sad thread

**regpster** · 06-05-2006, 05:12 PM

Hi I'm a regular poster. I made this name cus I'm kind of embarrassed.

BUT I was wondering if it is possible to put my dog in temp foster care untill spouse and I work on our marriage. I was thinking of having a trial seperation and he doesn't really care for animals. So I am stuck doing everything for them.

Have any of you thought of doing this? Or had to do this?

if you think you know who I am, feel free to pm me.

**caseysmom** · 06-05-2006, 05:25 PM

I would try putting hubby in temporary foster care first and see if he improves

Sorry couldn't help myself. I am sorry you are going through this. If your pets are important to you I would think this would make you resent your husband. An issue as big as this does need to be addressed, can you live your life without a pet? I don't think I could.

**Rachel** · 06-05-2006, 05:30 PM

I don't have a clue as to who you are, but when you say you are *stuck doing everything for them* it makes me wonder what your commitment is to your animals. Generally we don't find people here who take their relationship with their animals so lightly. And just what kind of *temporary foster care* do you envision being available for your dog?

Please don't get me wrong. I've been in a position where I made decisions about my pets that I regretted. It was a situation of illness and I didn't believe I had any other alternative. Looking back, I believe I could have made it without giving up my dogs and not a day goes by where that decision doesn't haunt me and it was 30 years ago. Sometimes what looks bleak can be made possible by taking it one day at a time. Please reconsider this approach and look to ways to find the strength you need at this time.

**regpster** · 06-05-2006, 05:40 PM

I really didn't mean for it to come out that way. What I mean is that I do everything. I know I'm supposed to. These animals are ours. But I feel that they are more so mine because he doesn't help.

The same as I feel about our children. He barely helps with them. I was only thinking of temp foster cus if I went to an apartment... well I guess I could search for one that will except the larger breeds. But that would be larger deposit that I would have to save up for.

I love my animals I really do. But it's not fair for the one that can't be trusted out of the crate by himself for 9 hours a day.

This is how much I love my animals.

Back when I was younger, I couldn't keep my cat because I was homeless and staying with hubby, but he wasn't hubby then. Well, I coudn't find someone to keep her for a lil while. I took her to humane society where she got really sick. So I adopted her back because it just tore me up sooo bad. I had her boarded up at the vets office where she got better and untill bf and I got moved in our own apartment. I paid $8 a day for 3 months.

So really, I'm just trying to think of the best interest for my dog. My cat pretty much sleeps all day. Cat is easy to take care of. But dog needs more.

I would try putting hubby in temporary foster care first and see if he improves

lol I wish.

**lizbud** · 06-05-2006, 05:45 PM

I couldn't possibly offer advice to someone who has such a big problem
that they sign up as another person to ask for it.

I think I
know who this is as you have alluded to the problem in other posts. Get
a spine and ask for help if you need it.

**regpster** · 06-05-2006, 05:51 PM

Kick me while I'm down would ya!

**Glacier** · 06-05-2006, 06:12 PM

i'm a little confused here and I'm not trying to be rude, but is the lack of help with the animals really the biggest problem in your marriage? I have 31 animals here. I am soley responsible for their care. My husband does big projects--builds fences, doghouses, stuff like that. He is not involved in their day to day care. He loves them, but he doesn't do the feeding, scooping, walking ect. He tells people he has one dog(Muskwa, who he owned before we met) and one cat, Polly Paws(who hates me and adores him).

If I need help, I just ask, very clearly with detailed instructions. I leave him 3 typed pages of instructions when I have to go away! He's always willing to help if I ask him!

Now I don't resent having to do all the animal care, I love it. I look forward to it, (except the poop scooping, but it's gotta be done!). It's my privledge to share my life with these creatures. I chose to bring them into my life. If something else I'd rather do has to slide to meet there needs, so be it. The time and energy they take wouldn't even be on a list of my problems!

You mentioned you have children. If you're seriously considering leaving, even a trial seperation, you better think long and hard about their needs too. My sister did a trial seperation, that has now turned into an ugly divorce. Her kids are paying the price for her decisions. Her dog and her cats are just fine, her kids are a mess! I don't know any couples who did a "trial seperation" and ended up getting back together. They all ended up divorced.

I hope you find a solution that works for your entire family.

**shais_mom** · 06-05-2006, 06:24 PM

I have no clue who you are but I really feel for the sanity of yourself and children you should probably just make a clean break. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like you have a great relationship and you and your kids deserve much much more.