Stressed...

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

It's just SO hard. Everyone expects so much of me. My mom gets SO mad when I get B's on my report card, C's are even worse. My grades are slipping, I'm aware of it. I'm maintaining a B average in most of my classes. Nothing I do is EVER good enough for ANYONE.

I KNOW I can't handle stress. I know everything I do is wrong, I just can't help it. My self-esteem is shot, so is my confidence. I go through spells where I don't eat... purely so I can feel like I'm staying up to Mike's satisfaction, to make him happy. I eat only when people are around, but after a few days of fasting I binge. I have such overwhelming guilt about eating, so I fast again... it's an ongoing cycle of PAIN in my life right now.

[Catty1]

GO TO YOUR DOCTOR AND GET HELP!

This is NOT a do-it-yourself situation!

You are feeling worse, not better.

GO GET HELP YESTERDAY!

Catty1

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Today is a better day. Haven't eaten anything yet (as I have no lunch money, go figure), but I am happier. I get my yearbook today, and I have to work (with Mike, unfortunately)... but I'll be online tonight too, and my mom won't be home. I'll have a nice, semi-un-stressful night. I just need to keep myself sane until we go camping on Friday. That place is the biggest stress reliever there is. There's just something about being with my family (probably will get hassled with the scholarship crap again...) but being with my family (Angie and her kids are coming, and one of my dad's friends that I really like) and just the outdoors... campfires, cooking over open fire... I can't wait. I love it soo much.

I'm better today, I promise.

[Catty1]

I am thinking long term...I am glad you are better today.

Will you be able to live on your own in another place when you go to college?

hugs
Catty1

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Yes, I'm sure I'll be fine. I'll probably go to a college very close to home so I can still stay with my dad. He needs me just as much as I need him. I'm at school right now... long day ahead of me. I'm really not looking forward to seeing Mike tonight, we sort of had an argument... well not an argument persay, but it will be awkward tonight, I know it. I'm so glad school is almost over. I can't wait for the stress to be gone, for me to catch up on my sleep, and for me to just not have to deal with homework and projects and essays and reports... the list goes on.

I'll make it, I hope. I need to pull myself from these bad habits though. I have a cut on my wrist under where my bracelets are, and I have a bad habit of touching it... you know if your hands are a little dirty, touching an open wound can make it sting? I do that a lot... as well as getting hand sanitizer on it, which also hurts really bad...

Switching subjects, I'm going to visit my friend in Minnesota this summer. (PepperRSM) Pretty excited. I need to lose weight though, so I look halfway decent in a swimsuit.

[Vela]

I don't like to give advice, but I think you need counseling. It would help you deal with the emotions. I also think you should get away from the guy completely, as it's not helping you at all. You might be having a better day but you aren't better and you need counseling and perhaps family counseling as well with your parents, to deal with these issues. You shouldn't be hurting yourself.

[Iilo]

Your words lead me to think that you'll probably progress to more Self Injuring behavior.

I agree with most everyone else -- you need to get an outside source of help, preferably a professional.