Opinions...please help...

[jazzcat]

Okay, from your first post I didn't think she could do much of anything for herself and when you posted now that she has a job, a car and can drive I was like . Does she truly have a mental disability or was she just brought up to have someone cater to her every need and never made to do anything. I would think that someone who is bright enough to get a driver's license could wash dishes and laundry. I would think it would just be a matter of showing her how it is to be done since she is obviously bright enough and then laying down the law to make her do it. Also I would not buy things for her anymore, have her do that herself.

You need to help her learn how to function on her own but not at the expense of your family and your health. There needs to be rules and boundaries for her. Maybe I'm off base never having dealt with this but I'm still just floored at the things she is able to do and the things it sounds like she just plain won't. Probably a very good thing I'm not dealing with this, I don't think I could handle it.

(((HUGS)))

[caseysmom]

Jazzcat, that is the wierd thing and my best friend is and me can't get a grip on it either.

She is very bright book wise, just passed her pharmacy tech exam, she didn't tell me I saw the cert in her room. She interns and hopefully they will hire her..she drives her dads car and I have asked her 10 times to go get the oil changed and that stumps her. It is wierd. I know my brother didn't do that much for her after his wife died, they were both lazy and the house just didn't get cleaned, they were going to condemn the house.

[Karen]

At this point, six weeks in, I'd have a major sit-down conversation with her. Prepare a list of "Household Rules" like a contract she needs to agree to and sign if she is going to continue living there. Include things like:

1. You must do your own laundry
2. If you use a room, like the kitchen, you need leave it in the same condition you found it
3. "Magic eraser" is not to be used on the following surfaces (list)
4. Meals are your own responsibility. (Or make some rule up about - you don't mind cooking if she does all the clean-up, or some other deal) she can pay, even.

You get the idea. Print out your proposed rules, and if she won't agree to them, discuss and negotaite a new set. If she won't do that, she needs to find her own place to live.

[jazzcat]

I think Karen is right on and also be prepared to "add" to the rules as certain situations arise.

[caseysmom]

Thanks everyone for the advice. Not sure how I could tell her to leave, she has nowhere to go so I guess I need to bite the bullet and lay down the law. I just have my hands full trying to get my teens to do things and I bet she thinks well if they don't neither will I ....HELLO your not my kid and your 22. My kids have been careful to help and say thank you in front of her but she still doesn't get it.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I also agree with Karen. If she has it clearly written down what is expected of her, she can't prented to be igorant about it. If she continuously refuses to do what you reasonably ask, I wouldn't feel inclined to keep her there. She is 22 and is definately old enough to be taking care of herself.

I'm only 23, but last year I was graduated from college and taking care of myself, as I did all through college. Obviously, everyone is different but someone did her a terrible disservice by allowing her to be so immature.

[BC_MoM]

She's 22. Kick her out? If people are helping her out, I'm sure she can live in an apartment or something.

You sound like how I would be.. don't let her push you around and use you as her maid!!

Tell her if she doesn't start pulling her load, she's out.

[caseysmom]

I can't really just kick her out, she has some problems. Her brother is severly autistic so I think she may have it mildly or something. At this point I just can't kick her out its not in me.

[Dorothy39]

caseysmom, You certainly have your hands full right now.

I'm so sorry that you have been "appointed" Sergeant!!!


I have drawn up contracts with my own children, and, they helped my children realize that self assertiveness can nurture positive growth!!!


Take it one day at a time.

[caseysmom]

If my brother wasn't dead I would kill him! How's that for keeping my sense of humor

[Husky15]

Well, she definitely should be helping around the house. It's only right. But if her father just died she could be going through depression or just very not happy at this time. But it wouldn't hurt to help you around the house.

[caseysmom]

I don't think she was very close with her dad, all the remarks about him have been negative. I don't think its that, she has always been like this. I haven't seen her cry once for him.

My brother was a really sweet guy but for whatever reason they were not close, he may have gotten frustrasted, I know it was overwhelming for them all those years to have his son severely autistic.