Wow, I hd no idea this fight led to such drastic measures... I honestly thought you were being emotional from the fight and FELT like your marriage was ending, not that it turly WAS. ((hugs))

As for appologising: You can, and it might help, but seriously, I hope your SD is appologising for her part in it too. I highly doubt she will applogise though! Hubby needs to step in and do all the talking. and create a united front (much easier said than done, especially since half the time my hubby and I aren't on a united front!)

I remember some of my big fights with Ashley. I remember clearly her folding her arms and staring at the floor when we'd have a "family meeting". I told her that no matter what she does/did, that I'd still be here. I'm not going anywhere, so her actions will NOT push me away, no matter WHAT she'd do, I was there. I married her dad, but I also married her and her siblings. I am there beause I love all of them. A whole package. If she felt unloved, then what was it I needed to change to make her feel loved? What could I do to help her see I cared? I never did get and answer from her on those questions. In the end, what worked for Ashley was getting pregnant at 18... wow was that a wakeup call! She finally saw that I was serious all along and that I'd support her regardless what happens.

Gosh, I wish hubby would have agreed to counseling way back in the beginning. We needed it. but he felt counseling was a "joke" when everyone needed to "stop acting like idiots" He did nothing to help the situation between Ashley and me. He basically let us go at each other and said "talking to her will help" How do you talk to a brick wall? It was so bad around here that for the past year, we basically lived in the same house and had nothing to do with the other. No goodmorning or goodnight. She lived here and occupied space while I tried to tip toe around her. I can't tell you how amazing its been since she got pregnant... I always figured she'd realize I loved her once she had kids of her own. I never imagined she'd be a teen mom!

~~~~~

I see things I did when we were newly married and I know I'd do them VERY differently today. I came in and tried to make things MY way. How awful of me! They'd been used to their routine forver and I came in and turned things inside out! I am so sorry I did that. Why did I do it? Basically, I have no diea! I guess I felt it was my house and I had to carve my space in it? Make THEIRS into OURS? I don't know. I do know I regret some of the things I did to make changes to proove I was here. This is probably where Ashley's annimosity started. She was used to her role in the family and I came along and stripped her of her identity within the home. I didn't even explain why I was doing it or gave her the option to defend her role.. I just stripped her of it without realizing what I was doing. I can see where that would hurt a 13 year old (heck, it would hurt me as a 33 year old!)

I feel your pain. I was there and its still raw at times. I have a MUCH better relationship with Ashley now that she has the baby, but I still have a rocky one with my stepson. We'll get there some day, when something happens that makes him realize I care just like Ashley did. then I have the third stepkid who has always been my buddy. Go figure

I hope this novel helped you a little ((Hgus))