Why couldn't I just...

**Rachel** · 07-04-2006, 03:32 PM

Originally Posted by kuhio98

Gayle ~ You don't owe us any apology or explanation. If you feel you were out of line, please tell your step daughter. I'm sure she'd love to hear an apology (if you think you owe her one). It will be a good lesson for her to realize that adults make mistakes and take responsibility for them.

Give her and yourself a big hug. It will all be alright.

That speaks to how I feel and puts it better than I could have. You are not a horrible human because if you were, you wouldn't have this regret. You are just human! Good luck on making amends.

**Queen of Poop** · 07-05-2006, 09:07 PM

So now apparently she's had a problem with me for several months. Well sweetheart. From Feb 27 till May 9 I was fighting for my life with the lump in my left breast. I lost 1/3 of my breast, I'm a small girl, fortunately it wasn't cancer - yet. Sorry, Alex, if you weren't the centre of attention. Following that I've been nothing but happier than a pig in sh*&. Looking so forward to the holiday that she ruined by bawling for her mother. I totally blame her and her Aunt Dana for poisioning her against me. So my marriage will end on the comments of a 13 year old girl influenced by her 37 year old aunt.

Soon to be a 2 time loser.

Thanks for letting me vent. Now if I could only stop crying.

**Laura's Babies** · 07-05-2006, 09:32 PM

She is 13? That is a little to big to be clinging to her Mommie like that! Sounds like she is a drama queen and if that is the case, you are better off without her and if Dad falls for that drama, you don't need him either. Your life should not be ruled by a 13 year old child!

You are not a looser and quit calling yourself that! Your life does not end because a marriage ends. This chapter of your life is ending but there will be a new chapter for you...

Life is to short to be miserable... Hold your head high, be proud, you do have worth...... so what if a 13 year old child don't know that? (YOU are just as important as she is!!!!)

**catnapper** · 07-05-2006, 09:34 PM

As a step mom myself, I know only too well the strain a teenage girl can put on a marriage. My step daughter was going to be the death of me. I swear some days it took all my power to not kill her. She hated me and all I stood for (essentially taking all attention from her) She pit me against hubby a million times.... and some times she won, others I won. At some point, I promise she WILL wake up and realize your purpose in life is not to make her life miserable.

You can PM me if you want. I know what its like to be a step mom to a 13 year old girl. It was the single hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. You feel like a total failure. No matter what you say is taken out of context. No matter what you do isn't good enough. You feel worthless and like a second class citizen in your own home. Dad is compelled to stand up for her... even if he knows you're right and she's wrong. There's the unspoken fact hanging in the back of everyone's mind that she is NOT your child.... in her mind, in hubby's mind, in you're own mind.

All I can say is thank goodness her mom was not in the picture. I can only imagine how much worse it would be! But I DID have SILs who poisoned her from me. God I hated when she went to visit her aunts. She came home with a royal attitude. When she was 13, they told her its ok to wear thongs, if it made her happy! um... don't you think her parents should decide that one? Ugh. Sorry for my own side vent... essentially, I'm trying to tell you I know EXACTLY how you are feeling right now.

(((HUGS)))

**Sevaede** · 07-05-2006, 11:50 PM

Laura and Catnapper said everything that I wanted to say. Even though I have not been in your position, I am *VERY* close with someone who is and I've observed and experienced from it.

You are not a bad person, a loser, or ANYTHING like that. We all have an end to our wits and buttons that can be pushed.

**HUGS**

**Queen of Poop** · 07-06-2006, 06:41 PM

I want to say thank you to you wonderful people who replied to my dilemma. I've spent the last several days thinking I'm going out of my mind. I don't know what to do. At least today the time between the crying fits is a little longer. I feel that I am in mourning and I guess I am. Anyways thank you for the support. I've come back many times and read your responses when I've been down and they've served to pick up my self esteem. You are awesome people.

**Pawsitive Thinking** · 07-07-2006, 09:01 AM

I feel for you - I really do.

My step daughter was 8 when I took her on 20 years ago and will cheerfully admit that she did everything she could to make my life a misery and drive me and her Dad apart. Now I think we can say we're friends but it has taken a long time to get there.

You are not a bad person for feeling how you do especially with all you have been coping with. Step children are a nightmare (God knows your own are bad enough but at least you can love them unconditionally.......). Good luck sweetie, you will get through this

**Karen** · 07-07-2006, 09:21 AM

Thirteen is often a miserable age to be a human being, period. You don't know what's up or down, your body is changing, everything is changing, and typically, you are easily influenced by peers and others around you, while you're trying to figure out your place in the world.

You are not crazy, you are not wrong, this need not be the death of the marriage. She will not be 13 forever. That, I promise. Can you take her to lunch, away from everyone, and clear the air calmly, say, "I know other people have told you things about me, but I'd like to start this relationship over, just between you and I. I know I'm not your mother, I never aimed to replace her. I am married to your father, and trying my best to be a part of this family. Do you have any questions you want to ask me?" And if she refuses, well, you've made your best effort.