What it's like living with a Lab

10 minutes in the life of a Lab

I hear it! I hear the car! HER car! And she's coming this way! Oh, oh, I must run in and grab a gift! I must greet her with a gift! Oh, 'BONK', missed the step. No matter, I must hurry. Move over, doggy door! She's coming, she's coming! Gift, gift, where, what, oh, oh, oh, ah! A plastic bottle she drinks from, right here on top of the container they call trash! Oh, perfect. She's coming, she's coming! Oh, oh, oh … The door! I hear the door sound that sounds right before she comes in! Oh, it's OPENING! SHE'S HOME!

Oh, oh, 'wiggle, wiggle, wiggle', I cannot be still! You're home! And look, look, I have this nice bottle! Oh, oh, you're home! YOU'RE HOME! I have missed you so much, you've been gone hours, weeks, days, years! And so much has happened! A dog ran by and I chewed a tree and Pluto slept under the house and it rained a little! Oh, oh, oh! You're home, you're home! And you're touching me! I can't stand it, it's so marvelous! Oh, and you're speaking! "murble, murble, good boy, murble, murble." YES! Your happy voice. Oh, I'm about to burst! I'm so happy, happy, happy! Yes! I want to jump! I'm not supposed to jump, but oh, oh, just a little jump! Oh, I cannot be still. I'll roll over and wiggle on my back! Oh, yes! She's rubbing me-my tummy, my head, my sides! Oh, oh, oh. Now what? Now where's she going? Oh, oh, yes! Back to the room where we sleep at night! Great! It has the big pad we sleep on and 'L-E-A-P', I can get up here close to her. And here she comes! Oh, oh, oh! I can stand on my legs and put my paws around her neck and , uh-oh. Can't lick with this bottle in my mouth. But it's my present to her! Oh, oh, what to do? And she's rubbing me! But I want to lick her, oh, oh, I think I'm about to burst!

"Off."

Oh, darn. Drop the bottle. Oh, YES! She's coming back! She took off the pieces she puts on her eyes, and I can stand and 'lick, lick', I love you, I love you, I love you, I love 'lick, lick, lick', you taste so good, salty, sweet, I love that stuff you smear on your face every day, I love to lick it off, oh, oh, and you're rubbing me again! My back, my head, my ears, oh, oh, 'lick, lick, lick'. "Marble, Marble, Mac, good boy, murble, murble."

"Off."

Darn. I will lay here and watch her. Watch her peel her fur … it's not very warm fur, I don't think. How does she do that? And I will get that look on my face that always makes her come and rub me. The look where I roll my eyes up, and keep my head flat here and she will come … and she's putting on her play skin! YES! We will play, sometime. My tail cannot be still. I am SO happy, happy, happy. Now she's going in the room with the wonderful water bowl! I LOVE that water bowl, always cool, clean water! She'll be out in just a minute, just a minute, just a … yes, she's coming! She's here again. Oh, oh, oh …

Now back to the room with the box that has pictures and sounds. Ah, I know what happens now. Yep, she's laying down on the big pad there. Now she'll sleep. But that's okay. She's HOME! SHE'S home. She's home. And she smells tired. So I will lay beside her here and guard her and wait while she sleeps. And when she wakes up she won't smell so tired. And we'll play and play. S-i-g-h. I'll just rest with her now, and smell her while she sleeps. And wait again. For the next thing that happens, HE'LL be home. And then, oh, oh, oh . . . . . . .

By an unknown, but typical, Labrador Retriever

You might be a Lab owner if ...

You have rust rings on your kitchen counters from putting the trashcans up there.
You regularly clean out 50 tennis balls from under the couch.
All of your trashcans are bungy-corded.
Your gate is bungy-corded to prevent your labby from popping the latch again.
You have a BIG supply of bungy cords for all lab occasions.
Every piece of clothing you own, the sofa, the bed, and anything soft has lab fur all over it.
You have a plastic kiddy wading pool in your backyard.
You regularly find big paw prints on your kitchen counters.
Every squeaky and fleece toy are missing their squeakers and stuffing.
You have broken or mangled at least one finger (or torn a rotator cuff) on a leash walk when your labby spotted "prey" he wanted to chase.
You have to buy a bigger bed to accommodate the new lab.
You have to buy an extra pillow to accommodate the new lab.
You buy an SUV to take your lab and his labby friends for frequent trips to the lake/river/ocean.
Your backyard looks similar to an archaelogical dig, complete with the dinosaur bones.
Your floor is covered with dog drool and/or pools of water from sloppy drinking labs.
You buy pizza so you can give the crusts to your lab.
You wait til the last minute to get dressed for work to avoid your lab's muddy paw prints, drool and fur (or you put on an old overcoat to stay clean as you say good-bye).
You have every land and water retrieval toy known to man (and lab).
Your yard is full of brightly colored Frisbee pieces.
You buy underwear more often than the average person to replace what your labby has eaten.
Your children NEVER have dirty mouths and faces.
Your lips are constantly chapped from labby kisses.
You can never find a full set of shoes, because your labby has moved them all over the house.
You have doggie beds covering the floor instead of area rugs.
Your end tables are really crates covered with couch throws.
You have to keep an extra keyboard for your computer around because labby drool clogs the keys.
You clean out your fish pond for the season, and the first thing you dredge up is a black kong dropped there during last year's lab party!!!
You never have to mop your kitchen floor because your labbies clean up every spill and crumb before you can get to it.
Every time you take a shower, your labby joins you!
You can never throw anything away, because your labby RETRIEVES it.
Your car is covered with sheets, lab fur, lab drool, and there is often a distinct aroma of "wet labby" that those car air fresheners can't disguise!
Your alarm clock is a firm nudge by a wet labby nose (who wants to eat first and go out later!)
Your mailbox is overflowing with dog catalogs and the UPS man knows your house from bringing all the boxes of dog goodies ordered from the catalogs!
You regularly find your labby's "hidden treasures" buried under the sofa cushions, bed pillows, the couch, and behind the TV!
You have a child proof lock on your fridge because not only can your Lab open it, but takes the best leftovers for himself!
You have permanent bruises on your legs at exactly the height of your lab's tail!
Your husband and you sit on the floor to watch TV because one Lab is sprawled out full length on the couch, and one Lab is sitting in the recliner!
You are the only people who stand outside in -35 degree weather to throw a dummy for a dummy obsessed Lab with snow up to your butt!
You are the only person who has dummies in their dish drainer with clean dishes!
Your furniture is the latest fashion statement in sheets and dog hair!
You don't even think about throwing away that favorite toy that they have destroyed while they are looking unless you are prepared for the "staredown"!
You put all of your shoes, remote controls, hats, gloves and anything else small in closets or on shelves to hide them from "Jaws!"
You specifically buy baby carrots at the store for your new favorite snack and his too!
It is a cold January day, and you have the sunroof to your car open so your Lab can stick his head out through the roof to catch the air!
You give him his bag of new toys in the car on the way home from the pet store, and all he wants is the crumbs from the biscuits given to him by the cashier!"
At least one load of laundry a week is your lab's: his blankets, pillow cases, towels, and of course, all those muddy, drooled on fleece toys he loves so much!
Your Christmas tree had an "ornament-free wag zone."
You regularly clean his tennis balls in your dish washer.



Labs are great! Living with a lab is one of the most fantastic things in the world.

My Toby is a Lab/Collie mix. He is the most wonderful, gentle and loving dog you could ever wish for. Full of character and such fun to be around.

Do be prepared for the "eat absolutely anything" bit though. Today he grabbed a big fat green catapiller and ran away to eat it.