My whole life is falling apart

[Vio&Juni]

I can only echo what Johanna and Debbie said.

[sabies]

Sara I only know about your situation from what is in this thread, and it sounds like your father is not able to be supportive of you. Remember those are his issues, not yours. Try to focus on positive people in your life right now. You and your baby are priority number one.

With family members especially we can tend to fall into a pattern of how we let them treat us. Don't let people say or do things to you to cause you to get depressed. I often find animal training concepts very helpful in learning to deal with people!

[Sara luvs her Tinky]

Like Gini said.... I am feeling better so I figure I must be accepting it.

I have been thinking alot about it and decided i'm going to write my dad a letter. That way I can tell them how I feel and get my point across without them being able to put their negitive spin on things.

I really love you guys so much. It really made things easier posting this here. I was scared to, and I don't really know why. ... but I am soooo glad I did. You guys are the best support system ever - and to someone you have never even met.

Thanks so much for your advice.... it helped me to think clearer and I really needed that.

{{HUGS}} to all of ya'll and all your furry babies.... and skin babies.
I wish I could tell you how much your support for this means to me!!!!!

[Laura's Babies]

It does not matter who plants the seed for a tree. The true owner is the one who waters it, nutures it, keeps it healthy and it there to watch it grow and loves it.

I want to share with you my daughter Ries story. Her bio father left when she was about 2 months old. I later met and married a nice man that raised her. He was her Dad, he played with her, held her, laughed at her when she was funny, worried about her when she was sick and actually, the ONLY Dad she knew.

When she was 17, her bio Dad re-intered her life. He did the Mom bashing thing and tried to mess up her head. She called me one time crying because he had accused me of all sorts of stuff and pretty much told her I was not at all the person she thought I was. I will tell you what I told her.. "YOU know your mother better than anybody does, you know in your heart what is truth and what is lie. She has been in your life a lot longer than he has so you know her a LOT better than he could ever know her so you make your own choice as to rather to believe him or not based on what you know about the one who raised you." Her sperm donor died not long after that and she called crying and told me he had been killed, her "father" was gone forever.. And I told her this "Your Dad is not gone, the Dad who loved you all your life is here, waiting for you to come back. The man who died was only a sperm donor, come on back home!"

She will fight you to the end over her Dad. He is not as handsome as he use to be and he is getting old and slow but she loves him, he is her Dad! It does not matter WHO was the sperm donor, what matters was who was there for you all your life, that is who your real Dad is.... Sounds to me like this step dad wasn't much of a father either if he took what he THINKS out on you and how he treated you. Ha! Rie's sperm donor even told her that he did not believe she was his too. I think that is easy excuse men use a lot when they don't want to face their responsiability. A DNA test could fix that right up and put a end to rumor or fact!

[KYS]

I can not add what everybody has posted so eloquently.
But I wanted to give you a BIG hug.

(((HUGS)))

[K9karen]

Sorry, I'm late on this too. I think you got some wonderful advise. I, too, am a letter writer, and feel so much better afterwards, putting my thoughts down properly. My concern is YOU and your baby. Your emotional, mental and physical well being is crucial. I'm praying that things will work out for you. It breaks my heart. I haven't even digested this all right now, so I'll keep my mouth shut. I just want you to know that, as everyone has said, we love you. I know we all want to give you a collective hug and comfort you. Sight unseen, we will always be here for you. {Hugs}..

[slleipnir]

I'm sorry all this is happening to you. My sister's father was pretty bad to her, I guess...so my mom and her moved away from him. She never talked to him since (she was really small at the time) she met my dad some time later. My dad has always treated her like a daughter, and if you ask my sister what he fathers name is, she will say my dad's name. She says he is more of a father than her real one...I guess what I'm trying to say is it doesn't really matter about "blood" he is your father. I guess that doesn't help at all...but I hope it gets better for you, I really do.

[NoahsMommy]

Sara,

What I first feel compelled to tell you is that you did the right thing coming to us - those who care for you - with your current problems.

I too grew up with a dad who when in the company of his new wife, would spend weekend visits telling all about how horrible of a mother I had. (like you, I lived with mom - dad only had visitations rights) Now that I'm older, I've realized all it did was make them look like complete idiots. No matter what age, that is wrong. I understand the love you feel for your father, but honey, please look at his actions...not his words. You need and deserve support...

I know that you find solace and comfort in God...and honey, right now, you need it. He loves you, and while you're going through a horrible time right now, He is there to talk to. I know that when we get in over our heads in fear/frustration/anger, we tend to blame Him. But, even if you are mad at Him, He can still provide peace. I'll keep you in my prayers, OK?

I'm sorry you've found out there is a possibility that your father may not be your bio father. But like the others have said, genes don't mean all that much. My step-dad has only been in my life for about 6 years and I adore him. He's done more for me that my biological father ever did...or would do.

I hope I didn't say anything too harsh about your father. I'm reading this without the emotion you feel right now AND I care about you alot, honey. It hurts me to know you're in pain and that a family member is causing it. You're dealing with SOOO much right now, I'd love to take it away for you.

If you want to talk, will you let me know?? I can call you whenever you'd like. I'm going to PM you my contact information, OK?? I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this, its not fair.

Hugs and Love,
Kelly