Asking for help then doing nothing.

[Randi]

Sasvermont, you express yourself so well, or perhaps it's just because I often agree with you.

Well, I suppose most of us have posted threads which were a nuisance to others, but some do it quite often! They have this urge to create drama and exposing their lives to all of PT. Every petty little detail! Are you aware how many can read what you say? The whole wide world!

Yes, many of us feel like we're part of a family, and that's really nice, but still, I think some things should be kept private.

The worst is if someone asks for advice/help, and then 20 people give advice, but the person can't be bothered to do anything about the situation.

I am guilty of reading some of these threads myself, but after a while, you know which to open and which not.

[Cataholic]

SAS and Randi,
Well, as usually the case, I agree with the two of you.

I am certainly not without my own basket of issues. Shoot, sometimes it seems like a wheelbarrow full! (Not really, LOL.)

I think what the OP was referring to was the "My world is falling in, I might die, I can't handle it"....and all of our thoughtful and helpful replies, and their "Nope", "Won't work cause...", or just plain avoidance of any sort of help.

Lots of people in this world are so full of this victim mentality, and refusal to take any sort of responsibility for the mess they are in.

If I ask for help, I take the advice. But, I am a doer, not much of a complainer, and subscribe to the theory of 'swim, or get out of the water'.

[catland]

Its not all wasted - there have been a few times when I've had an issue in my non-cyber life where I wanted advice and opinions and I found very helpful and eloquent ones here on PT.

We'll always have a certain number of drama queens, but they are worth the annoyance for the genuinely sincere advice that some of you share when its really needed.

[caseysmom]

The problem with starting a thread like this...which I did is that everyone starts thinking its something they did.

I was just particularly frustrated one day because there was an animal in need and someone would not even make a phone call, it was just distressing hearing about it if not one thing would be done. Sorry if I offended anyone or made any of you think it was about you.

[sasvermont]

Something like.....my dog/cat was just hit by a car (yesterday), what should I do? type question......?

[Miss Z]

I just want to say a piece, maybe it's wrong, maybe it's right, but here it is:

I know there have been quite a few of these posts, and I know some people find them annoying. But I will say it, I did post a thread asking for help, when Zsa-Zsa fell down the stairs. I was alone in the house and really needed some advice, so I posted a thread. I found it extremely beneficial to hear some comforting and kind words and good advice. Glad mine didn't turn out to get a little heated.

Referring to the thread which I think is in question, from my POV, I know that no matter how right something may be, no matter how much we want to do it, sometimes it is not possible. And I will say it. It's often parents. Of course, you cannot blame everything you do on parents, but in the particular thread, I understood perfectly, as I have done in other threads. Last December, I posted a thread asking for help about Foxy getting thin. I said in my post it was not possible for me to take her to the vet as my parents would not take her, and yet that was pretty much all the advice I got. Now that was probably the right thing to do, perhaps, even though it pains me to say it, it would have saved her life. But I could not physically walk to the vets with a hamster cage along dual carriageways and through farmland to take her to the vet, plus they would not have accepted me as the owner. Sometimes, things are just not possible. It is right to help poor people in underdeveloped countries, is it possible for us all to give up our jobs and dedicate ourselves to building communities and saving lives?

I think when people post these threads, they know what is the best thing to do, but have posted because that option is not immediately possible and are looking for other ideas. When the obvious is not immediately taken, questions are raised. And an arguement starts.

I also live by the fact 'swim or get out of the water', but sometimes you've got to be more confident in people to get them to swim.

Just IMO, not to start anything, just there's always two sides to a debate.

[sandragonfly]

caseysmom, I know this wasn't made because of my threads but seems that have bothered some of you. oh well, everyone sees it and not everyone can stand/handle seeing blood.

but anyway, while nothing is personal to me anymore, I don't know if I should apologize for my "dramatic" threads - those are way different than from threads whose did not asked for help and then being bombarded with advices, especially advices they weren't hoperfully looking for. not most people think that before they read numerous of advices/ideas in a thread and that drives me ticky also.

a little off topic probably, but thought some of you had to realize that too for others.

[Cataholic]

Miss Z- if I might debate with you....I do understand the concept of parents, having them myself. And, I do understand the limitations of youth, having been there before. What I struggle with is being 14, 15 or even older, and the claim, "They won't let me" or "I am only 14". Why? Because I remember all too well being that age, and knowing dern well I could get alot of what I wanted with whining, pleading, arguing, or flat out just doing it without permission. So, now, when it comes to something serious, like an animal in distress (and, I think CM was referring to this particular post), and I hear this "They won't let me...", I think, "oh, okay! All of a sudden you have become this subserviant, obedient, never do anything without asking child".

I would wager that many of these children using this argument, "They won't let me", routinely-daily-weekly- go against their parents wishes, or don't even ASK their parents- when it fancys them. I find the excuse a total cop-out. And, IMO, it is completly opposite to the claim of "I love animals".

And, of course, I question ANY adult that "refuses" their child's request to assist an animal in need. That adult should be the one leading the assistance.

[Rachel]

but anyway, while nothing is personal to me anymore, I don't know if I should apologize for my "dramatic" threads - those are way different than from threads whose did not asked for help and then being bombarded with advices, especially advices they weren't hoperfully looking for. not most people think that before they read numerous of advices/ideas in a thread and that drives me ticky also.

a little off topic probably, but thought some of you had to realize that too for others.

Well, this is probably the other side of the same coin. Yet, I'm curious as to why someone would even post, if they didn't want advice, input, or comments. If I make a suggestion, it is not because I feel I know the answer, but simply care enough to take the time to share what has been the benefit of my experience in what seems like a similar situation. If ten different suggestions are given and one is helpful, then the whole of the respondents' efforts are worthwhile.

Sometimes even if advice doesn't seem to be acted on, it can give the recipient the benefit of another perspective, which may never have been considered. That can be stored away and given other experiences may be part of what is utilized in thinking something out on another occasion.

I try to give thought to my posts and how I state them, and my last intention is to ever hurt anyone's feelings but I simply do not have time to waste. There was a column in today's paper that had a statement which I feel is quite applicable: *People who are telling themselves what they want to hear are uniquely unreceptive to hearing anything else.*

If people posting here do not want input or advice, maybe they should clearly state that in their thread.