He-larry-ass

[kitten645]

Sometimes you have to get the message across
as best we can. Try this for those who can't
understand the King James Version:

1. I'm God. Don't play me.
(I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have any
other gods before me.)

2. Don't be makin no hood ornaments
and charms outta me, or like me.
(Thou shalt not have any graven images)

3. Don't be callin' me for no reason
(Thou shalt not use the name of the
Lord thy God in vain)

4. Y'all betta be in church on Sunday,
and not just the Sundays when
it's Mother's day, Easter
and Christmas
(Remember to keep the Sabbath day holy)

5. Don't dis or cuss out yo momma...
and if you know who ya daddy
is, don't dis him neither.
(Honor thy father and thy mother)

6. Don't be goin' on no drive bys.
(Thou shalt not kill)

7. Stick to ya own Boo.
(Thou shalt not commit adultery)

8. Don't be borrow'n stuff and
don't give it back.
(Thou shalt not steal)!

9. Don't be snitchin' on the otha'
man to save your behind.
(Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy brother)

10. Don't be eyein' (skeeming) yo
homie's crib, ride, woman,
or nuffin.
(Thou shalt not covet anything that belongs to thy brother).

[Husky_mom]

LOL ..............LMAO..............so bad............*bump on floor*.........

ok i´m up again.............LOL so funny

[popcornbird]

What I find hilarious (or should I say surprising...or shocking?) is that...

...you are all laughing, joking about, and mocking your OWN faith. Something is wrong here...



For those of you who believe the Bible is from God...don't you think God would be displeased by the mocking of Biblical verses?

For those of you who don't believe the Bible is the true word of God, or take part of it and reject part of it...or that it is changed....

Why do you call yourselves Christians? I mean...if you don't truly believe in it, or follow the teachings of Christianity, or even want to follow what you claim to believe is from God, why consider yourselves Christians? Doesn't Christianity stem from the teachings in the Bible? It doesn't make sense to me.

I am genuinely wondering about this, out of confusion, and don't mean any disrespect to anyone. Just a little confused/baffled here. Maybe I just didn't *get it*. I don't mean to get into a religious discussion, but I'm just so confused. Very confused.

[gini]

PCB with all due respect. God has given us many many gifts. One of those gifts is a sense of humor. If HE has given us a sense of humor then HE must have a sense of humor as well.

He has also given us free will.

However, no matter what you read on the internet such as a Pet site or a book, even though it may seem to be hypocritical, or mean spirited or, in this case, just plain funny - ONLY HE knows what is in our hearts.

And that is what matters most.

I am happy to let HIM judge me when it is all said and done.

[jenluckenbach]

PCB......think of it this way, not all people of Polish heritage will appreciate Polish jokes, and others are able to laugh at themselves. (same with Italians, people of Jewish faith, African-Americans.....etc, etc, etc.)

And the reason it is funny is because of the difference in the "age". The same way a TV show about an alien from another planet can't understand our human ways. And it is funny to watch them cope out of their league. Things were done very differently in the years B.C. and through the first centuries after Christ and are simply NOT how things are today.

I hope this helps you some, and I hope I didn't bore anyone else.

I personally find it hilarious and true.

[lizbud]

PCB,

God knows what is in our hearts better than we do. I don't think
he needs to hear certain phrase or chants to see inside our minds.

[Cataholic]

...you are all laughing, joking about, and mocking your OWN faith. Something is wrong here...

Why do you call yourselves Christians? I mean...if you don't truly believe in it, or follow the teachings of Christianity, or even want to follow what you claim to believe is from God, why consider yourselves Christians? Doesn't Christianity stem from the teachings in the Bible? It doesn't make sense to me.

I am genuinely wondering about this, out of confusion, and don't mean any disrespect to anyone. Just a little confused/baffled here. Maybe I just didn't *get it*. I don't mean to get into a religious discussion, but I'm just so confused. Very confused.

You don't get it. Clearly. I am not "mocking" my faith. Since it is MY faith, I get to make the call on that one.

There is nothing in Christanity that says, "thou shall not laugh". Nothing. Not there. Never, in Sunday School, did someone say to me, "hey, don't laugh at the Lord". Never. Nothing in my upbringing made me think, "God doesn't like us laughing about things". In fact, humor is often used to get across a 'message'. Why? Cause MOST (clearly, not all) humans are able to relate to humor, comedy. Hence those big billboards that say things like, "Hey, I am listening" or other present day talk/slogans, and are depicting God's statements to us, encouraging us to talk to Him, to worship Him.

[Edwina's Secretary]

I think we are on to something here! Perhaps the root of the difficulty in East and West communicating.

I am not sure whether the words in the Bible are exactly what God said....as I've never had a conversation with Him/Her. But I think it safe to believe a few things have been lost in translation and perhaps some personal thoughts inserted by the many, many, many men who have had their hands on that text since it was first written.

In any case, I think all the smiting, stoning, and slavery is something the world is much better off without.

But back to the subject. The funniest jokes about being Jewish and the Jewish faith I receive are from my Jewish friends. This is not about hurtful or degrading jokes. The joke that started this thread is not about the Bible (nor Christianity since it is referencing the Old Testement)...it is about hypocrisy and the innanity of imposing literally standards and conduct from thousands of years ago to modern life.

I was able to see a part of the HBO special on Queen Elizabeth I on HBO the other day. Acceptable practices in those days...beheading....draw and quartering, etc....would not be acceptable today...for which we should be happy. Times change...and hopefully for the better.

So maybe, trying to understand each others humor will help us understand each other.

[Cataholic]

ES- I have always found YOU full of humor and mirth!

[smokey the elder]

From my perspective, the biggest difference between the Quran and the Christian Bible is that the Quran is supposed to be read in Arabic, the language of its original transcription from Allah. But the Bible has been translated to the vernacular of the ages. The relative merits of each I will leave to wiser heads of the respective faiths, but therein lies the disconnect, IMO.

[RICHARD]

ES- I have always found YOU full of humor and mirth!

And me? Full of ........oh well....


----------------

Being a fan of Dr Laura Shiat-slinger,

I find that any statement she makes is one to laugh at!

Who else would disassociate themselves from their parents, especially their mother.....and leave them to die alone and not be found for weeks???



Religion is beauty, belief, forgiveness and love.


And a little bit of humor.


Jesus died for my sins...two thousand years before I was born!
Now if that ain't faith, I don't know what is. It also strikes me as
strange......


Like how did he know I was going to have 'relations' out of wedlock?
Or put the National Football League in front of church on Sunday?
I was going to shoplift?
Drink or have dirty thoughts...
Coveting my best friend's wife?

If the Big Man Upstairs knew that things were going to get THIS bad ..he should have put the finger down and rid himself of this nasty old planet and the people on it...

Religion is what you put into it.

Saying WHAT you think a 2,000 year old book means is no different that a Roper and Ebert movie review..


Ebert: "I thought the Leviticus scenes were too graphic and gory!

Roeper: " I thought if gave god just the right amount of payback to the sinners!"

==============================

If you do a 'net search you will see the Filipino Easter tradition of crucifying men on that day....

Funny, no?

Funny (As in WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT?) YES!!

Hey what did you do on Easter Sunday?


Hung around.....By having nails put into my hands and hanging from a cross....


Well, I looked for eggs with the kids....

=====================

One vote for stoning please!

[kitten645]

[QUOTE=Edwina's Secretary]
In any case, I think all the smiting, stoning, and slavery is something the world is much better off without.

I'm sort of partial th the smiting myself.
Kitten

[Edwina's Secretary]

[QUOTE=kitten645]

In any case, I think all the smiting, stoning, and slavery is something the world is much better off without.

I'm sort of partial th the smiting myself.
Kitten

i wish I knew how to do one of those polls. We could see which people prefer....smiting, stoning or slavery.....

[buckner]

What I find hilarious (or should I say surprising...or shocking?) is that...

...you are all laughing, joking about, and mocking your OWN faith. Something is wrong here...



For those of you who believe the Bible is from God...don't you think God would be displeased by the mocking of Biblical verses?

For those of you who don't believe the Bible is the true word of God, or take part of it and reject part of it...or that it is changed....

Why do you call yourselves Christians? I mean...if you don't truly believe in it, or follow the teachings of Christianity, or even want to follow what you claim to believe is from God, why consider yourselves Christians? Doesn't Christianity stem from the teachings in the Bible? It doesn't make sense to me.

I am genuinely wondering about this, out of confusion, and don't mean any disrespect to anyone. Just a little confused/baffled here. Maybe I just didn't *get it*. I don't mean to get into a religious discussion, but I'm just so confused. Very confused.

In my opinion, Christians are to follow the NEW testament, not the old. The old testament is there to show us what life would've been like without Jesus coming to save us from ourselves and giving us eternal life. The old testament is not to be taken literal, but to only be a comparison in what life we could have had.

So, for me to laugh at Leviticus, I don't think that's laughing or mocking my own faith. Leviticus is a straaange book. And it contradicts a lot in the bible, and just makes a person wonder. But, the bible contradicts itself. For each opinion, you can find something in the bible to prove you're right - but for the counter opinion, you can also find something to prove that that opinion is right. It's an ongoing battle, you have to decide what you believe is to be literal and what isn't.

I think Leviticus is a silly book. I have a hard time reading Leviticus, but I just take it with a grain of salt because I know that's not how I *have* to believe to be a Christian. So if I want to laugh at that email, I can. I still consider myself a Christian and no one can ever convince me otherwise.

[Edwina's Secretary]

In my opinion, Christians are to follow the NEW testament, not the old.

Aren't the Ten Commandments in the OLD testaments?????