In depair but I know I can confide in PT

[Pawsitive Thinking]

This may sound harsh but the tricky bit will be getting her to stop thinking of herself and how much she'll suffer and to get her to consider what would be best for the baby and the two she's already got. She's a great one for sitting around bemoaning how hard her life is and how tough things are - getting her to see that its no-one's fault but her own won't be simple.

Thanks for letting me offload to you all - not a pleasant topic I know

[JenBKR]

Well, that won't be easy. Is she still with the father of the current baby?

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Well, that won't be easy. Is she still with the father of the current baby?

No - she has decided she doesn't want anything to do with him as he is a total waster (!) - something she already knew when she threw him out just over a year ago (!!) and I wish she'd remembered 10 weeks ago

[JenBKR]

No - she has decided she doesn't want anything to do with him as he is a total waster (!) - something she already knew when she threw him out just over a year ago (!!) and I wish she'd remembered 10 weeks ago

It's probably a good thing that they're not together anymore. Maybe this can be her 'wake-up' call. I certainly can't imagine being in her situation. She must be so scared. Would it be possible to get her involved with a church or anything? That may help.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Maybe this can be her 'wake-up' call.

How many more does she need? This will be #5 by my reckoning.......

As for church I don't think she'd consider it - very cynical about religion

[JenBKR]

How many more does she need? This will be #5 by my reckoning.......

Wow, when you put it that way... you must be pretty frustrated with her situation (I know I would be). I'm not even sure what you can do, she needs to decide to make the change on her own.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Wow, when you put it that way... you must be pretty frustrated with her situation (I know I would be). I'm not even sure what you can do, she needs to decide to make the change on her own.

Very hard to remain detached when you see the amount of pain she causes - then of course I'm the bad guy because I refuse to have her kids stay at weekends to give her a break. I work ( ) all week and selfish as it may sound if I'd wanted more children I'd have had my own!

[catland]

I agree that adoption and counseling sound like the best thing to do. It is definately the best thing for the baby - and would benefit her and her other children as well.

[catnapper]

Wow, the situation gets more tangled! Sounds as if at 27 she needs some serious "Tough Love"

I'd tell her that she's completely on her own to deal with this -- in all ways, financially, emotionally, and physically. Tell her you won't be there to listen to her boo-hooing how she got herself into this mess. If she starts to complain, get up walk away, hang up the phone... whatever you need to do to get your point across that you are not interested in her whines about her present situation. You'll be there to talk when she starts planning how to fix her life, but not when she's complaining of where she is.

Tell her you will not be there to babysit while she goes on doctor's appoitnments, or after the baby is here. You won't so much as buy one diaper or bib. By doing all that she will no longer have people sitting by and helping her continue her self destructive ways. ITs going to be HARD and you will DEFIANTELY be the bad guy until she starts seeing clearly. Thats what my grandmom had to do with my uncle who was so messed up on drugs. One day he found himself in jail and REALLY had no choice but to accept his actions.... and now my uncle is Mr. Pillar of the community and an A+ father and stepfather.

[kuhio98]

Hugs to you. I'm so sorry for the pain she has caused herself and you and her father and her poor children. I hope she will consider adoption. There must be groups out there that could help her decide. I hope in time she would see that this would be the most wonderful, loving thing she could do for the baby and for a family desperately wanting a child.

Whatever she decides, I hope that she will educate herself on birth control.

[jojo]

Such a difficult thing to watch and feel powerless. But maybe this is the way it's supposed to be. Is she a good mother... whatever her choice in partners are? I reckon there isn't enough children in our world any maybe this is something good in disguise. Sounds silly, I know but you could be the step mum to the next genius of the world. I hope things work out ok, and your step girl realizes that she is going to be the most influential person in her children's life. Maybe she'll recognize she needs to make self respecting changes.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

http://petoftheday.com/talk/showthread.php?t=100053