In depair but I know I can confide in PT

[catnapper]

Wow, the situation gets more tangled! Sounds as if at 27 she needs some serious "Tough Love"

I'd tell her that she's completely on her own to deal with this -- in all ways, financially, emotionally, and physically. Tell her you won't be there to listen to her boo-hooing how she got herself into this mess. If she starts to complain, get up walk away, hang up the phone... whatever you need to do to get your point across that you are not interested in her whines about her present situation. You'll be there to talk when she starts planning how to fix her life, but not when she's complaining of where she is.

Tell her you will not be there to babysit while she goes on doctor's appoitnments, or after the baby is here. You won't so much as buy one diaper or bib. By doing all that she will no longer have people sitting by and helping her continue her self destructive ways. ITs going to be HARD and you will DEFIANTELY be the bad guy until she starts seeing clearly. Thats what my grandmom had to do with my uncle who was so messed up on drugs. One day he found himself in jail and REALLY had no choice but to accept his actions.... and now my uncle is Mr. Pillar of the community and an A+ father and stepfather.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

[QUOTE=catnapper]Wow, the situation gets more tangled! Sounds as if at 27 she needs some serious "Tough Love"[QUOTE]

Believe me there is nothing I'd rather do but not being her natural parent makes it hard. I can't see her Dad walking away.....

Time for me to head off home now to see my furrkids! Thanks once again for your help - will keep you posted on the next dramatic episode

[JenBKR]

Ok let us know what happens!

[catnapper]

Trust me, I'm in the same boat.... for all purposes, I feel like the kids are my own, but when times get rough, I am reminded that I am a steparent.... even if its not said, its there. I can see my hubby doing the same as yours. Stepparenting is HARD! Then we see the kids for what they are, while their "real" parents still have blinders on.

[Edwina's Secretary]

My brother and his wife very much wanted a child. They were very fortunate that some woman was brave enough to give her child the best chance at a good life.

My niece has grown up with animals....dogs, cats, horses (her parents are veternarians) a good education, extracurricular activities, travel...and very loving and attentive parents.

I do not understand people who say...."I could not let my grandchild be raised by someone else." I once heard this from a man whose adopted daughter was pregnant. How could he deny someone else the opportunity he had had? In my brother's case, the grandparents almost derailed the adoption after nearly a year.

Please encourage your step-daughter to pursue adoption. With open adoptions today, if she wants to stay in touch with the child it can be done.

What a wonderful gift to give her child!

[Cataholic]

Please, please, please help her see that adoption is the most loving choice she could give this baby.

As for cutting her off? I don't think I could handle that. The baby is the one that truly suffers.

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

My brother and his wife very much wanted a child. They were very fortunate that some woman was brave enough to give her child the best chance at a good life.

My niece has grown up with animals....dogs, cats, horses (her parents are veternarians) a good education, extracurricular activities, travel...and very loving and attentive parents.

I do not understand people who say...."I could not let my grandchild be raised by someone else." I once heard this from a man whose adopted daughter was pregnant. How could he deny someone else the opportunity he had had? In my brother's case, the grandparents almost derailed the adoption after nearly a year.

Please encourage your step-daughter to pursue adoption. With open adoptions today, if she wants to stay in touch with the child it can be done.

What a wonderful gift to give her child!

I couldn't have said it better.

As someone who
(1) was adopted as a baby and
(2) had problems trying to conceive

I am VERY aware of how adoption can positively impact so many lives. As others have said, adoption gives couples who dearly want children, and can provide the best for them, the opportunity to do so. It also means that one less child will be brought up in less-than-ideal circumstances.

Karen gave a good suggestion re telling anyone who asks that she is acting as a surrogate mother (after all taking her financial position into account people would probably believe her).

As a Step-mom I can also sympathise with the pressure you are under - there are times when I get accused of being too hard or judgemental, when all I really want is the best for everyone involved - it's not easy!

[jojo]

Again, I can't help much but hope that you all can find the positive in this. I hope for the childrens sake that your daughter finds the strength to change, because in the end that is all it is about, she finds it easier to not make the hard decisions and continue on in her security blanket of what she already knows. I want desparately for this to happen for the childrens sake, I believe that to be the truest form of love and commitment to them, I don't like the idea they be sent off because mother isn't the best, if you understand me. Those poor babies.