joke thread

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

A duck walks into a feed store, looks up at the guy and says "Got any fish?"

Guys says "This is a feed store. We don't sell fish"..
Duck waddles out.

Next day the duck waddles in and says "Got any fish?".

Guy says "I told you we don't sell fish. We sell feed for cows and horses". Duck waddles out.

Next day the duck waddles and and says "Got any fish?".

Guys screams at the duck "I told you we don't sell fish!!! I'm sick of you coming in and asking for it! If you come in here again I'm going to nail your little webbed feet to the floor!". Duck waddles out.

Next day the duck walks in and says "Got any nails?".

Guy says "No. We don't sell nails.".

Duck says "Got any fish?"...

[anna_66]

One morning, the manager of a large company noticed a new employee and told him to come into his office. “What’s your name?” he asked.

“John,” the new employee replied.

The manager scowled. “Look, I don’t call anyone by their first name. It leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last names only— Smith, Jones, Rogers—that’s all. Now that we have that straight, what is your last name?”

The new employee sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”

The owner looked at him for a few seconds and then said, “Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is...”

[buttercup132]

cute jokes, wow this thread has ALOT of replies!!

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

That was a goodie too, Anna!!

here is another one:

Goodies

Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.

Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee...

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash...

A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it...

True friends stab you in the front.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

A mistake should not be considered a step backwards, but considered a pause for re-direction.

[todd]

great Ida

[AmberLee]

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."

[poofy]

I like the joke thread, lol..lol..have to find a couple of my favorites..

[AmberLee]

Top Ten Signs Your Cat Is Too Fat
Courtesy of The Late Show With David Letterman

10. Gets winded purring

9. Instead of trying to run from dogs, sits on them

8. The Maury people call every darn hour

7. Ears perk up whenever you mention Wendy's Free Fixin's Bar

6. He used 8 lives on heart attacks

5. Cat carrier is a Ford Escort

4. Richard Simmons' cat staged intervention

3. Can only wear cute sweaters from the Big and Tall Kitty Shop

2. Litter box so huge, it has nude bathing section

1. Instead of "meow" he says, "mayo"