Opinions...please help...

[Karen]

At this point, six weeks in, I'd have a major sit-down conversation with her. Prepare a list of "Household Rules" like a contract she needs to agree to and sign if she is going to continue living there. Include things like:

1. You must do your own laundry
2. If you use a room, like the kitchen, you need leave it in the same condition you found it
3. "Magic eraser" is not to be used on the following surfaces (list)
4. Meals are your own responsibility. (Or make some rule up about - you don't mind cooking if she does all the clean-up, or some other deal) she can pay, even.

You get the idea. Print out your proposed rules, and if she won't agree to them, discuss and negotaite a new set. If she won't do that, she needs to find her own place to live.

[jazzcat]

I think Karen is right on and also be prepared to "add" to the rules as certain situations arise.

[caseysmom]

Thanks everyone for the advice. Not sure how I could tell her to leave, she has nowhere to go so I guess I need to bite the bullet and lay down the law. I just have my hands full trying to get my teens to do things and I bet she thinks well if they don't neither will I ....HELLO your not my kid and your 22. My kids have been careful to help and say thank you in front of her but she still doesn't get it.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I also agree with Karen. If she has it clearly written down what is expected of her, she can't prented to be igorant about it. If she continuously refuses to do what you reasonably ask, I wouldn't feel inclined to keep her there. She is 22 and is definately old enough to be taking care of herself.

I'm only 23, but last year I was graduated from college and taking care of myself, as I did all through college. Obviously, everyone is different but someone did her a terrible disservice by allowing her to be so immature.

[BC_MoM]

She's 22. Kick her out? If people are helping her out, I'm sure she can live in an apartment or something.

You sound like how I would be.. don't let her push you around and use you as her maid!!

Tell her if she doesn't start pulling her load, she's out.

[caseysmom]

I can't really just kick her out, she has some problems. Her brother is severly autistic so I think she may have it mildly or something. At this point I just can't kick her out its not in me.

[Dorothy39]

caseysmom, You certainly have your hands full right now.

I'm so sorry that you have been "appointed" Sergeant!!!


I have drawn up contracts with my own children, and, they helped my children realize that self assertiveness can nurture positive growth!!!


Take it one day at a time.

[caseysmom]

If my brother wasn't dead I would kill him! How's that for keeping my sense of humor

[lizbud]

Well, after reading the PM you sent me, perhaps you should include a
caveat with your next thread. Something like "Opinions please help" except
anyone with an honest opinion that is not at all in line with what I already
plan to do or not do. I want to vent only, not really looking for opinions.

[catnapper]

If my brother wasn't dead I would kill him! How's that for keeping my sense of humor

LOL... my husband has health issues which he prefers to ignore and I tell him that I'll kill him if he dies on me!

I really do understand where you are coming from. My cousin Denise sounds just like your neice. You want to protect her at the same time you want to kick her in the rear! Vent all you want sweetie!

[Husky15]

Well, she definitely should be helping around the house. It's only right. But if her father just died she could be going through depression or just very not happy at this time. But it wouldn't hurt to help you around the house.

[caseysmom]

I don't think she was very close with her dad, all the remarks about him have been negative. I don't think its that, she has always been like this. I haven't seen her cry once for him.

My brother was a really sweet guy but for whatever reason they were not close, he may have gotten frustrasted, I know it was overwhelming for them all those years to have his son severely autistic.

[Catty1]

how about

start with a doctor's appt? For you at least, if not her.

That "protective custody" might have been your best option.

A set of rules, with the "PC" as a last backup option, might be a good try.

If nothing else, YOU get family counselling for yourself. You'll at least get info on all kinds of help. She could benefit from a life skills course.

Some things here you CAN do, and others need a professional edge.

A word on disabilities: My sister had ms for about 20 years, and died of it in April. One of the best things I learned was this:

"Having a disability doesn't make someone a saint."

If you are walking on eggshells, you don't have to do that any more.

I liked Catnapper's suggestion - actions (like the laundry dumping) show her what she CAN'T do.

Just make sure that whatever consequences you say- that you carry through with it, so she learns to respect what you say - that you'll do what you say you will.

I'll shut up now - good luck!