Some Dick Cheney jokes..

[lizbud]

I'm sorry, I forgot, the previous administration followed the constitution to the letter................depending on what your definition of "is" is.

LH, you are still off topic. What is it..have you run out of excuses for
Cheney?

[Lady's Human]

Liz, while it is off topic in a way, it is a response to ES's questioning the present administration's respect for the Constitution. She brought up her fear of Government run amok, I provided an example of government run amok, people she would like to see back in power. Waco. I could also include Echelon.

[Edwina's Secretary]

Liz, while it is off topic in a way, it is a response to ES's questioning the present administration's respect for the Constitution. She brought up her fear of Government run amok, I provided an example of government run amok, people she would like to see back in power. Waco. I could also include Echelon.

LH...I find it VERY offensive when you put words in my mouth. I have asked you once not to do so. People she would like to see back in power. You have no more idea who I would like to see in power than the man in the moon.

Speak you opinion but do NOT assume you know mine. I prefer not to stoop to your level.

[Lady's Human]

ES, you've made your views fairly well known over the years.

[Edwina's Secretary]

You show me... just once...where I have said who I would like to see "back in power."

One thing I have always tried to do is avoid any name-calling -- overt or implied -- of anyone on this board. I have not suggested I know what you think except where I am repeating what you have stated. On more than one occasion you have not shown me the same courtesy.

I believe when you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas (no offense meant to dogs....) so I will not, as I said, stoop to your level.

Let's try and stay on course.

[RICHARD]

Let's try and stay on course.

Hey, NO FAIR rewriting presidential punchlines.

[lizbud]

Just can't help myself, soooo funny.


He loves the smell of gunpowder
By John Kenney, JOHN KENNEY has just finished his first novel.


VICE PRESIDENT Dick Cheney accidentally shot documentary filmmaker Michael Moore yesterday as Moore was walking out of a Manhattan Denny's.

A spokesperson for the vice president said that it was a "complete accident" and that Cheney felt "horrible." The White House released a statement saying that the shooting was "just bad timing. Vice President Cheney, who is well-versed in firearms safety, was merely sitting in a shrub, wearing camouflage, outside of a Denny's frequented by Mr. Moore." The statement went on to say that Cheney had been in the shrub for "several days." Moore is said to have suffered only minor injuries and was released from the hospital.


IN ANOTHER BIZARRE accident, Cheney mistakenly shot every Democratic member of the Senate Judiciary Committee. A White House spokesman said that the vice president feels "bad, but not that bad." An aide to Cheney said that the vice president "happened to be in the committee chambers, under a chair, when he stood up to put on a pair of chaps, accidentally shooting the committee members, stopping to reload three times." Remarkably, the committee members were largely unhurt and are expected to make complete recoveries.



THE WHITE HOUSE was put on the defensive again today when Air Force Two was forced to make an emergency landing 25 miles west of New York City after a loss of cabin pressure because of the accidental shooting of former FEMA Director Michael D. Brown and Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff. Both men have recently come under criticism for their handling of the federal response to Hurricane Katrina. Cheney was said to be "laughing, but also deeply concerned" when he was awoken from a nap after accidentally shooting the men at close range. Typically, shotguns are not allowed on either Air Force One or Two, but Cheney is, the statement said, "a seasoned hunter and also planned to accidentally shoot both men." Both Brown and Chertoff are expected to make complete recoveries, although it remains unclear as to why Brown was duct-taped to the wing of the plane.

A White House spokesman later added that the vice president had been on his way to New York City to accidentally shoot New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd.



SEN. HILLARY Rodham Clinton miraculously escaped injury today after Cheney accidentally ran up to her motorcade and accidentally shot at her car. The White House said the vice president "tripped."

"These things happen," a White House spokesman said. "Guns, while completely safe, are also dangerous."

A member of the vice president's staff said Cheney apologized to the former first lady and potential presidential candidate in a handwritten note.

"I'm sorry I almost shot you. But know that I will try again and will also be sorry then too. I like the sound a gun makes and the smell of the gunpowder. 'Flint' is a neat word. "

[RICHARD]

You have no more idea who I would like to see in power than the man in the moon.

Is Neil Armstrong running for president?

[Edwina's Secretary]

Is Neil Armstrong running for president?

Couldn't be any worse....

[Lady's Human]

ES, you have made many comments about the President "Stealing" the election. Being that the election in question was in 2000, and there is only one reason to continue a line like that for that long, you make it fairly clear where your political leanings are.

[Edwina's Secretary]

You still make no sense LH.....your last fews comments are off-point and incomprehensible.

Perhaps you should go back to explaining to us why it was Mr. Whittington's fault he was shot by the Vice-president while 30 yards behind...walking up in his orange jacket to rejoin the hunting group.