Need drinking advice (Adult Advice)

[slleipnir]

I honestly don't see any harm in a drink or 2. I personally like a drink now and then. If I had a long, hard day, then I find a drink relaxes me a little. I've never been a big drinker. I've never even been drunk. However, I do like to have a drink once in a while.

[jenluckenbach]

Let's start by saying, I am 43 and I never learned to drink (as you put it). I can't even handle the smell, why would I want to go further??? (same reason I never smoked)

I would never tell any person who enjoys a beer or wine (or any alcoholic drink) on occassion, that it is wrong. But I ASSUME it is because they LIKE it! If you need to "learn to drink" it sounds like you feel the need to (not because it gives you a bit of enjoyment, but because it is cool???)

If you happen to try a beer or some wine, and find you like the taste, then have 1 or 2 once in a while. But what happens if you force yourself to drink something alcoholic and your body reacts badly? What if that is all it takes to prove you have no control over what alchohol does to you? An alchohlic doesn't KNOW he/she is an alchoholic, not usually until the drinks start to run and ruin their lives. I just can't imagine purposely putting yourself in that possible danger.

So I guess my first advice would be "DON'T FORCE YOURSELF." and after that I would say start with something small and be true to yourself about how it makes you feel.

[*JTM*Coco*pi*Caramel*]

Hmmmmmmm if you haven't drank before, why start? I mean I do drink, I will be 21 in july, and I started drinking before I was legal to, (19 in Canada) so I really started when I was like honestly 14! Not proud of that! If I had never drank before like you, and brought drinking into my lifestyle/friends, I don't think I would really ever start. I don't really drink now except for a glass of wine at dinner or something and I don't go to the bar really either.

Drinking is a responsability and you have obviously thought it out and seem like a sensible person so if thats what you have your mind set on I guess then go for it. I wouldn't reccomend going to the bar first off, and I would drink with someone you trust. Your plan seems pretty good, except for the Keiths part I spent 2 years in Halifax going to university where Keiths beer was first brewed and it is not the best beer! Some ppl like it I guess but I think thats just cause they want to drink Keiths cause it's Keiths, not cause it taste good! You kinda have to have a tast for beer but try a light one maybe first. I wouldnt reccomend getting into the hard stuff though! Not now anyways! Hope that helps and good luck!

Edit: I didn't realize that you were having troubles in your life right now, so what I previously said would only apply if you are in a good emotional state and place in life. Because I drank so early, I learned the hard way, and I drank when I was depressed and when I was on medication and was irresponsible (then again I was too young). I don't want anyone to think I grew up in a bad family or anything because I didn't I had really strict parents I just rebelled and I live in a small town where drinking is the pass time. I regret starting and am so thankful I didnt become an alcoholic. Like I said I now only drink a glass of wine with supper occasionaly and thats it. Honestly, depression and drinking leads down a dirty road that you don't want to go down that caused me a lot of bad situations and messes (socially and physically). I really would not drink if I were you. I hope things are going ok with you and that you make whatever decision best suits your life right now

[moosmom]

Ever hear of Karen Ann Quinlan?http://www.ascensionhealth.org/ethic...ses/case21.asp

[Cataholic]

JenL and Jessika have thoughts similar to my own. I drink, and have since I was 15 or 16, I suppose. I enjoy a glass or two of wine, a cold beer on occasion, and sometimes a chick drink! For me, it is something I enjoy, in moderation.

I don't know why you want to try NOW something you haven't had before, other than as an effort to test your wings, and maybe put something between you and Rob. "Look, Rob, I can drink now, too" is what comes to mind.

Anti-depressants and alcohol do not mix. At all.

[king2005]

JenL and Jessika have thoughts similar to my own. I drink, and have since I was 15 or 16, I suppose. I enjoy a glass or two of wine, a cold beer on occasion, and sometimes a chick drink! For me, it is something I enjoy, in moderation.

I don't know why you want to try NOW something you haven't had before, other than as an effort to test your wings, and maybe put something between you and Rob. "Look, Rob, I can drink now, too" is what comes to mind.

Anti-depressants and alcohol do not mix. At all.

I'm not on any form of medications. I don't do well on any medication (I'm going to avoid all meds at all costs, except my allergy meds as its a once a week or once a month thing.. its random when I take it). I didn't even know I was allergic to the Pill & the Patch until I left Rob. My head suddenly cleared up, I was no longer randomly sad, my skin issues are gone (just touching me use to hurt so much), I can remember things (I had a hard time remember how to spell my own name & couldn't remember my own phone # & could hardly count...Now, I learned my new phone # in just reading it once!).

I met Rob when I was 16yrs old & hes Anti-Drinking big time, so I just never drank. Both of my grandfathers are drunks. One hit me (hes dead now.. not to be mean, but thank goodness!), The other is still around & hes a happy drunk. All my friends back home have the odd beer here & there. I can't do squat at big work meetings as there is always booze, nor go to the bars with work employees.

My dads brother was never sober, but never drunk either & hes very welloff. My moms brothers are crazy party animals, but they are into drugs aswell, so I tend to ignore them 99% of the time.

My sister use to get wasted to the point of being ill, due to what mom put her through (mom got counclers to try to make us say that dad touched us! It was a living hell & she drank to get away.. I just dissapeared into the forest for up to 12hrs/day with my old dog to get away).

I don't think I'm depressed (I was sad & upset as he was cheating on me) as I haven't had a single Anxity attack since I've moved out... I talk to my dad daily on MSN (while I'm at work) & on the phone (when I'm at home). I also have a good support team (unlike when Max was murdered, but I think the Pill & the Patch had made that far worse for me then it should have been) this time.

I just wanted to do this right.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

All I will say is "know when to stop". Drinking isn't compulsory, you don't have to match everyone else drink for drink and it isn't a crime to leave your glass with drink still in it............

[king2005]

All I will say is "know when to stop". Drinking isn't compulsory, you don't have to match everyone else drink for drink and it isn't a crime to leave your glass with drink still in it............

I would never do that. I'm not interested in getting drunk off my rocker like that. I'm only interested in a drink or 2, I just don't know my limit yet, so I wont drink more then 1 until I see how it goes. I more then likely wont even drink 2.

[Cataholic]

King, didn't you JUST say this a week or so ago????

Guns & Pit Bulls are a part of life & are not bad (like drugs, smoking & booze, bad no matter what you do).

I would really re-think your current ideas....they don't seem to be consistent with last weeks. AND, while I didn't go back and search every post, I **think** you are the person that repeatedly posts things about a sister that had issues, and how you would NEVER drink??? I might be confused, and if so, I apologize, but, your current actions seem to be in conflict with your past actions. I know you are resistant to professional help (as you have posted that), and that you thought Rob could see you through any issue...but, things seem to be a little unsettled in your life right now, and I just can't see how alcohol will benefit you.

[BOBS DAD]

Ok, just asking because I remember you saying you have anxiety -- are you taking any meds for it? Generally, anxiety drugs and alcohol should NOT be mixed.

Stop and think WHY you want to start drinking. It seems to me that you are in a low point. Hubby left you, your other support wants to go back to his hometown. You're alone and unsure of the future. All BAD reasons to start drinking. You could spiral into binge drinking and a drinking problem very quickly once you see that it tends to take the sting out of emotional pain. I can see how it might seem attreactive right now -- nobody wants to revel in the heartache you must be feeling. ((hugs)) to you, and know we are here to help you heal, alcohol is not.

I urge you to refrain from learning to drink at this time. Wait til your life is 100% back on an even keel before you try to drink.

I was going to respond but I have adealine to meet - this KRAZY work thing!!! But Catnapper seemed to have a similar slant on the subject as my own. YOU ARE DEF AT A LOW POINT IN LIFE - USUALLY NOT A GOOD TIME "TO START" DRINKING. I will add comments later - for what they are worth!

[BitsyNaceyDog]

I don't see the harm in having an occasional drink. Justin has a beer every now and then. I personally don't really like too much in the way of alcoholic drinks. We went to our friends' house the other night and they made margaritas. I had about 4 sips of mine and then I was done. I do like some 'chick drinks', but rarely drink them.

[BOBS DAD]

I'm not on any form of medications. I don't do well on any medication (I'm going to avoid all meds at all costs, except my allergy meds as its a once a week or once a month thing.. its random when I take it). I didn't even know I was allergic to the Pill & the Patch until I left Rob. My head suddenly cleared up, I was no longer randomly sad, my skin issues are gone (just touching me use to hurt so much), I can remember things (I had a hard time remember how to spell my own name & couldn't remember my own phone # & could hardly count...Now, I learned my new phone # in just reading it once!).

I met Rob when I was 16yrs old & hes Anti-Drinking big time, so I just never drank. Both of my grandfathers are drunks. One hit me (hes dead now.. not to be mean, but thank goodness!), The other is still around & hes a happy drunk. All my friends back home have the odd beer here & there. I can't do squat at big work meetings as there is always booze, nor go to the bars with work employees.

My dads brother was never sober, but never drunk either & hes very welloff. My moms brothers are crazy party animals, but they are into drugs aswell, so I tend to ignore them 99% of the time.

My sister use to get wasted to the point of being ill, due to what mom put her through (mom got counclers to try to make us say that dad touched us! It was a living hell & she drank to get away.. I just dissapeared into the forest for up to 12hrs/day with my old dog to get away).

I don't think I'm depressed (I was sad & upset as he was cheating on me) as I haven't had a single Anxity attack since I've moved out... I talk to my dad daily on MSN (while I'm at work) & on the phone (when I'm at home). I also have a good support team (unlike when Max was murdered, but I think the Pill & the Patch had made that far worse for me then it should have been) this time.

I just wanted to do this right.

I am sorry... my deadline has to wait. I am just compelled to respond. Please know that I am in no way trying to be mean. You seem like you have had way too much of that already.

I honestly think you need help and counseling in the worst way. You have had such a difficult and unusual life experience(s) that I don't think you "really" even can grasp what is "normal" for most. Your latest post (QUOTED HERE) is a HUGE, HUGE RED FLAG. It "Screams Help Me" to even the most casual reader. Your text reads like a soap opera riddled with dysfunctionality.

Please believe me... counseling is in order AND IT WILL HELP. I have had counseling and it help me turn the corner during a very difficult time in my life. A new job (with folks who were unbearable), considering starting "my own business (partially because I always wanted to and partially "just to get away") and just unbearable weight on my shoulders. AND IT WAS REALLY HARD FOR ME TO SEE THAT I NEEDED PROFESSIONAL HELP". You see, I was always the strong one, the prodigal son, the success story... people "just assumed I had it all together and would always come out on top". I carried myself that way too - proud, confident - all the while fighting off feelings of impending doom and collapse. After reaching the lowest of lows - I told myself I would "try" - "just try" one session of counseling. I went to several. Felt a little better but "not a magic pill" by any means. Left first counselor - tried a second, and then stumbled upon a 3rd. She was it!!! A loving, caring woman who seemed to almost "get me" from the beginning. It seemed like she had me pegged. Like she had heard this story before - she was just waiting for me to verbalize it. THE CLASSIC OVERACHIEVER. She made me realize that it was OK to fall short (Ooohhh... it almost still hurts to say that - but IT IS). I do NOT have be everything to everyone. I can't save the WORLD and it was just unrealistic to think that I could shoulder infinite responsibilty. She gave me a book that I never finished... just the first couple of chapters was enough to begin to put me at ease again and to start on the road to recovery. It was "FEAR OF FAILURE". What a great title. It almost says it all. It was the Fear of Failure that was the very worst of my concerns - more so than actual failure itself. The sort of being "EXPOSED". The embarassment, the ridicule... the spite from others who always wanted to see me fail. GUESS WHAT - nobody really cares - nobody was really watching me that close. And if they did care - why did I??? Suffice to say that it was quite enlightening and very helpful to realize that your worst of fears is "really" not all that bad. Enough of me (maybe someone reading this and suffering from anxiety might feel a bit more hopeful).

Your story is different. You have different and complex issues that I reallly think you need to explore and discuss with a trained "Professional". No offense, but you sometimes sound almost childlike in your perspective on life. You said you lived a very sheltered life and this could have affected you more deeply than you realize. And the drunken Grandparents, being hit, Party Animals on your Mother's side, attempts to have you wrongfully accuse your father of molestation... and on and on... Please consider seeing someone (TOM is "not" going to do it for you).

Well now that I have bared my soul in an effort to convince you to consider counseling - please get some help. I sincerely believe you need it.

[moosmom]

would really re-think your current ideas....they don't seem to be consistent with last weeks. AND, while I didn't go back and search every post, I **think** you are the person that repeatedly posts things about a sister that had issues, and how you would NEVER drink??? I might be confused, and if so, I apologize, but, your current actions seem to be in conflict with your past actions. I know you are resistant to professional help (as you have posted that), and that you thought Rob could see you through any issue...but, things seem to be a little unsettled in your life right now, and I just can't see how alcohol will benefit you.

Thanks Johanna!!!

I think given the circumstances, you don't need to learn to drink right now. I think adding alcohol to your life would only complicate things. Just my honest opinion.

[Cataholic]

Bob's Dad- thank you for taking the time to post what I wanted to, but, was too cowardly.

I have often thought it, but, didn't want to offend- you need to explore counseling.

[jenluckenbach]

I would like to add a comment on this quote.

I can't do squat at big work meetings as there is always booze, nor go to the bars with work employees.

That is BULL COOKIES! The only thing you can't do at those gatherings is drink alcohol. I am certain you would be welcome with or without an alcoholic drink in your hand.

From the family history you just listed above I would say extremely strongly that you are much better off NOT starting. There is no need.