Wow, he was a very gorgeous boy! Don't blame yourself. I have a lot of regrets about my first dog, too. I was 9 when Retread died and I didn't play with him much because he was "old and boring". I loved him though, and when he died I realized how awful it was for me to play only with the younger dog. Even though it is a horrible thing to have to go through, I knew when Buttons' time came I had to spend every minute with him, and I'm glad to say I have no regrets with him. Take these things and learn from them.