I can't stop crying

[Kfamr]

Jaime.. I am so sorry with your recent heartaches. I wish there was something I could say or do to resolve them.

I know slightly how you feel, though. My dear friend Laurie had troubles finding a pre-k/daycare for her 2 youngest when she moved down here. She finally found one she felt safe with, $300 something every 2 weeks and she found out they suck. She cried everynight, cried while dropping them off, etc.

It's very hard to be a parent of any kind.

{HUGS}

[caseysmom]

Jaime, I remember when I was on maternity leave I had to go into work for an interview, it was to get on a promotional list. Just driving in to the parking lot made me cry.

I don't think it is selfish at all, your instincts are to protect your son, your husband is probably just worried about the money I am sure he doesn't think you are lazy or anything.

[Lobodeb]

Awww, Jaime. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Please know that I do sympathize with you. As a mother, I would love nothing more than spend all day with my baby, but I can't. I work full time. I have since he was 3 months old. I have to. It's a sad fact of life. I am the primary money maker in my house. If I don't work, we don't eat. It's even more compounded now that hubby's job is in limbo.

Do I like that I only see my son for 3-4 hours a day? HE_ _ NO! I hate it. I hate every moment that I'm away from him. I hate that I can't feed him, I hate that he's doing things for the first time and I'm not there to see it. But if I want to continue to give him everything he has, then I need to keep working. You can rest assured that I make the most of every minute that I do have with him, though!

I hope you find a solution that allows you to only work part time, but if you do have to go back to full time, it's not the end of the world, I promise. Especially as the days get longer and our boys are up later.

Good luck. I pray that you find a solution that works for everyone.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Oh sweetheart you are neither lazy or selfish - you are a mother. I remember going back to work after having Katie and it was such a wrench at the beginning but it was the best for both of us. She made a lot of friends and learnt so much at the creche and I was able to talk to grown ups for a few hours a day. I do feel for you and hope that you find a solution and that Josh will be a little more understanding.

As for not being able to stop crying - I think this is also a reaction to your sad news last week

[Pam]

I feel the pain in your post and wish I could just give you some (((hugs))) in person. I was fortunate enough to be able to be a stay-at-home mom when my children were growing up and I would wish that for everyone (who wants to) as, in my opinion, that is the best for the child. I realize that in today's economy it is not possible and I sympathize with all of you moms who are going out to work while sacrificing precious time with your little ones. I can imagine how hard that must be and I salute all of you. I really do. Add to that, at the end of a busy work day when you might just want to come home and crash on the sofa there are little ones to care for and a household to run. I don't know how so many of you accomplish all of that and do it so well.

My first thought was to check with your church for babysitting services. You may find out that there is someone out there who is just looking for such an opportunity to care for a baby, and they will be able to put you two in touch with each other. I would be so afraid to hire someone who did not come thoroughly recommended by someone. I think that, for me, putting my child in the hands of a relative stranger would be more than I could take. I probably wouldn't be very productive at work, for all of the worrying I'd be doing.

Maybe you and hubby might be able to look at your budget and *tighten your belts* a bit in order to make your dollars go a little further, although I realize that would involve more time to set in motion than the amount of time you have to work with. I guess you don't have any family nearby who could help - at least temporarily?

You have been through a lot recently and I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you are thinking. Life throws curves and you have been handling them as good as is humanly possible. I wish that your hubby was a little more understanding about the feelings that you have as a woman/mother. I guess that's just the difference in the sexes.

Fortunately you do have a little time to work out a solution. I hope that something will fall into place soon. (((hugs)))

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

((((HUGS))))

I don't know what your financial situation is - ie cost of you working (daycare,petrol, clothes etc) vs savings on these costs if you could stay at home??

I am still only working flexi-time - I work as a rentals agent, which is commission only, but I am NOT bringing in enough to justify spending time away from Cali. It was fine before she arrived, as it gave me an interest outisde the home (which I needed), but now I am re-assessing and.....

I don't know if this would work for you, but next month I am flying back to SA to do the "Infant Massage Instructor's Course". This will qualify me to run courses on infant massage for Mums and Babies.

I am going to do this from home - I will only average around $800 per month - IF I run 3 x 90 minute sessions per week. It's NOT a huge income, but it takes the sting off me not working, and when you work out how few hours I will be working it's enough. I am not sure how much Instructors charge for the courses in the US?

I am NOT doing this only for the money - I attended a course with Cali, and I found it to be a beautiful and special way to communicate with her. Now I want to pass this on to other new mums.

Maybe you could look into this....ie
- are there other people in your area offering Infant Massage classes
- if so, are they only doing daytime classes - there MUST be a niche for working mums to attend the class in an evening or Saturday morning, plus then Josh can attend to Aiden whilst you "work"

Other advantages:
- it is an international qualification, so you could still do it if you ever moved
- it's a great way to meet other mums with little ones

PM me if you want more info.

Sorry for the long post, but maybe this could work for you?

[4 Dog Mother]

I was able to be a stay-at-home mom until my youngest was 3. Then I worked part-time 3 evenings a week in a Church office. It worked for us because Carl babysat (why do fathers babysit and we just take care of our children?). It also forced him to spend more time with the kids and see that taking responsibility for everything they need isn't as easy at it sound. It wasn't until Christy was in 4th grade or so that I went full time.

You might think about something like that - then babysitting fees wouldn't be a part of what you are making and you still would have some evenings and weekends with your husband and still be with Aidan a good part of the time.

And I think too that too much has happened recently for you to not react emotionally to this. Losing a baby planned or not has to be tough not just on your emotions but your hormones as well. Grieving doesn't end just because you or others think enough time has passed ( and in this case it hasn't)

And if you find that you should have to go back full time for awhile, it doesn't mean you can't continue to look into ways of changing that and finding a way to be with Aidan. As so many have said, talk to other people and maybe you will find a way that you hadn't even thought of to please both Josh and your need to be with Aidan.

[shihtzulover850]

well why don't you want to work full-time? do you not like yur job?

[shihtzulover850]

oh you poor thing. it must be tough.

[shais_mom]

Oh sweetheart you are neither lazy or selfish - you are a mother.

I agree - my thoughts with you wanting to stay home isn't lazy or selfish but more your husband's reaction was that he was acting like a putz. Tell him to ask Oprah if SHE thinks that stay at home mom's are lazy and selfish.
Another good friend of mine at work has 4 kids from the age of 8-3 and she worked part time for awhile and then before she had her last 2 she quit and just worked on an as needed basis for 2 hospitals. Then her husband lost his job and she had to work full time for a year and now she is back to part time and it has worked out for her.

[Logan]

I can imagine your worry and concern. I'm so sorry that you have been thrown this curve ball when you had such an ideal situation.

I think Staci had a good idea, though, in that you might be able to turn the tables and bring children into your home, rather than having to go out and work fulltime. It certainly bears looking into!

I also want to tell you that I have always had to work fulltime since my daughter, Helen, was born. Even when I was married to Helen's father, it was one of those things that just had to be. I went back, full time, after only 5 weeks. He stayed home with her for the 6th week. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. BUT, the good part is that my Helen is 15 1/2 years old now and she has not suffered from being in daycare all those years. She is a well adjusted young lady who is happy and healthy. I became a single parent the day she turned two years old. What I did was to do as Johanna said and I spent every moment with her when I wasn't working. I have never regretted a minute of that, either!!!!

In the best of schemes, you would not have to work at all. I just want you to know that it is not going to be the end of the world if you have to.

Best intentions,
Logan

[Samantha Puppy]

Doing my own daycare is something that we're thinking of. However, we might actually end up moving out of state so I can't get started on that until I know which state's guidelines and rules to follow.

It also takes up to a year to have happen, and that is time we cannot afford to live on one income. It also usually means home improvements to get it up to state regulation and we don't have money for that right now.

We'll see. We spoke last night and we're getting several different game plans together. Hopefully one of them will pan out.

[finn's mom]

If you could do what 4 dog mother did, that would rock! And, work part time a few nights a week. I hope one of your ideas works out for you guys!