What's your favourite conspiracy theory?

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

Wasn't Roswell, NM where the Alien space ship crashed and the government scooped up the wreckage? I've heard at least one Alien survived and spent some time in the White House for a while. I think he slept in the Lincoln bedroom. Maybe he's still there? (that would certainly explain a lot of things)

Actually, he's living at my house! Really! The aliens crashed in Roswell in 1947 and that's when Terry was "born." Too much of a coincidence for me. Doesn't help that he swears he's from another planet, sent here to study humans. His home planet has even tracked us in the motorhome a few times! I know it's true because around the full moon every month, he gets rather testy. He claims it's because of the full moon, but I KNOW it's that the full moon allows the radio waves from his home planet to break through our atmosphere and that's when they communicate with him. He gets testy because he's afraid I will discover what's really going on and I won't want to live with an alien so I'll leave him.

You guys laugh....but it's all true...I swear!

My favorite conspiracy is one I heard just a few weeks ago. I can't explain much about it because it's really all top secret and if I tell you about it I'll have to kill you!

[Killearn Kitties]

So, let me get this straight, when Terry was cranking that handle at the mission, is that what operates the homing beacon?

[Edwina's Secretary]

Karen....if you really want to attract aliens you must have accomodations for all sorts. They are not all able to assume human form. So that explains our obsession with bathrooms....and kingsized beds.

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

So, let me get this straight, when Terry was cranking that handle at the mission, is that what operates the homing beacon?

OMG, Karen, shush! Can't be revealing ALL his secrets!

However.....makes me wonder about you.....only a few select people would have recognized what he was doing.....maybe there are more aliens in Europe than you're letting on.....

[Cataholic]

So, let me get this straight, when Terry was cranking that handle at the mission, is that what operates the homing beacon?

WAIT a moment...are you talking about Aliens, here? I don't wanna no nuthin' about Terry crankin' some handle...

[Killearn Kitties]

Crop circles!! Of course! How could I have forgotten about them? I really lack the necessary paranoia to do this conspiracy theory stuff well. I'm just not good at it.

A few years ago I was staying in a hotel that was also hosting a convention for people who studied crop circles. I overheard some interesting conversations in the dining room, I can tell you!

[Don Juan's mom]

Well, I'm sharing my home with two small furry extraterrestrials.

Think about it. Would any animal of Terran origin be capable of enslaving us? And making us love our enslavement?

But as far as conspiracy theories go, I'd have to go with the JFK assassination as my favorite. Think about it. This is the same government that came up with all kinds of wacky plans to assassinate Fidel Castro, and that couldn't keep the lid on the Watergate burglary or the illegal eavesdropping of overseas phone calls by the NSA. (Just think of the poor Federal employees who had to listen to thousands of Silicon Valley engineers calling their moms in India.) And they managed to keep a Presidential assassination nary-a-peep secret for over forty years?

I have two theories about it that I love:

1) The "two kooks" theory (my own invention): Lee Harvey Oswald and the guy on the grassy knoll were working completely independently of each other. The guy on the grassy knoll was gunning for Kennedy in the hopes of impressing Hayley Mills.

2) One that Mad Magazine came up with: Aristotle Onassis had JFK bumped off so he could marry Jackie. This one has the virtue of plausibility, which makes it superior to most of the others.

OK, I'll get back to work now.

Liz