sad thread

[regpster]

Kick me while I'm down would ya!

[Glacier]

i'm a little confused here and I'm not trying to be rude, but is the lack of help with the animals really the biggest problem in your marriage? I have 31 animals here. I am soley responsible for their care. My husband does big projects--builds fences, doghouses, stuff like that. He is not involved in their day to day care. He loves them, but he doesn't do the feeding, scooping, walking ect. He tells people he has one dog(Muskwa, who he owned before we met) and one cat, Polly Paws(who hates me and adores him).

If I need help, I just ask, very clearly with detailed instructions. I leave him 3 typed pages of instructions when I have to go away! He's always willing to help if I ask him!

Now I don't resent having to do all the animal care, I love it. I look forward to it, (except the poop scooping, but it's gotta be done!). It's my privledge to share my life with these creatures. I chose to bring them into my life. If something else I'd rather do has to slide to meet there needs, so be it. The time and energy they take wouldn't even be on a list of my problems!

You mentioned you have children. If you're seriously considering leaving, even a trial seperation, you better think long and hard about their needs too. My sister did a trial seperation, that has now turned into an ugly divorce. Her kids are paying the price for her decisions. Her dog and her cats are just fine, her kids are a mess! I don't know any couples who did a "trial seperation" and ended up getting back together. They all ended up divorced.

I hope you find a solution that works for your entire family.

[shais_mom]

I have no clue who you are but I really feel for the sanity of yourself and children you should probably just make a clean break. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like you have a great relationship and you and your kids deserve much much more.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a hard time. If I were in that position, I think I would need my pets more than ever! I can't imagine going through a rough spot without someone there for me, and my pets always cheer me up, without fail. If you are concerned about your pets not having enough time with company, maybe you should hire someone to come and spend a little time with them. Granted, if money is tight then maybe a friend could look in on them.

I know that renting with pets can be tough, but it can definately be done! I've always managed to find a place, and every place so far has been pet-deposit and pet-rent free! I just talk directly to the landlord, explain how well-behaved my pets are, and they are usually ok with it.

[regpster]

but is the lack of help with the animals really the biggest problem in your marriage

nope, the pets aren't causing any of it. Just that I don't know what is the best thing to do. I would have to take them with me, or foster them, or rehome them depending on what is going to happen.

Right now I am just thinking over a lot of things. And you are right, trial is not the way to go. So it's either stay or not.

If I stay it's bad on both me an lil ones. Because mommy not happy. If I leave, I will try and find an apt that will let me have my doggie.

Thank you guys for your advice. You guys really are truley helpfull and very caring. *hugs*

[finn's mom]

I can understand not wanting to come straight out under your regular name. It can be very hard to ask for help. I don't know who you are, and, it's not important. Good luck with your decision, whatever it may be.

[regpster]

I can understand not wanting to come straight out under your regular name. It can be very hard to ask for help. I don't know who you are, and, it's not important. Good luck with your decision, whatever it may be.

Thank you

[Glacier]

nope, the pets aren't causing any of it.

And you are right, trial is not the way to go. So it's either stay or not.

Ok, that's what I thought, but just wanted to be sure. Having to take care of the pets seemed like an awfully silly reason to end a marriage!

My sis and her soon to be ex did a couple of trials. Everyone told her to make a choice and stick to it. I'm not fond of her ex, but if she had decided to stay with him I would have supported that choice. She has three of the most amazing little girls ever. The kids were terribly confused. Dad was there and then he was gone. He's not a terribly involved Dad, but it was still very confusing for them, especially the two younger girls. Now he's gone, has a visitation schedule and everyone knows what's going on, including the girls. They are much more stable and happier again. Sis is happier and therefore a better Mom too.

Good luck. I can't imagine being in your shoes!

[Cataholic]

I have no clue who you are, and it doesn't matter, but, posting under a faux name suggests there is more going on than your original post.

Why ever are you considering leaving a husband, with whom you have (small?) children without having any significant reason? Mommy isn't happy? That is your husband's fault? Happiness comes with uprooting your children, possibly displacing your pets, and moving into an apartment? You don't have a fail-proof back up plan? Why would YOU leave the house (I presume it is a house since you talk about renting with pets being an issue)? Why wouldn't he? And, how does a trial separation help with working on a marriage? Why aren't you two in counseling?

Sounds like you haven't thought this through very much at all. I think if I were contemplating leaving my husband, with whom I had children, I would be a little bit more on the ball then this.

And, lest you accuse anyone of kicking you while you are down, you did ask for opinions, and really, from an outsiders perspective, this seems like a very rash, flighty decision.