom** · 10-03-2006, 09:05 AM

Catty1,

"Good friends are God's way of apologizing for bad relatives." I'm so very greatful for having such wonderful friends here on PT. I feel bad for all the ranting and raving I've done on this thread.

I was a little ashamed to tell my roommate because I'M supposed to be the one HE looks up to, having been his instructor in the Aux. State Police so many years ago. I don't want him to feel obligated to me. This is my problem.