Quote Originally Posted by king2005
I'm not on any form of medications. I don't do well on any medication (I'm going to avoid all meds at all costs, except my allergy meds as its a once a week or once a month thing.. its random when I take it). I didn't even know I was allergic to the Pill & the Patch until I left Rob. My head suddenly cleared up, I was no longer randomly sad, my skin issues are gone (just touching me use to hurt so much), I can remember things (I had a hard time remember how to spell my own name & couldn't remember my own phone # & could hardly count...Now, I learned my new phone # in just reading it once!).

I met Rob when I was 16yrs old & hes Anti-Drinking big time, so I just never drank. Both of my grandfathers are drunks. One hit me (hes dead now.. not to be mean, but thank goodness!), The other is still around & hes a happy drunk. All my friends back home have the odd beer here & there. I can't do squat at big work meetings as there is always booze, nor go to the bars with work employees.

My dads brother was never sober, but never drunk either & hes very welloff. My moms brothers are crazy party animals, but they are into drugs aswell, so I tend to ignore them 99% of the time.

My sister use to get wasted to the point of being ill, due to what mom put her through (mom got counclers to try to make us say that dad touched us! It was a living hell & she drank to get away.. I just dissapeared into the forest for up to 12hrs/day with my old dog to get away).

I don't think I'm depressed (I was sad & upset as he was cheating on me) as I haven't had a single Anxity attack since I've moved out... I talk to my dad daily on MSN (while I'm at work) & on the phone (when I'm at home). I also have a good support team (unlike when Max was murdered, but I think the Pill & the Patch had made that far worse for me then it should have been) this time.

I just wanted to do this right.

I am sorry... my deadline has to wait. I am just compelled to respond. Please know that I am in no way trying to be mean. You seem like you have had way too much of that already.

I honestly think you need help and counseling in the worst way. You have had such a difficult and unusual life experience(s) that I don't think you "really" even can grasp what is "normal" for most. Your latest post (QUOTED HERE) is a HUGE, HUGE RED FLAG. It "Screams Help Me" to even the most casual reader. Your text reads like a soap opera riddled with dysfunctionality.

Please believe me... counseling is in order AND IT WILL HELP. I have had counseling and it help me turn the corner during a very difficult time in my life. A new job (with folks who were unbearable), considering starting "my own business (partially because I always wanted to and partially "just to get away") and just unbearable weight on my shoulders. AND IT WAS REALLY HARD FOR ME TO SEE THAT I NEEDED PROFESSIONAL HELP". You see, I was always the strong one, the prodigal son, the success story... people "just assumed I had it all together and would always come out on top". I carried myself that way too - proud, confident - all the while fighting off feelings of impending doom and collapse. After reaching the lowest of lows - I told myself I would "try" - "just try" one session of counseling. I went to several. Felt a little better but "not a magic pill" by any means. Left first counselor - tried a second, and then stumbled upon a 3rd. She was it!!! A loving, caring woman who seemed to almost "get me" from the beginning. It seemed like she had me pegged. Like she had heard this story before - she was just waiting for me to verbalize it. THE CLASSIC OVERACHIEVER. She made me realize that it was OK to fall short (Ooohhh... it almost still hurts to say that - but IT IS). I do NOT have be everything to everyone. I can't save the WORLD and it was just unrealistic to think that I could shoulder infinite responsibilty. She gave me a book that I never finished... just the first couple of chapters was enough to begin to put me at ease again and to start on the road to recovery. It was "FEAR OF FAILURE". What a great title. It almost says it all. It was the Fear of Failure that was the very worst of my concerns - more so than actual failure itself. The sort of being "EXPOSED". The embarassment, the ridicule... the spite from others who always wanted to see me fail. GUESS WHAT - nobody really cares - nobody was really watching me that close. And if they did care - why did I??? Suffice to say that it was quite enlightening and very helpful to realize that your worst of fears is "really" not all that bad. Enough of me (maybe someone reading this and suffering from anxiety might feel a bit more hopeful).

Your story is different. You have different and complex issues that I reallly think you need to explore and discuss with a trained "Professional". No offense, but you sometimes sound almost childlike in your perspective on life. You said you lived a very sheltered life and this could have affected you more deeply than you realize. And the drunken Grandparents, being hit, Party Animals on your Mother's side, attempts to have you wrongfully accuse your father of molestation... and on and on... Please consider seeing someone (TOM is "not" going to do it for you).

Well now that I have bared my soul in an effort to convince you to consider counseling - please get some help. I sincerely believe you need it.