What do you call your in-laws?

[Logan]

PCB, I wanted to tell you this when we were "talking", earlier, but my silly internet cut me off.

I always called my first husband's parents "Mr. and Mrs. .........". I think this mostly because I met him in elemetary school and started dating in High School......could never have called them by their first names then!! LOL!! Scott's mom is called "Ann", her first name. Scott calls my parents by their first names, too. But.....you need to do the most comfortable thing for you, to start with, and as you get to know them better, then use the name that they want you to use and the best way to find that out is to ask them, yourself!!!!!

[Edwina's Secretary]

Cataholic....this is a question for you. I do NOT like being called by my first name by children (nor doctors who in turn expect to be called Dr. X...) I cringe when my friends' children call me "Sara" but that is how they choose to raise them.

What will you do if a child is being raised to always call adults Mr/Mrs/Ms? Will you insist they call you Johanna anyway? Will Jonah call you Johanna? Will he call his teachers by their first names?

I can clearly remember the first time I was asked to call an adult by her first name. It was a work situation and she became my first mentor. I felt so privileged and grown up! It was one of those rites of passage.

So I am curious Ms. Johanna.....

[Cataholic]

Cataholic....this is a question for you. I do NOT like being called by my first name by children (nor doctors who in turn expect to be called Dr. X...) I cringe when my friends' children call me "Sara" but that is how they choose to raise them.

What will you do if a child is being raised to always call adults Mr/Mrs/Ms? Will you insist they call you Johanna anyway? Will Jonah call you Johanna? Will he call his teachers by their first names?

I can clearly remember the first time I was asked to call an adult by her first name. It was a work situation and she became my first mentor. I felt so privileged and grown up! It was one of those rites of passage.

So I am curious Ms. Johanna.....

Permission granted! (Though I don't have the authority, since it is PCB thread, but, I have it on good authority she adores the both of us, so, she prolly won't mind ).

Therein lies the rub- you and I feel differently about how to be addressed. So, you should do what makes YOU most comfortable (as I am sure you do). Jonah will call me mommy, or some variation thereof....because we share an intimate relationship, and, for most of us, calling someone 'mom' is indicative of a closer bond than calling one by their first name. He will call his teachers by whatever their preference is, though, I imagine it would be by their last name. Again, that is not the same type of close knit family/friends relationship (unless you are in the Catholic church- JOKE!!!). His friends, if they are/were raised to address an adult by Mr/Mrs, well, then, they will call me what their parents see fit, as I only control my world, not theirs. However, I will indicate my preference, and they can make that decision.

I think everyone has the 'right' to make their preference known, and mine is for a more informal structure. I am talking about in general, not as in this thread- I am not saying (for those reading into things) that I think you are questioning my right to post my opinion, as I know you are not. Again, for me, it has nothing to do with respect/authority. It has everything to do with intimacy, as is similar in some other cultures' languages. Our language doesn't have the formal/informal structure, say, for instance that there is in Italian, or spanish.

Because of my advanced maternal age, I have a fair amount of friends with young children. These might be friends I had while I was in high school or college with, and include some neighboring kids. They ALL call me Johanna(which, btw, is always pronounced correctly by the kids...if ONLY I could get the parents on board, LOL). I don't feel anything by it. But, I respect you feel differently.

As for doctors...even my vet addresses me by Ms. Blankety blank, and I in turn, address him as Doctor (well, when I don't slip and call him White Coat). My physican addresses me as 'counselor', and my dentist and I are on first name basis! I agree, those that would take it up a notch, I would probably be bothered by the different levels of formality.

Further, in the professional environment, I do address people by Mr/Ms until they have invited me otherwise. But, that is in keeping with my weirdness, really, as I do not have an intimate relationship with them.

So, my question back to you, Miss Sara, is why do you feel the way you do?

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Not much - just regret St George not being around when there's a dragon wants slaying!!

[Edwina's Secretary]

Miss Johanna,

I guess I'm just an old-fashioned girl....<>

I just believe there are some privileges that go with adulthood....staying out late at night, drinking alcohol, making major purchases, calling adults by their first names.

We took Barbara and Siegmar out to dinner while they were here last week. The restaurant was a disaster. Our waitperson, despite our request to two other staff members, could not leave her conversation to serve us. When she finally did, she told us she thought the section closed. Mind you....she could SEE us the whole time. My husband told her this was unacceptable service. He did not yell or swear but he was definitely angry. Her response was she had never been spoken to in that manner and could not accept it. (I expected her mommy and/or daddy to appear at any moment to tell us we were mean to their little girl!)

The substitute waitperson announced we would put the misunderstanding (What??? I understood everything perfectly!) behind us as she proceeded to call us "you guys."

I am not an intimate friend of the wait staff nor my friends' children. I am an intimate friend of my friends.

Familiarity breeds contempt...okay, maybe not contempt but, in my opinion, a blurring of distinction about who is what to whom.

[Logan]

Johanna, I must agree with you. Of course, I also recognize that everyone has the right to have a different opinion (Sara...... ) . I urge Helen's friends to call me by my first name. Perhaps it makes me feel a bit younger than my awful 43 years, but I also think it puts them at ease with me. Some of them insist on "Miss Logan" and that's fine. Unfortunately, many of them also still call me "Mrs. Givens", which is the name they knew me by for so many years. But that is not my name anymore and is still Helen's last name, so it gets quite confusing for all!

When I was growing up, my friend's parents were called by "Mr. or Mrs", but as I have gotten older, I've even changed, at their request, to try to call them by their first name. It's hard to change after all these years! LOL!!! I find myself saying "Miss Pat" or "Miss Helen" to my mom's friends and the parents of my friends.

I live in the south, where things are maybe a bit more formal, usually, but I have found that over the years, people have gotten more relaxed.

Even my daughter calls my parents by their first names. That is only because when she was a tiny thing, she talked very early, but could not spit out "Grandmother" or "Granddaddy" and we settled on "Betsy" and "Hugh", instead, thinking we would change it, eventually. But we never did and my mom always says that no one can say "Betsy" more sweetly than Helen!

PCB, I hope you figure it out. I still think that asking them directly is the best way to go!

Logan