Why couldn't I just...

[Queen of Poop]

The terms were dictated to me by my husband. I have agreed to them on the principle that we as a family need counselling. I have been pushing this for years to no avail. I myself have been seeing a counsellor but without the rest of the family doing the same I felt my efforts were futile. If this were a new situation it would be easy to figure it out. But I've been around since the kids were 6 and 8 (currently 13 and 15). So why there are issues now I can only put it to them being teenagers. I have done all I can for these kids every time. Example: to encourage better grades in my step-son I agreed to pay him $100 if he made the honor roll. But that he'd have to pay me the same if he didn't make it. Out of 3 terms he only made it once, so he paid me. Their mom is still very much in the picture, we sit together at kid hockey games, dance recitals, family dinners, etc. She does need to stop begging the kids, especially the daughter, not to leave her to come for her time with us, that is not helping.

I thank everyone so much for their input. It is really great to hear the different sides, the step parents and the step kids. Life is never easy, but it helps to have good friends to give you constructive feedback.

[caseysmom]

I wish you good luck with this situation. None of us can say what is right for you. Follow your heart, just remember even when they are your biological children the teen years can be rough. Just remember this will pass, if you love your husband it will be worth going through all this.

[Daisy and Delilah]

Sorry for my two cents but I also agree with Dan and Jess. Why are you being dictated to as if you are the one with all the problems and everyone else is immune to that? You seem to have accepted that you're the only one at fault also. Don't be so hard on yourself-it does seem as if every body involved needs to come to the negotiating table and explain their part in this. You can't be all to blame. (((((HUGS)))))

[Catty1]

Hi, QOP - I am away next week...but just out here in Cochrane.

You said you have got counselling for yourself, and I'm glad to hear that. I hope your hubby agrees to do the family counselling and hold up his end of the bargain.

I am sure you have checked - is there a stepfamily support group of some kind in Calgary? In addition to professional help, sometimes it is great to meet other people in the same boat. Just like some of the folks here, only you can do it in person!

GOOD LUCK!

hugs
Catty1