Do you say, "Nine and five is thirteen," or "Nine and five are thirteen" ?
Neither. Nine and five are fourteen.

How can you tell the difference between a can of chicken soup and a can of tomato soup?
Read the label.

How can you tell twin witches apart?
It's not easy to tell which witch is which.

How did the man feel when he got a big bill from the electric company?
He was shocked.

What animal doesn't believe anything?
Sheep. They always say, "Bah! Bah!"