My whole life is falling apart

[krazyaboutkatz]

Sara, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time right now. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers and things will get better. Please take care and feel free to pm me. (((((HUGS)))))

[Sara luvs her Tinky]

I talked to my mom yesterday and she told me that my dad is actually not my "biological dad". She wanted to give me an explination of what happened but I really don't need to know.

I feel better now that I know. Yesterday was just torture sitting around thinking about it and not really knowing.

I feel like this is all a dream though. I got A LOT of thoughts going through my head now. Bad ones and good ones. BUT i'm not crying today and that feels good. I would give ANYTHING to rewind time and my dad not tell me that though. I know for sure I would have been just fine living the rest of my life not knowing.

Thanks everyone for your support and *hugs*hugs*hugs*!!!
You guys helped more than you probably know.

[Pam]

Sara, I'm glad you are feeling better today and very glad that your mom has chosen to tell you the truth. I would hear her out. I know this must have been a terrible secret for her to keep all of these years and I think it will provide tremendous healing for both of you to understand it as well as is possible. Of course the pain of the lie will last long after all of this is over, but it is not something that you won't be able to rise above. As someone else mentioned, knowing the medical history of your real father will be more important now that you have a little one on the way.

A good friend of mine was told, at the age of 21, that she was adopted. I know it is not quite the same thing but I watched her dissolve into tears because of the loss of trust in her parents. Concentrate on that new little one growing inside you. The love that will come at his/her birth will be overwhelming and all-consuming and totally blot out all of this pain. I promise. I am still praying for you!

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

I'm glad you talked to your mom and I'm doubly glad that she is so willing to be honest and open about what happened. At least you know that she is willing to share. For now it might be enough to just know, but as time goes on, you may want to know more details and it's good to know that she is willing to not hide anything anymore.

I can only imagine what a shock this must all be to you. However, no one is going anywhere so you have plenty of time to process it all and take your time in absorbing what this is all ultimately going to mean in your life.

I hope and pray that your baby is so healthy that knowing your bioligical history is never necessary.

I'm so glad you're feeling better. {{{hugs}}}

[RobiLee]

Sara, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry that you are going through this. I'm not good at knowing what to say but I just wanted to let you know that I care and I hope that you will be ok. You have lots of support hear and I hope that you will remember that. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong, Sara.

[Corinna]

Every one has pretty much said it all. Except for one thing that kind of sticks out to me. You say Step mom made him come back and tell you, sounds like she was the "bad " one in this. Not to step mom bash but go back and reread your first post . You need to talk to him alone and just hash it all out.

[gini]

Goodness sakes, thank God you chose to come to all of us with this.

It doesn't sound as though anyone has considered your feelings here. And how awful that this has just been dumped on you. Sorry to bash any of your family - but good God - nice to read that they could get rid of all of their guilt and bash your Mom to boot -

No one, absolutely no one, has led a perfect stain free life! But how we handle other people's feelings if they are involved is the true test.

When these things happen, and we receive unexpected news - it blind sides us. And then we go through various stages - the first being intense hurt and that sits with us for a while. But after a while that gives way to real anger - how could they do this to you? This is the dangerous period because it is hard to contain that anger and words could be exchanged that will only make matters worse.

But finally, we enter a period of acceptance. It becomes clear that you cannot go back in time - make things go away - that what IS has to be accepted. With this period also comes some kind of inner peace - it just sneaks in and levels everything out.

This is the period you haven't entered yet - but it will come.

When you talk to any of the members of your family about this - it is important you use what are called "I" messages. That means you tell them how "YOU" feel............not how they should have acted, or how they should have handled this. Tell them how it has impacted "YOU". Please know, that they might not understand because they are too into themselves.
But they need to be told how all of this news has impacted YOU.

So help me, I am sitting here with tears in my eyes for you.

How I wish - all of us wish - that we could take it away from you.

But as so many Mothers have pointed out - there is something wonderful going on that will make your life completely worthwhile........and that is your unborn child. Just think of what a great Mom you can be - you are learning so many lessons right now that will insure that you are.

You will always be honest with this child - you won't keep any secrets from this child - you will guarantee that the child is well loved and it will feel secure.

What an example you are to the rest of your family - and they just cannot see beyond themselves to realize it. Keep up the good work - how I do admire you -

The best is yet to come - you can count on it.

And finally, I send you the biggest hug of support that I can. Don't delete this message - all of us are learning something from you too!

xxoo Gini