Its the Yahoo Horoscopes:

http://astrology.yahoo.com/yastro/


Sometimes I also read my Horrorscopes and Humorscopes. Here are some Humorscopes for today:

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Good day to bring your entrenching tool with you. You never know...

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Good time to learn to play the harmonica. If you get one of those coat hanger thingies to hang around your neck, you can even play it while you're typing!

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will be in an extremely stuffy meeting today, which will seem to last forever. You will be able to liven things up a smidge by putting a few small feathers in your hand, and then "coughing" them out.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
While attempting to stifle a yawn today, you will accidentally make a loud "smooching" sound. Try bringing out your pager, and saying "these new models sure have some interesting sound options, don't they?" I find that works well with several other forms of involuntary noises, as well.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You find that after all these years, you are finally beginning to conquer your fears. You will find that oddly frightening.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Excellent day to study entomology -- particularly the order hymenoptera. Be prepared to leap about, howling and whacking your trouser legs.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Someone will try to pass prawns off as shrimp, today, but you'll be far too clever for them. If anyone knows their crustaceans, it's you.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You'll feel a little tired and run down, today. Just a hunch, but that could explain those tire tracks on your shirt, as well...

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will discover a large black obelisk out on the lawn today, which obviously weighs several tons. You will be amazed at the effort some people put into a practical joke.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You'll accidentally eat one of those fried szechuan chili peppers today, and it will bring tears to your eyes. This will strike you as odd, given that you will be eating a ham sandwich at the time.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you will be seized by inspiration, and shaken like a rat in the jaws of a terrier. You will wax poetic, assuming that "poetic" is the name of your car.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Excellent day to visit a bookstore. Try to find a book named "Make Money With Your Own Worm Farm". You don't need to read it, but it'll be fun to leave around where people will notice it.