Queen of Poop, I am sorry that you are hurting. And I can understand what you are going through, as I have been through something very similiar. When I was married (I have been divorced now for about 5 years), he was always walking out, and then he would come back... no explanation. When I would try to talk about it, he would walk away, saying that I should just be happy that he came back. He was always threatening me with divorce. This was through 8 years of marriage. And I always let him come back, believing that it was me that was the reason he would leave.

Well, one day I had had enough... and I left! After months of therapy, I realized that he was so controlling that he had made me believe that I was the problem, when all along, it was him! I also realized that the "Welcome, walk all over me" mat had been removed from my forehead! And while I hurt for months and months, I realize now that I am a better person without him. I am happier and have learned about what real relationships are. Do I miss him? Sometimes. But I think that it mostly is missing having someone in my life.... not the crap I put myself through for 8 years! I now realize that I was in love with the idea of being in love and being married.... and not that I was in love with him. Hard pill to swallow.... but I am glad to be the person that I am now! After a few months, I was visiting my parents, and they said, "Welcome back." I was confused, but they explained that I was a different person when I was with him... sad and obviously depressed. They were glad to have their "Donna" back... the one who loves life and lives it to the fullest!

So what am I saying?? It will take time, but you will get over this breakup. Be strong. Get therapy if you need it. There is nothing to be embarrassed about in needing some professional (and unbiased) help! Gain the strength you need to not allow him to come back. Be grateful for the good times that you had, but know that you both must move on. Life is too short to be miserable and unhappy.

PM me if you would like. I DO understand. It is hard, but you can do it! (((hugs))) Donna