Three weeks after Pauline's passing, I want to thank the responders at Cat of the Day so much for their wonderful support. This has been the saddest time of my life--Pauline was amazing, she brought happiness and love into my home, her sweet and gentle heart was more than anything what bound my house of cats into a family. The other cats, and I love all of them dearly, followed her example. She gleamed with affection. I haven't said yet what a beauty she was. I liked to call her a pine cone with snow on it, she was a short-haired mix and had a white underside with many shades of brown on top. Sometimes when she slept on my lap I tried to count all the shades but would give up. Even though I had her for seven years from her kittenhood, I was discovering more colors on her. I have hundreds of pictures but we don't own a digital camera, so unfortunately I'm not able to post a picture here.

I'm not "over this" by a longshot. I'm not crying any more, except the day I brought back her ashes last week, but the emptiness I feel is like the elephant that won't leave the room. I am getting by and trying to let nature take my feelings on its course so I can heal.

Each of you who has posted has given me something special. Catmandu, here is my opportunity to say that I look forward to reading your sweet and witty observations every time I read the morning's messages for the new Cat of the Day, and your thoughts on Pauline are appreciated. kb2yjx, I believe we corresponded once before about another cat (Ringo's doing fine!) and I know what a caring person you are. Catlover4ever, thank you for your wisdom, I've repeated it to myself often to help me ease the pain. Cataholic, what a lovely way to describe Pauline a gem, with that one word I felt you understood the essential things about her. Maya & Inka's mommy, thank you for your compassion and the pictures of your kitties. Scott, everything you had to say dovetailed with my experience and is helping me enormously. I never met Scootie but I share your feeling of loss. I do believe Pauline is protected, and forgive me for saying so, but I like to think that those two girls are playing with each other while waiting for their Dads to someday, far away, reunite with them. It is comforting for me to think Pauline has a friend and is not alone "up there."

Pauline, your Dad misses you dearly and is enormously heartbroken. He is looking after your best friend Brownie, her brother Tabbs and the love of that boy's life, your sister Stripey; your cousin Ringo; and that "other" white cat in the house whom you went to the trouble to make friends with, Isis. You gave me so much warmth and love, sweetie, you were all about happiness. What a gift to have received you. I know you are whole now and I will have to have faith that you don't want me to grieve too much. I can't say goodbye yet, but I can say you graced my life, and I know we were meant to come into each other's life, honey. I know you are safe even though I don't understand how that can be, and I must accept I know something even if I don't understand it.