I was able to be a stay-at-home mom until my youngest was 3. Then I worked part-time 3 evenings a week in a Church office. It worked for us because Carl babysat (why do fathers babysit and we just take care of our children?). It also forced him to spend more time with the kids and see that taking responsibility for everything they need isn't as easy at it sound. It wasn't until Christy was in 4th grade or so that I went full time.

You might think about something like that - then babysitting fees wouldn't be a part of what you are making and you still would have some evenings and weekends with your husband and still be with Aidan a good part of the time.

And I think too that too much has happened recently for you to not react emotionally to this. Losing a baby planned or not has to be tough not just on your emotions but your hormones as well. Grieving doesn't end just because you or others think enough time has passed ( and in this case it hasn't)

And if you find that you should have to go back full time for awhile, it doesn't mean you can't continue to look into ways of changing that and finding a way to be with Aidan. As so many have said, talk to other people and maybe you will find a way that you hadn't even thought of to please both Josh and your need to be with Aidan.