In depair but I know I can confide in PT

[JenBKR]

No - she has decided she doesn't want anything to do with him as he is a total waster (!) - something she already knew when she threw him out just over a year ago (!!) and I wish she'd remembered 10 weeks ago

It's probably a good thing that they're not together anymore. Maybe this can be her 'wake-up' call. I certainly can't imagine being in her situation. She must be so scared. Would it be possible to get her involved with a church or anything? That may help.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Maybe this can be her 'wake-up' call.

How many more does she need? This will be #5 by my reckoning.......

As for church I don't think she'd consider it - very cynical about religion

[JenBKR]

How many more does she need? This will be #5 by my reckoning.......

Wow, when you put it that way... you must be pretty frustrated with her situation (I know I would be). I'm not even sure what you can do, she needs to decide to make the change on her own.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Wow, when you put it that way... you must be pretty frustrated with her situation (I know I would be). I'm not even sure what you can do, she needs to decide to make the change on her own.

Very hard to remain detached when you see the amount of pain she causes - then of course I'm the bad guy because I refuse to have her kids stay at weekends to give her a break. I work ( ) all week and selfish as it may sound if I'd wanted more children I'd have had my own!

[JenBKR]

Very hard to remain detached when you see the amount of pain she causes - then of course I'm the bad guy because I refuse to have her kids stay at weekends to give her a break. I work ( ) all week and selfish as it may sound if I'd wanted more children I'd have had my own!

That is certainly not being the bad guy at all - and not selfish. I can't imagine that being a stepparent would be easy at all, then throw this situation into the mix...how does your husband feel about it all?

[Pawsitive Thinking]

That is certainly not being the bad guy at all - and not selfish. I can't imagine that being a stepparent would be easy at all, then throw this situation into the mix...how does your husband feel about it all?

She breaks his heart - has to support her because he's her Dad but he is ripped apart every time. Makes it hard for Katie too because he is so determined that she won't go the same way he pushes her too hard at times

I'd be first to admit that SD hasn't had it easy - her Dad brought her up on his own and her Mum only ever appeared when she felt like it although is back on the scene now (like mother like daughter unfortunately). But surely there has to come a time when you stop blaming a c**p childhood and move on doesn't there

[catland]

I agree that adoption and counseling sound like the best thing to do. It is definately the best thing for the baby - and would benefit her and her other children as well.

[catnapper]

Wow, the situation gets more tangled! Sounds as if at 27 she needs some serious "Tough Love"

I'd tell her that she's completely on her own to deal with this -- in all ways, financially, emotionally, and physically. Tell her you won't be there to listen to her boo-hooing how she got herself into this mess. If she starts to complain, get up walk away, hang up the phone... whatever you need to do to get your point across that you are not interested in her whines about her present situation. You'll be there to talk when she starts planning how to fix her life, but not when she's complaining of where she is.

Tell her you will not be there to babysit while she goes on doctor's appoitnments, or after the baby is here. You won't so much as buy one diaper or bib. By doing all that she will no longer have people sitting by and helping her continue her self destructive ways. ITs going to be HARD and you will DEFIANTELY be the bad guy until she starts seeing clearly. Thats what my grandmom had to do with my uncle who was so messed up on drugs. One day he found himself in jail and REALLY had no choice but to accept his actions.... and now my uncle is Mr. Pillar of the community and an A+ father and stepfather.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

[QUOTE=catnapper]Wow, the situation gets more tangled! Sounds as if at 27 she needs some serious "Tough Love"[QUOTE]

Believe me there is nothing I'd rather do but not being her natural parent makes it hard. I can't see her Dad walking away.....

Time for me to head off home now to see my furrkids! Thanks once again for your help - will keep you posted on the next dramatic episode

[JenBKR]

Ok let us know what happens!

[catnapper]

Trust me, I'm in the same boat.... for all purposes, I feel like the kids are my own, but when times get rough, I am reminded that I am a steparent.... even if its not said, its there. I can see my hubby doing the same as yours. Stepparenting is HARD! Then we see the kids for what they are, while their "real" parents still have blinders on.

[kuhio98]

Hugs to you. I'm so sorry for the pain she has caused herself and you and her father and her poor children. I hope she will consider adoption. There must be groups out there that could help her decide. I hope in time she would see that this would be the most wonderful, loving thing she could do for the baby and for a family desperately wanting a child.

Whatever she decides, I hope that she will educate herself on birth control.

[ramanth]

No advice. Just lots of hugs and support.

[sandragonfly]

I don't know what to offer just know I'm thinking of you and the baby, hoping for the best out of it! soon! (((denise)))

[moosmom]

I'm at a loss for words. At 27, and 5 kids later you'd think she'd learn. Some don't. I would definitely encourage adoption. As everyone here has said, there are MANY people who want children so badly but can't have them. My cousin wants to adopt again (she adopted a little boy, Michael, from the Ukraine) but it's taking forever because it's a foreign adoption.

I wish I knew what else to say. I know how difficult it must be when she's your husband's kid. Sometimes ya just gotta stand there and bite your tongue. It's hard to do.

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) and TONS of support from all of us, sweetie!!